a ray of sunshine @sunshine6914 - Tumblr Blog

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Who are you anyway?? you can call me 🌇 sunshine 🌇

#did i do it right #new at tumblr #new pinned #new pinned post #newbie #welcome

hey, past. long time no write.

I had a dream with you. when was the last time? just kidding - I remember way too well. this time, you didn't make me mad or cry - but you still tried to act like you never knew me or hurt me, and that pissed me off, you see, as I can't stand lies, I can't stand fake connections, and I can't stand you.

you know I already wrote us time and time again, mixed and diluted with my other deceptions, and that obviously helped chanelling my anger for you, but I found a shortcut to kill this past at once. so maybe, past, this is a long needed farewell.

I'm tired of wasting my love with people like you.

I'm exhausted.

I need you to be less.

Less than a childhood street I remember walking on, Less than the taste of a summer breeze on an afternoon after school tests Less than a milkshake after classes, Less than the songs I used to sing somewhere far away from where they thought I'd be.

Those memories feel like scenes of a movie I've almost completely forgot,

and I don't want you to be part of it. any of it.

I need you to be less than a movie I kind of remember vaguely from long ago.

I'm exhausted,

and I need you to be even less than my past.

after all, in all ways that matter, you were never there.

#sunshinerambles

couldn't you lock up the door on your way out?

you said you couldn't dream, you said you didn't want to you said it didn't matter, you told me to not teach you you said you were afraid, I said you didn't need to you didn't say it back, I didn't want to believe you

the first time you left me, I thought it was on me you left the door open and the demons got in when you tried to come back, I closed it and held firm - I had too much on my plate to handle your storm.

the second time you left me, I finally understood it was never my fault but I had given all of me and the damage was done I closed the door again, but some few demons refused to leave with you I gotta handle them now, and I'm sure I will be fine, but I can't help but wonder,

couldn't you lock up the door on your way out? you knew what waited for me outside and left anyway couldn't you think of me one last time? or am I such a chore, you can't even care?

#sunshinerambles

how did I get so cold?

I had another dream with you finally, after a long, long time. I was browsing my chats and saw that you were "Typing..." something. I remember laughing, and it felt a bit cruel at the tip of my tongue but then I woke up and thought, why am I laughing? I mean...

why was your chat so close to my most recent messages to begin with?

maybe in my dream, I had just gave up on being the bigger person maybe in my dream, I was moments after caving and even so, I found the cold heart to laugh at you. what have I become? I don't remember being so dark.

does this new me have anything to do with you?

#sunshinerambles

yet another song about how you hurt me time and time again

when I say I love you I mean I see stardust in you and if I'm ever mad at you you'll shine through

that's why I can't quite get how you could just left yeah I can't accept I'm loving wrong

when I say I love you I mean there's nothing I wouldn't do and if I'm ever hurt by you we'll talk it through

that's why I don't understand how could you ever said you loved me and then felt quitting was best

when I say I love you I mean I finally trust you only because you said that I could what was I supposed to do

when you said you loved me did you already plan to leave is that why you hesitated to tell me what were we

#sunshinepoetry #sunshinewriting

imagine being so gay for platonic relationships. could be me tho

em algumas brisas da tarde eu consigo sentir o gosto dos momentos que compartilhamos

como pode ninguém mais sentir isso que não eu? e como pode eu ser tão cruel ao ponto de desejar essa dor a mais alguém

#sunshinerambles

I won't delete this because I felt like I wrote something morbidly beautiful about surviving for love

e se?

e se eu tivesse tido coragem para seguir meus planos?

e se hoje vocês lembrassem de mim com saudades, como eu lembro daqueles anos?

e se eu estivesse permanentemente eternizada na nostalgia

onde eu me sentia em casa?

#I gotta stop regretting choosing love #I gotta honor my dearest's feelings for me #I gotta make myself proud for enduring

southernsolarpunk-deactivated20

Original

I didn't hurt anyone back… ever… or did I?

a brief text of me being egoistic

#text #sunshinewriting #sad text #sad prose #sunshinerambles

I want more.

More kisses, more touches

More colors, more brushes

More pets, more blushes

And air bubbles of plenty

More time, more moments

To plummet in peace

More ways, more solutions

More breaths, please

Pull me close and whisper me things we won't do

Catch the pace so I won't dance alone

To the suffocating song of regret

#i hate rhyming #i dont do poetry #sunshinepoetry

i need to lie on a hammock in my cottage house, drink coffee w/ milk and read a kindle until i fall asleep and my sweetie wakes me up for a delicious dinner and quality time

#sunshinerambles