To Dream Of Sunshine

Drowning. Floundering. Finding. Breathing.

[greengableslover]

FANTASIA (1940)

[peachpaloma]

The Lovers

Kaja Horvat, 2024

[beatricecenci]

Henrietta Rae (English, 1856-1928)

Hylas and the Water Nymphs

[lluviagf]

silasehrazatyucel

[lluviagf]

Cc_tomoy

[grundoonmgnx]

Mauro C Martinez, Celestial, 2024

Oil on canvas. 60 x 72 in.

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Lab with a sense of humor.

[sunshine-and-waffles]

I was at Trader Joe’s when my chest started hurting and my vision started blurring. Idk what it was about grocery shopping but it totally triggered me. I used to think triggering was an exaggeration and now I know its really really not.

I got in my car and started driving home and just started screaming crying. I had to pull over for 30 to calm down. I know it’s getting better but in the moment it doesn’t feel like it’s.

I am just so heartbroken. It’s so deep in my chest.



[oakfern]

From My Father Once Told Me, Ben Konkol.

[thecalicofolk]

Mother and Son Florists by Loré Pemberton

[witchyautumns]

http://www.jamesbruntartist.co.uk/autumn-leaves/

[nevver]

[nevver]

Thirst, Gleeson Paulino

[sunshine-and-waffles]

Things I can’t do:

I can’t unpack my dads car. We drove it from Austin to Colorado, and I can’t unpack. His blanket and the laundry he had in the wash are in the back. I had to bring it home, but now I can’t bring it in.

I can’t delete his hbo profile, or Netflix, or Hulu.

I can’t open the shipping box his urn and remains are in.

I can’t throw away his cigarettes.

I can’t read his autopsy.

I can’t listen to the last three songs on his Spotify history.

I can’t let go.

I just want my dad back.

[sunshine-and-waffles]

One month and one day since my dad committed suicide.

My face and extremities keep going numb from anxiety, chest tight with grief. It feels like I could die from this.

Somatic symptoms my therapist suggests.

Trauma hurts.

I have days where it feels so normal; until it doesn’t and I’m crying at the DMV, Starbucks, eating brunch by the mountains.

Grief hurts.

[littlereddoghouse]

[nontemporary]