the only acceptable dance, or magic

[superdancemagic]

I just looked over like the last three years of my thing here and no lie I’m really happy and content with it

I feel like I’ve struck a really delicate note of incomprehension and fondness

[ozarkaflash]

me

[unicornlordart-deactivated20190]

Dude, I just realized, in Pokemon, they probably use Phantump sightings to local searches for missing people. But it’s like a double edge sword, because you know you’re looking for a body at that point.

Like imagine officer jenny having to report to the family “… I’m sorry… but there’s been a Phantump reported in the area.”

[fini-mun]

How many kids have died in the damn forest?!

[seventeendeer]

okay but

what if the search team caught the Phantump

and they have to report to the family that their child may never come back as themself, but … perhaps you should have a look at this Pokémon. you might recognize it, or maybe it will recognize you

and okay, it may be a little bit harder to communicate with their little one now, and the future they imagined for the kid may not be a possibility anymore, but they found their baby, it’s right here, it’s safe, not to mention capable of pulling some sick magic tricks so nothing will ever be able to hurt it again

how many Phantump do you think live with their human families still, either because a rescue team caught them and sent them home, or because they found their way back eventually

how many children have kid siblings who just so happen to be Phantump, or big siblings who act like kid siblings because Phantump don’t grow up the same way human kids do

is there a network for people whose children have turned into Phantump so they can trade back and forth and let their little ones grow up into big strong Trevenant and move out into forests of their own

how many family reunions involve a Trevenant lumbering out of a nearby forest like [EARSPLITTING INHUMAN SCREECH] “oh hey, Brenda’s here you guys, welcome home Brenda”

just 

think about this for a moment ok

consider it

[anonymoustypewriter]

Consider me going into a forest and capturing someone’s actual child’s ghost/soul in a ball and using it to fight some rats and lizards and shit

[superdancemagic]

consider using the soul of an actual dead child to defeat and capture a wooloo

[cinemasangel-deactivated2019032]

[superdancemagic]

Look, that fucking shitpost of a poem did more for my personal development than almost anything else in high school and before anybody gets the wrong idea here:

1. I never wore a gold hat

2. no lovers were moved  It was like a lightning bolt that struck my soul at a very precise moment in my physical and social development that said, hey. Hey. Nothing you produce has to make sense, ever. All you have to do is sign your name on it. Then it’s their job.

[superdancemagic]

One of the best thing tumblr ever did was refuse at any point to acknowledge that I might like to know what I have said to other people in any easily-accessible way, or in any way at all

[sapphosees-deactivated20200731]

the two genders, dandy and bacchante,

[oncebittentwiceborn]

*points at a couple* so which of you ties a meticulous jabot knot every time and which of you runs screaming through the night drunk and covered in ivy

[littlewritingrabbit]

I don’t dress fancy to impress boys, I dress fancy to impress the ghost of Oscar Wilde.

[superdancemagic]

Figuring out who you’re spiting by being wildly overdressed is its own adventure that every queer should experience

[pangur-and-grim]

Hello! I saw your post talking about that assignment you had to do and you did one of wolves slowly evolving into seals? Would you be able to post that at all?? I would LOVE to read that

honestly, the paper describing it is SUPER dry so I’m not sure how stimulating you’d find it? “Ecological factors drive differentiation in wolves from British Columbia”, Munoz-Fuente et al

there’s a lot of assumption on my part - a self-sustaining wolf pack that’s genetically isolated, swims all day, and has not only developed specialized fish-eating behaviour but has LOST behaviours that let them hunt moose/other large game further from the coast? distinct enough to be considered an Evolutionary Significant Unit? ohohoh my boy those are future seals!

I’d like to make video essays that explore what I’m learning as an Evolutionary Biology student (ex. how the biological sex ‘binary’ is fake af) - would the wolf thing be something you guys want to hear more about?

[pangur-and-grim]

the day has come

[steviemcfly]

🎵 You’ve been hit by You’ve been struck by Car

[superdancemagic]

gun

[buzzlightyearhugecock]

i suck my ass till it bleeds

i can’t stand corporate greed

[buzzlightyearhugecock]

smoke a fuckload of weed

pee my pants when i sneeze

you want nuts? look at these

you want cock? mine is free

take a piss in the street

send god pics of my feet

sniff some fine cowboy ass

fart out pure chlorine gas

had to learn how to love

shoved my cock in a glove

beat my meat all night long

till i can’t feel my giant dong

ranking cocks? i’m number one

watch me shoot a fucking gun

watch me go commit a crime

watch me kill a fucking mime

see my cock? it’s quite unique

watch me clap some cowboy cheeks

they call me buzz cause that’s my name

don’t fucking talk to me again.

