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Breaking Free From Fear

DON'T FEAR THE TICKING CLOCKS!

If you're anything like me, the number one fear you hold in your life is the passing of time. And why not? It's something that exists everywhere, and whether you like it or not, you cannot do anything about it. It's no surprise why it's something to be feared, either. There are a lot of things that time can do to mess with you, and I've been a victim of it multiple times.

What comes next in your future, for example, is something scary. To succeed or to fail, to live or to die, it almost feels cloudy, like a thick fog covering your mind. I remember this film I watched, Casablanca. Its ending was uncertain, with a figurative and a literal fog surrounding the landscape. What were to become of the couple? What was to become of the cafe owner? We're left to guess what happens next, much like how we're left to guess what happens next. I've described this path as a long winding road, like the one shown in the artwork "Chasing the Light." The path towards your success is also uncertain: You never know what will happen as you trek it, or even how long it will take to reach your destination. This overall uncertainty can weigh on a man, and make them question if it's even worth continuing. If whatever I just said describes you, then I want you to know you are not alone.

Time being finite is another thing that leads to dread. For many, this sinking feeling is created, that something bad will happen when your clock strikes zero. Whether it's the looming feeling of death or some other kind of loss, it's a human reaction to fear of time running out. We're biologically programmed to panic when faced with fear, like in the artwork "Guernica." We, as humans fear death: and for many, that's what the end of a clock could mean. You can feel this pressure build up too: Having it all bottled up and exploding into something horrible at the end is something that can happen to a lot of people. Listen to "In the Hall of The Mountain King," and notice how it starts slow but builds up into something loud and exaggerated: This is a literal manifestation of that pressure I just described. I even argued that in my previous post, which was quite literally all about running out of time!

So, is that why you're scared? You're scared of what your future will be, and running out of time? You're scared of these things, caused by time moving forward?

I won't sugarcoat it, I understand these feelings. Time moving forward can be a scary thing, but it can also be beautiful. Take a look at the photos I posted under "Changing for the Future." Each of these beautiful phenomena is caused by time itself! The passing days, the changing of seasons, even watching your beloved pet grow up: you find each of these things beautiful, right?

Being afraid of time won't get you anywhere, either. I imagine, if you're anything like me, you're excited to get your degree. And yet, here you are, panicking about every little thing. What grade will I get? Did I do good enough? Am I making everyone proud?

STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS!

Why are you stressed out about something that hasn't even happened yet? Are you afraid of that uncertainty?

It's understandable to be afraid of the unknown, but, to always fear it takes out one of the biggest components that life has to offer! Sure, sometimes it might not be what you expected, but it's a part of life nonetheless. You wanna liberate yourself from this fear of time? Then, hold off on your fear! As put in the poem, "Freedom," you'll never obtain it "through compromise and fear".

In case it wasn't made clear, this manifesto is written out to all the people who are scared of time, its uncertainty, and its passing. However, this is also a personal declaration: that I am choosing to liberate myself from this fear. All my life, I've been afraid of things changing, as if time was running out. It's always given me this sinking feeling as if I was the drowning man in the video film "Ascension." however, as the video references the man's rebirth, I am undergoing one as well, starting right now.

And so, as you and I continue with our lives, make sure to enjoy every moment. Don't fret about things changing, and don't fret if you feel like time is running out. Don't let your doubts warp your mind, and don't let failures hold you back. For each passing day that comes, will come a new opportunity to succeed.

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Frenzy

Everyone once lived knowing what death was, but tonight people got to experience it firsthand. A frenzy broke out, and everyone began running, but from what? The fire, or the daggers concealed away? Rather, it was both their bosses: Death. People's screams filled the air, and livestock began scrambling too, since if you stopped moving, it could only mean that you had met a grim fate.

I created this piece of prose based on this piece of art by Pablo Picasso, titled Guernica. It showcases a mass frenzy, where everyone is in a panic, and death seems to be everywhere.

My bit of prose was designed to tell this madness in a reflective light as if a survivor of this madness was retelling this tale. There were shown to be screaming people, and danger looming everywhere, as shown by a hidden away knife, and some fire. But most importantly, on the left, a woman holding a (presumably) dead child. Looking closer, you can see another civilian being trampled over, presumably someone who lost their life. This, in turn, creates a look of fear on everyone's face. They understand the severity of the situation: that people are dying, and they need to start running. Every human is built in with a fear response to avoid death. It's something that we are biologically programmed to do. And in this image, we see this process in action, the raw fear that people experience when their lives are on the line. That emotion is an integral part of this work, and it's one that I attempted to make clear in my work.

