As of now, I have only 19 days left until I am done with my internship.
It has been a long time coming.Ā
6 months ago, I realized that I had chosen the wrong profession, only after being fully immersed within it (before, I had just taken course and had short times in the actual job field).Ā
I wasnāt eating, and had a hard time sleeping. Never in my life had I failed so miserably at anything. Usually, when I put my mind to something, I make it happen. No matter what.Ā
But, when youāre going to work everyday at a place that you loathe, at a place that you feel you are failing not only yourself but everyone around you, it is hard to keep going. I stuck it out for 2 months, then, as stated before, quit.
I started working at a warehouse full time. Every day was different, either involving scanning packages, unloading trucks, or moving pallets. For the first time in a long time, I enjoyed my job. I woke up everyday at around 3:00 AM for work at 4:00, and continued working until 12:00.Ā
I donāt think everyone would enjoy this job, but I really did. Some days were exhausting, but the work was clear: Box A needs to be moved to Area B, and I knew just how to do it. Everyone there had to work hard and quickly, our work was constantly being watched and monitored for efficiency. It was a job filled with salt of the earth, good people. I felt like the people I worked with came from similar circumstances, and we were all just trying to get our paycheck.
I enjoyed it. I felt like I was contributing to something and that my work mattered. My paycheck was larger than what I every had, simply because I picked up so many shifts (IĀ didnāt mind to! I wanted to money, and it wasnāt difficult to push myself to get it).
Not every day was easy or roses and butterflies. Itās different to work in a warehouse, and much more harsh than other jobs. Thereās more risk of injury, the managers are very blunt, and fellow employees canāt always be trusted, especially in in a 200+ people warehouse (I definitely would always be on the phone when walking to the parking lot late at night/early morning).
I thought that I might continue working for the warehouse, but many of my family members insisted that I finish my degree (I am only 6 credits away to finish). Everyone insisted to me,Ā āWhy work at a warehouse when you could work ________(my degree field)?ā
I knew I didnāt want to work in my degree field, but I alsoĀ knew that, if I did not go back in this semester, I would never go back.
So, I found myself where I am now, in the last month of a 4-month long internship, constantly having to prepare, reflect and improve at something I do not plan to do one day after these 19 days are over.
I think I have learned valuable lessons, and perhaps it has all happened for a reason. But I am so glad to be almost done.
As the days to the end grow nearer, I find it harder and harder to focus on finishing.Ā
I have gotten more cold sores than I have since high school, I am just now feeling some healing from the flu, and I find myself constantly struggling to eat and get enough sleep.
I have to prepare for this upcoming week, which I know I should just do and get over with (it wonāt get any easier if I wait!) but, Iād rather than spend another minute in this profession.Ā
I canāt wait for the next journey, even though I have no idea what it might be. I am in no rush, and I will do what I have to do until I find that special calling.
Ā
I hope that this degree will mean something, especially considering everything Iāve done to get it.
I pray, once more, before the week starts, that I can get through one more week.
Essentially, if I can get through the next two weeks, I will be fine. Just these next two weeks. Please, god, get me through.
(and please, no more coldsores?)
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