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[pfaugh]

Src

[funnytwittertweets]

[jb-blunk]

I love dusky pinks. this too is an earth tone, to the evolved mind 

[pissvortex]

Which ape has the strongest concept of sin

All chimps are devout catholics but go to hell by choice

[effemimaniac]

"sorry that probably doesn't make much sense" <- for perfectly intelligible & logical statements relevant to the present conversation

"you get what I mean." <- for unparsable non sequiturs

[robin-teddybear]

“as you do” <- for incredibly eccentric and even impossible actions

[semifinaldestination-deactivate]

Women be treating themselves to Special Coffee Drinks to motivate themselves to accomplish tedious errands

[mjalti]

[foodstain]

[fartinonfaces]

please let me go here when i die

[funohtrixpointnever-deactivated]

[doctor-roman]

Dante’s Divine Drive-in

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Dante, Drive-Ins and Dives

[funnytwittertweets]

[fortooate]

we teach girls to shrink themselves, to fit themselves more compactly in a transistor. we expect girls to double in processing efficiency every two years. we say to sufficiently advanced girls, you are indistinguishable from magic

[twinicegiantorbiters]

scientist girls in their labs, witch girls in their cottages. both are oh so hard at work coming up with new types of beams to shoot at each other

[twinicegiantorbiters]

they are sending their familiars and their lab assistants to fight each other in the forests and in the parking lots

[mmmmbees]

[cannibalchicken]

[ochipi]

Weird things I have done as an archaeologist

Washing cannonballs

Comparing human leg bones to my leg

Balancing knee caps to see if they’re left or right

Smashed my head on a drill handle while I tried to look cool dropping 3 meters of stainless steel down a hole

Trying to rescue mice out of the trench using a shovel and screaming how you’re trying to help

Glass still cuts skin, even after 500 years. And me being the dumbass I am to swipe my finger across to clean it

Getting distracted because you’re convinced these two pottery shards match in some place

Pushing my thumb into the decorative indentation a potter has made 300 years ago cuz I’m still a child

Trying to match shoe prints to one of your colleagues

Surely google knows the brand name on this 100 year old shoe shine can

[wigglyflippingout]

so last night my nightmare was that i was doing adult stuff writing checks, and in the part of the check where you say the amount of money in words, i wrote “fifty dollars fucking exactly”, and then spent the rest of the nightmare stressing about whether the bank takes checks with cussing in them or not

[wigglyflippingout]

the next time i see @loononthepond in real life i am handing her a check for “two dollars fucking exactly” and we will report back with results

[gallusrostromegalus]

Fiance worked at a bank and says they definitely took checks with swearing as long as they could read the “Fifty Dollars” part.

He once had someone hand him a check for “seventy-six dollars and twelve cents, I hope you choke on it asshole” with an additional “travel expenses, to hell” in the “for” section.

[normal-horoscopes]

Why are you dating someone who can't afford food and has to steal? Have some standards.

Dick is insane next question

[psycho-linguist]

[reeddacted]

don’t flirt with me!! ………. i’m delicate and foolish

[exciting]

petition to change all of academia’s “et al” to “& besties”

[alicedemettrie]

when im listening to my own library and playlists i feel like a powerful wizard but when im trying to show my music taste to anyone it feels like i have a shame cone on

[pizza-hats-of-the-world-1882]

The only difference between a wizard hat and a dunce cap is the wide brim of privacy