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Recently, I came across this old video film by Bill Viola, Ascension. This video showcases a man diving into a body of water, sinking downwards, and then floating back up. Lasting for over a minute, you are treated to a view composed of blue hues and a peaceful, albeit bone-chilling, underwater ambiance. The video also appears to be slowed down, allowing the viewer to fully watch the man sink down and slowly float back up.

After watching the video, it's made clear how the video distinguishes itself from more traditional art. The ability to quite literally create motion allows for a more dynamic feeling that's harder to replicate in art. Motion is one of the tricky things in art to replicate, especially when you're trying to depict something going in one direction, and then going back the opposite way. This is important because it allows the viewer to depict new feelings, like for example, rebirth. The video's description mentions "crucifixion, redemption or resurrection," which typically, water is used to represent metaphorically. The video sort of showcases a "reset," as the man sinks, as if he were contemplating his past life's actions, and then going upwards to start a new life. It has an uncertain feeling of what will happen next, and yet it's a hopeful feeling, a second chance at life. This double motion is hard to replicate in still images: not impossible, but it requires a great deal of talent to perform. In terms of this piece representing modern television, I would say that it challenges it. In a way, it shares some qualities with art, where you are considering the definitions in the artwork, something that television, more often than not, doesn't aim to achieve. Overall though, it's challenge against television, in my eyes at least, is in victory.

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Hamlet

Following my recent delve into old media, I decided to go even deeper and try watching the Shakespeare play, Hamlet.

Before this viewing, I decided to read through the play's script. It was a gripping tale, but one scene that spoke out to me was Act 1 Scene 2. This scene primarily focuses on the new-found marriage of King Claudius and Gertrude, directly after the passing of Denmark, Hamlet's father. Naturally, Hamlet is still grieving, something his mother, Gertrude, and King Claudius attempt to alleviate. Despite their best efforts, Hamlet is still forlorn, and when hearing of Horatio witnessing his father's spirit, he's filled with curiosity and confusion. Reading through it, there was a heavy amount of exorbitant language, specifically the use of exclamation marks. One portion, in particular, that's a great example of this is Hamlet's souliquoy after the wedding. The sheer confusion and stress that Hamlet expresses through his father's loss is perfectly expressed here, especially when you consider the time that this was written. Just reading it, it was filled with expressive feelings and stress.

When I watched the play's reenactment, it showed that my thoughts on the emotions were true. During Claudius'es attempt to calm hamlet, I noticed a touch more tension coming from the actor playing him. It would make sense for 2 reasons. One, since this was his day, he wouldn't want to have this kind of despair at his wedding. But also, for a more obvious reason, he was the one that killed him in the first place. This is something that the reenactment hinted at in his tone and something that I couldn't pick up on through reading it alone. The staging and the movements of the characters all lined up with what I saw as well, and Hamlet was represented well, showing a heartbroken man, willing to do anything to see his father once more.

The main reason why I chose this part of the play was because it made me consider my own losses. As time went on, I lost a lot of people in my life. Primarily, this stems from the pets I've had come and go, from rabbits to fish, to a flock of chickens. There also exists the relationships that have come to pass. Moving from New York, I've bid farewell to many of my friends. Years have gone by, and I don't even know if talking to them is a good idea. It's been years, what do I even say to them: it's difficult to pick up after years of not even seeing each other. This feeling of sadness from losing someone, and not being able to see them again, is something that this part of Hamlet reminds me of greatly.

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RetroFilms

Films and movies have always been a major part of my life: I've always loved animated films growing up. However, I've been itching for a new experience, so I decided to watch some black-and-white films: Casablanca and Some Like It Hot.

Some Like It Hot was a hilarious movie, one that I'd say stands the test of time. After a pair of musicians become witnesses to a mass shooting, the only way for them to not wind up like a block of Swiss is to join a woman's band, dressing up like a pair of broads. They board a train heading to Florida, and make some interesting friends, from the lovely ukelele playing Sugar to the eccentric millionaire. Things continue to escalate, as the men make relationships with these 2, and spikes in danger when the mobsters show up to off the witnesses. Overall, the movie was well-paced and hilarious, showcasing the musicians finding ways to blend in with the others, to stay alive. The pairing of hilarious hijinks with a touch of risk also aided this movie greatly, and the music variety greatly aided in this tone as well. Overall, the movie was highly enjoyable, and one I would rewatch.

Watching the movie Casablanca was in my opinion, an experience of itself. The movie was focused on a man named Rick Blain trapped in a German-occupied country called Casablanca, where he ran a bar and casino in the back. The Germans were searching for another guy, Victor Laszlo, who was part of a resistance, and a notable one at that. All the while, he was itching for a way to escape with his wife, Ilsa, Rick's old lover. The movie surrounds interactions between the 3, the other workers, and the German police, spanning 3-4 days of memories and drama. Overall, the film was very well-paced, setting a proper tone that everyone in this film is gunning after another. Rick hates Ilsa for her sudden disappearance, and Ilsa needs some special documents from him so that she can escape. Meanwhile, Victor is trying to get out of Casablanca to return to America, while the Germans want him imprisoned for his crimes. The use of music was well placed as well, setting the correct tones for when things were heating up. A beautiful masterpiece, perfectly encapsulating romance and danger together.

The scene that stood out the most to me was the ending of this movie. In the final part, Rick, Ilsa, and Victor are all together, with the latter two about to board a plane heading for the States. The entire area is covered in a thick fog at night, which sets a perfect moment for the film's climax. Fog is a mysterious and spooky phenomenon, it's hard to see through, and there's no telling what you'll find inside. It could be something peaceful and pretty, or something scary and dangerous. Here, it's used symbolically, to represent the uncertainty of it all. The entire film has built up to this moment: for Ilsa and Victor to finally escape, and it's here in this thick fog where the last leg of their marathon lies. Between the tension building up to this scene, to when the plane leaves, and when Rick and the police officer walk off into the fog, there lies a gaping feeling of suspense: of wanting to know what will happen next. Will Victor and Ilsa make it safely? What of Rick and the cop? What of the bar that Rick had spent years managing? All these questions raced through my mind, with the answer blocked by that fog of uncertainty, as the film ended shortly after. And so, it's left to the viewer to determine what happens next, to decide the fate that lies for our friends in the fog.

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Changing for the Future

As time ticks on, things change: this is a natural rule that exists in our universe and cannot be interrupted whatsoever. Change is inevitable: it occurs to everyone and everything. I want to explore this idea as I have noticed just how prevalent it is in my life.

We start with the sky—a fairly simple concept, one that most people see daily. And yet, it is so very diverse. Depending on the time of day, its hue shifts from blue to orange, and then to black, cycling this process daily. You can see warm fluffy clouds during the day, and twinkling night stars in the night, as the earth is illuminated by the sun and moon working in tandem.

Nature itself is very full of change as well. All these trees, the grass, and the leaves: never remain the same. The tree grows new leaves to replace decaying ones. Branches fall off, as new ones sprout out to replace them. Even the grass changes slightly: it of course needs to be trimmed every once in a while. Despite how long they can stand for, nature itself is always changing and adapting.

The calm tranquility of a pond is another good showcase of change. Much like the trees and the grass, the plants inside are always growing and changing. The life inside of a pond can also change yearly, as fish, birds, turtles, and other critters find their way toward the rippling waters. It’s all a beautiful process, one created to showcase the true power change has in our world.

Even a simple household item like a cup experiences change. Its role changes each time someone grabs it, and it's a new experience each time. It may have to hold a liquid, be it water, juice, soda, milk, or even iced coffee. Or maybe it's needed to hold a dry snack, like nuts, chips, or cake bites. It could also be needed for nonfood items too. When this cup is snatched from the cupboard, there's no telling what's going to happen.

My dog can also be an example of change itself. I raised him when he was just a wee newborn, and watched him grow up to now being two years old today. He's still got a while to go, and room to grow as well. His bubbly personality can also change: he may not be the same energetic fuzzball he is today in 5 years. So at the end of the day, I need to make sure I cherish every moment I have with him.

When looking at the grand spectrum of things, many have come to either love or fear change. To some, it's a fresh start and a reset on the norm they have become accustomed to. To others, it represents the deletion of their comfort zone, one that they wish to avoid. For me, I see it as neither: just an eventuality that I, whether I like it or not, have to learn to get accustomed to. As the sun sets, as the leaves change colors, as the pond ripples on, as the cup fills, and even as my dog grows, it's all something that I'm stuck dealing with. So the best course of action in this crazy world is to accept this reality and roll with it.

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Clock's Ticking

The concept of time is something that many people have to deal with. For me, it's something that I constantly fear running out of. Due dates, times of the day, and at the moment, a hurricane, all play a major role in this fear of a ticking clock. Strangely enough, however, it's something that I enjoy listening to, especially while working on schoolwork. In a way, it helps me to lock in and focus on my assignment. It occurs often in songs I like, and I'd like to discuss it.

To start, we have "In The Hall of The Mountain King," a classical piece written by Edvard Grieg. The song's pacing begins slow, with few instruments, but eventually picks up its tempo, and throws in more and more instruments, to the point where it both sounds like it's clashing together and still fits so well. It's a perfect metaphor as to what happens if you idle around when the clock is ticking: Eventually it will all build up and end with one massive explosion of sound.

Of course, the most common fear of running out of time is that the consequences of it. The most common trope is the unavoidable grip of death: the fact that one day, you will pass away, be it from natural or unnatural causes. For example, the rap song "Tha Crossroads" by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, has someone mourning the loss of some of his friends passing on. It sets a tone of melancholy, as the singer seems distraught over the loss of his closest friends. Several references to the afterlife are made, and he even mentions that he'll meet them soon, acknowledging that death is inevitable. Overall, a calm. dynamic theme, to reflect on the lives of fallen friends.

"The Fuse," written by Bruce Springsteen, is another example of death's effect on a person. Often in the song, a reference to a fuse burning is made, as the singer talks about his life with another woman. A slow and tranquil tone, reflecting on the inevitable passage of time. In the end, however, those memories created as time marches on, are precious to the writer, something to hang onto as the clock ticks down.

Some people fear death, plain and simple. When your own life is on the line, the most common thing people do is panic. We discussed other people's time running out, so what happens when your own life is on the clock? "It's Pizza Time!", written by Mr. Sauceman, is a great example of this idea. It uses a combination of rock guitars and electronic beats, to create a theme that induces panic. They work well together, paired with samples of church bells and clocks ticking to cause stress: to remind the listener that they need to hurry up. Then at the end, it first speeds up, to play the initial theme spread across the song, but slows down, with only a few beats and clock ticks playing, as a signal that you have run out of time, and death's embrace is approaching. A perfect example of fantaisa, where stress is the primary theme at play.

Much like the previous song, I also frequently listen to "Distasteful Anchovi (JC-RE-EDIT)," by ClacsyJitto. Much like "It's Pizza Time!" it shares similarities, between the genres, and its samples of clocks ticking. However, the main difference is its tone; rather than driving fear, it's instead designed to give the listener a sense of courage. Death's beckon still awaits them at the end, but rather than panic and stress out, they're told that they have the confidence to do it.

Despite death being a major consequence of running out of time, there are still other punishments for the clock running out. "Running Out of Time", a jazz song written by Doc Jazz, is more slow-paced, with calming instruments, as if it's a love song. Its lyrics talk about a guy accidentally wasting time, and apologizing to his lover for such. A slow-paced rhythm, in an attempt to make his lover forgive him, as he's faced the consequence of letting the clock strike zero.

Time is one of the most important things in life, and running out of it is never good. Your friends, family, and even your own life, are all on some form of time limit, be it natural or unnatural, and even outside of it, there's always another ticking clock out there dictating your life. You can't avoid it, so the best thing to do is learn to live with it. Cherish every moment you have, and make sure that you get your work done. For when your clock strikes zero, you'll have lived a fulfilled and memorable life, with memories to cherish.

(Link to a playlist with all the songs discussed:

My Music Playlist

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Plots and Picking

One thing that I enjoy doing often is finding items that people throw out, and repairing them to resell them. For me, it's quite relaxing, and it allows me to learn a little bit about repair and cleanliness. I recall the first time I ever found something to sell.

"I was driving home from a busy day when I noticed a discarded television. Curious, I grabbed it and brought it home to see if it worked. After checking it, and learning that it was functional, a novel epiphany sparked in my mind: what if I clean it up and resell it online? And thus, a small and simple business was born."

It's a short tale yes, but it was influential for me. As a college student with no job (yet), earning money would be very difficult for me to come by. Many would be tempted to call that a situation in itself. However, with this finding, I was able to change that line of thinking, to now seek for stuff to earn money. This ultimately brought along a new situation for my life: something that would help me earn a few more bucks here and there. A big help, especially when my car broke down, and I needed to earn money to repair it. Perhaps me grabbing the TV initially was a foreshadowing of my new reality. Maybe even that thought I had initially was an exposition of that reality. In the end, after that day, my life would take a massive turn, to have this small business of mine be a part of it.

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Freedom

Poems, readings, poetry news and the entire 110-year archive of POETRY magazine.

Often, during life, I dream of when I'm free from life's clutches. The stress that life's pressure brings can be unbearable at times: something that many people my age might agree with. However, there exists a poem, "Freedom," written by Langston Hughes, that explains how to obtain this freedom, but also how NOT to obtain it. The poem begins with its first section clearly stating that freedom will never come "through compromise and fear". A very cold and quite blunt intro: the diction that the author used is very straightforward with this statement. It is true though: If you have to sacrifice something, be it your peace or something else to be free, are you truly free? The following section makes a declaration that everyone has the right "To stand, On my own two feet, And own the land." It feels very empowering: something similar to what a general would use for a call to arms. The land, I believe, is a symbol of what the author is saying you need to fight for: a reference towards the freedom that, as stated by the author, is something that everyone is entitled to. The final section of the poem has 2 very important sections. It first states how tired the author is of hearing people state that freedom will come. He mocks the idea of there being another day, stating that he "cannot live on tomorrow's bread." Here, the bread acts as another symbol of freedom. Rather than something you should own, however, it instead declares that freedom is something you cannot continuously wait for, which makes sense. As the author puts it: "I do not need my freedom when I’m dead," which shows that eventually, you're going to run out of time, wasting it on waiting for freedom rather than fighting for it. It acts as a really good metaphor for how you should take action instead of waiting around. The second part of this final section gives a more direct metaphor for freedom: relating it to a plant that's planted in "a great need." It demonstrates that, like a seed, for freedom to exist, there must be dirt (or the need and drive for it) for it to blossom. As mentioned prior, if you truly crave freedom, you need to take action to grab it. We all crave freedom: even the author states "I want my freedom, Just as you." Ultimately, freedom cannot exist without drive. This statement and idea is where the poem truly speaks to me. I used to sit in panic whenever something that interrupted my freedom came around. But recently I started going against that: instead choosing to fight for my freedom. If trouble comes my way, I won't sit down and take it: I'm going to make sure that I strike it down. In the end, this poem's message is one that I resonate with.

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Chilling at home after a busy day of college is, in my eyes, one of the best things you can do. As I lay on the couch, however, I realized how comfortable my home's structure is. The central area is a perfect example of this: it's designed so that the living room, dining room, and kitchen are all within swift reach of one another. It allows for a fluid transition between different environments; one that isn't easily interrupted. For example, if I need to grab a snack, the home's design allows me to swiftly enter the kitchen without issue. This central area also connects all rooms of the house nicely: Going left brings me to the small bedrooms, and going right leads to the master bedroom, laundry room, and garage. From other homes I’ve seen, this isn’t a unique facet. But in my home, I think it serves as the best example of this layout to date. As a result, it makes the home a very comforting place to relax in, serving its function as a domestic space.

During my college classes, one place that I tend to go to after classes, aside from home, is the cafeteria area. Its primary function, rather than a home, is for a person to sit down, eat some food, maybe do some work or relax, then leave. Compared to a home, it acts as a checkpoint: a place to rest between classes, whereas my home acts as the start and end goal. Under that mindset, it suits its role well. It provides a lot of space for resting, eating, and working. It can feel crowded at times, as this is an area designed for multiple students to reside. However, much like the home’s objective of comfort after a long day, it achieves that same purpose, except as a “temporary” rest, as a checkpoint. In the end, I enjoy both, as its comfortable design allows me to get the energy I need to press on through the week.