[tranarchist]

They did surgery on a grape

[lesbianrustcohle]

if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.

me: no??? that’s mean???

brain: polar bear, then

me: no

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: the lions just got fed raw meat

me: yes?

brain: steal it and eat it in front of them

me: …

[lesbianrustcohle]

rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received

[pro-survivors]

I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. 

[budgiekazoo]

sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering

[thenerdbeast-deactivated2018070]

@harinezumiko

[harinezumiko]

This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM. The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.

[lesbianrustcohle]

this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you

[blueelectricangels]

as biologist, can confirm

brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no!

brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy… me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it’s awake and angry so no.

brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup. brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn’t.

[thesanityclause]

reblogging for my zookeeper friends

[sunriseflame]

BABY BUNNY GOES IN POCKET

[superdancemagic]

Helpful volunteer: These anemone’s stinging cells are harmless to humans and land animals, since our skin has to be thicker than sea creatures to slow down how fast we lose water! Sea creatures don’t have to worry about dehydration the same way we do, so their skin is thinner! Helpful volunteer’s brain: you’ve got mucous membranes with thin skin, what would happen if you licked an anemone

Helpful volunteer’s tongue: licks anemone, discovers after the effect that the relevant anemones’ nematocysts can penetrate a mucous membrane to deliver a toxin that interferes with the sodium channel to cells and causes tiny non-acute cell necrosis that feels like a cold sore for a couple weeks Helpful volunteer: Yeah ha ha I knew somebody who licked an anemone once, this is what it does, don’t be like that dumbass

[inonibird]

So this is basically Set. (and this took far, far too long for how lazy it turned out; also wish the loop could be more seamless, but ah well)

full song [x]

[coolxatu]

fuck myer briggs fuck astrology

if you ask someone who their top 3 favorite homestuck characters were you literally know everything about them

[coolxatu]

if they dont know what homestuck is then you know theyre a normal human being

[hipstercanada]

everyone put ur top 3 homestuck characters in the tags

[superdancemagic]

#davesprite #terezi #the condesce #hightonedsonofafuck

[roachpatrol]

so i dreamed that the first astronaut to die in outer space was, after a bit of a debate between god and satan, assigned to hell. but the thing was that he had to get there himself. 

there was already divine infrastructure to conduct souls to heaven or hell from earth, but god hadn’t actually planned for humans to be able to leave the planet, let alone live long enough to get fifty million miles away from it. the space race was just too fast and weird and involved too few humans for god to notice. it was an absurd little edge case that had managed to totally blindside him, like that time someone boiled a kid in its mother’s milk. 

satan, of course, was ready. when the astronaut’s soul received its sentence, and the astronaut said defiantly, ‘you can’t MAKE me come back and get punished!’, satan just laughed and said ‘oh, buddy, i’m not going to HAVE to.’ 

the astronaut’s soul sat there for a bit, fifty million miles away from everyone who had ever lived or died. it was dark and cold and totally empty. outer space is only mostly empty: it still has tiny little motes of atoms here and there, it has planets and stars every now and then, but only humans have souls: on the other side of space, the side this dead astronaut was, it was completely and totally and utterly empty.

after awhile, he started walking home. blind and freezing, crying in the void, one metaphorical foot after the other. fifty million miles of nothing. he walked all the way back to earth. 

when he got there, he found that hell was locked from the inside. 

[superdancemagic]

Paid vacation does not happen

Weird feelings when you go into work and summon up the courage to announce “I’M TAKING A FUCKING WEEK OFF IN APPROXIMATELY SIXTY DAYS, IS THAT OKAY, ALL RIGHT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON THAT FAR AHEAD EVERYBODY DEAL WITH MY ABSENCE” and what follows after this incredibly minor act of boundary-setting is a hideous crystallization of boundaries and administrative policies on these boundaries, ramifying throughout one’s superiors and co-workers srs ufux i had the flu in april and the last time I took time off for fun was in march of last year I’m pretty sure you can deal I have that week off and it is official now but like. US people. Please know that the innocent dutiful babbins making sure your highways are not crap and your wall outlets work? It is fussy sometimes. 

[idionkisson]

“Stairs Appear in a Hole Outside of Town,” by John Philip Johnson and Julian Peters (Rattle #38, Winter 2012)