This is a Highlander parody

Spread me back over the table and give me your wallet. Is this your daughter? She seems nice. Hands off, buster, I'm memorizing your credit card number.

[lukmarc10]

mom i can't go to school today, it's everytime we touch day

[un-father]

[eerna]

And Eurydice was a young girl

But she’d seen how the world was

When she fell, she fell in spite of herself

In love with Orpheus

[bellaswans-khakiskirt]

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

legendary scrandle pull

[pissvortex]

[toskarin]

oh my god it hurts

[toskarin]

and it's going to hurt forever

[toskarin]

every now and then I see people passing screencaps of these posts around, and in the months after I made this post there were people checking in on me assuming I was going through grief or depression or something

to set the record straight, the context is that I had covid and was bleeding from my throat and lungs, but for some ungodly reason, I was feverishly driven to drink lemonade and kept screaming and writhing because I was pouring fizzy lemon juice on open throat wounds

[ivy-saurs]

randomly remembered this tweet and had to stop myself from bursting out laughing

[dreadwedge]

touch starved infant leaves hospital after contactless delivery

[garbae5000]

that baby went straight through the hoop. nothing but net

[dreadwedge]

swish

[dykecinema]

[c3po]

shlap shlap shlap shlap (sound of my titties hitting the bars in my minecraft jail )  let me out! let me outtttt!

[yookay-times]

[duchessvongooseberg]

[the-big-mood]

At Toba aquarium in Japan, after closing time, some clever little otter pups help their grandpa tidy up their toys. As a reward, he gives them ice cubes

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

[moruboru]

anyone else see the vision

[bettedavisgf]

My straight coworker who I am deeply in love with invited me to a Friendsgiving what kind of dessert can I make to convince her to leave her boyfriend of 9 years and run away with me

there’s no hope girl but make a cheesecake

[tomhardysurinal]

I have never wanted to open a spam email so badly

[anphivenas]

(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs

[creepymutelilbugger]

The bar for what a normal post is on this site is so fucked compared to everywhere else

[rodnt]

sigh…i came all the way to sephora but i don’t know which brands are asexual friendly….i have to hurry jugheads birthday is today…wish someone would help me out

[chuckecheeses]

Hi Sister Archie! James Charles here, might I suggest Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara?