sunset wanderer :) @sunshy-karlen - Tumblr Blog

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from behind the bus windows, several passengers would wave their hands to bid goodbye from the people below. their friends or their families watched as they settled in their seats, unsure of what to feel; is it a slight bit of lightness? or is it the pain of knowing their return is uncertain? these are just a few things they ponder in the back of their heads.

i once saw a father, played peek-a-boo for his child watching from outside the bus as if to invigorate his longing..

sometimes i wonder if a father cries as soon as the bus leaves.

i wonder if a sister immediately calls her family or a friend because she misses them.

i wonder if a brother took a glance at a recent photo, trying to relive it once again to ease the ache of leaving.

for some people, they would agree that there isn't always pain in the idea of departure, but as for me today, it is painful.

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#thoughts #longing

"know it's for the better. no, its for the better."

-waiting room, pheobe bridgers.

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you were my brightest star, the one who shun ever so bright in my darkest skies. for a while, I got used to admiring your light. the thought never crossed my mind; thats stars also lose their light— they flicker, they dim until their last flight.

you were my brightest star, I blamed myself for needing you far too much, for seeing you as someone so great, failing to love you more, especially at times when you too slowly lose your light.

#thoughts #spilledink #stars #nighthoughts

Today the sun was gentle, my morning went by and I chose to read a book. defying the urge of scrolling aimlessly on my phone at this early in the morning. I grabbed my recently bought book I got on sale. I remembered how happy it made me to set my hands on this book, I have been longing to own for almost 6 years now. the high school me couldn’t bear to to buy it, considering my tight weekly allowance and now I feel like I owe myself the chance to purchase it from the same book store. Its crisp paper, my simple joy.

on days like this, when nights feel like a never-ending tug between

waiting for the dawn, or staying still.

closed eyes. clenched fist, hoping, praying that my world ceases.

its-where-the-wild-things-are

no matter how much you want to secure a memory in your mind, sometimes it just keeps slipping away..

i used to be so afraid of starting. starting a project, a hobby, just anything. it kills me to know the what ifs.

what if it doesn’t turn out the way i wanted to? what if i ruin it? what if i look stupid doing it? what if i fail?

lol im wasting so much time, getting ahead of my thoughts. i guess now, i’ll have to just start with starting. the hell with it.

some days, i watched the clouds be drenched in sunshine, some other days, it’d be filled with gloom, heavy and blue. i watched as the cloud drifts into singularity, i watched it when it binds seamlessly with the sky.

sometimes its difficult to understand why i am still here, thriving; despite the given uncertainties of the world.

"welcome to the real world"

today, you walk towards me. nothing extraordinary but i knew that body of yours is carrying the heavy weight of fatigue and sadness yet, you managed to walk this earth hoping that sunray beckoning you, would be enough to sting your very core.

numb. you told me before that all of your strings inside broke; perhaps dead to even get struck by a miniscule bolt of happiness. I never told you, that I missed your smile, nor did I told you I miss hearing you laugh.

today, you walk towards me. three steps closer, I breath heavy. two steps closer, we locked eyes. i took a step closer. embrace. I hope with that simple gesture, it would be able to whisper into your restless soul these words “you are welcome here”