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Downtown Fort Myers holds a special place in my heart for its lively atmosphere and its great eating. As I munched on some DHOP pizza, I came across the art piece known as "Juego De Domino" (translated: Domino Players.) Built around 2017, it is a creation of Edgardo Carmona, a Columbian artist known for creating sculptures out of metal. Built in the round, the sculpture showcases a group of players placing dominoes strategically. Out of curiosity, I searched it up online, and it's stated to showcase the peacefulness of Caribbean living (according to artswfl.com)

As it's not super large, it currently sits between a sidewalk and an alleyway in Downtown Fort Myers, a lively and busy city: a stark contrast to the environment it attempts to simulate. In a way, it showcases the importance of taking time out to spend time with others. In a busy world, one could argue that social interaction is crucial for someone to have to take their mind off of the trials that life can bring. The statue sits in a fairly busy place where people pass by every day, and yet the players continue their game, unfazed by the city life. This, I believe, is the message that this statue brings. Life will always be fairly busy: there's no way to sugarcoat that truth. Whether it's through grabbing a snack, going on a trip, or even a short game of dominoes, we need to make sure we spend time with the people we love, as through that, we can take our minds away from the stress that life can bring.

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Pablo Picasso | The Dreamer | The Metropolitan Museum of Art

I was strolling through a museum the other day, and I found this print of a work of art called 'The Dreamer' by Pablo Picasso. It uses thick and rounded lines, soft and cool colors, what appears to be acrylic paint, and thick, bouncy shapes to create an image of a creature resting. It seems to be napping on a white cloud-like item in front of a cavern with flowers surrounding it. It gives off this feeling of peace and tranquility, through the creature sleeping peacefully, the cool colors, the sense of nature, and the creature's plump shape. This theme is exemplified in the art further through the art's context: we bear witness to a creature taking a restful nap, seemingly enjoying it.

On a personal level, I empathize with the creature, through how it seems to accept his current resting state. In general, life can be hectic: for me, schoolwork and home life are the major components. For the creature, seeing as how the art has flowers and a cavern, it most likely resides in nature and has to deal with foraging for food, fending off predators, and ensuring it finds a mate. Here, right now, the creature is taking the time it needs to rest. While its survival is important, without rest, it can get overworked, which can ultimately cause it to fail. This ideal, of ensuring that you are properly rested to ensure success, is one that I agree with. The tranquility drew me to this image, as it serves as a reminder of the human need to rest. It defines that no matter the species, and no matter the level of difficulty, everybody needs to rest.

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So I was scrolling through Instagram and found this bit of art called "Chasing the Light" by Alec Egan. Honestly, this reminds me of how my own life has been lately, and I want to talk about it.

This art piece depicts a man in a car, driving toward a light. In this work, this road seemingly stretches for miles, as the car prepares to descend a massive hill. Despite this, the car seemingly presses on. This detail of the car driving toward the light, I believe, represents one of my core beliefs, and is also the main theme of this portrait: percistance.

We all have dreams in this world: some large, some small, all of which we desire to complete. For me, my dream is to open up a restaurant. However, the road to achieving this, let alone any dream, is not easy. I can't guarantee that my dream will become a reality, and as much as I wish that weren't true, it's a real thought. I can't be certain that path will be easy either, let alone short. The road to success has ups and downs, like the hills in the portrait. The threat of surprises also lingers in the mind also.

However, it's ultimately up to the driver to press on, for what is the point of chasing the dream if you are in fear of its length and its surprises? In the end, even if you fail, you can always try again, and this is the main belief that this artwork represents about me: As long as I am still here, I will continue to work hard to reach my dream of opening my restaurant.

The light at the end of the road does exist, not only for me, but also for the driver, and you as well. And if those dreams are what you wish for, chase them, and never give up.

Alec Egan | Chasing the Light (2023) | Artsy

From Charles Moffett, Alec Egan, Chasing the Light (2023), Oil on canvas, 60 × 48 in

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A bit about me!

I'm currently in college taking classes for business. My end goal is to use what I learned to open a restaurant, where I'll sell tasty food that will satisfy everyone that eats it. I love cooking, and I'd love to have my career being solely surrounded by that. Apart from that, I’ve a many other hobbies I enjoy. Playing games, (sometimes) making games on Castle, drawing, and crafting are a few things I live to do. At the moment I’m in my third semester, so I’m hoping that I can get through this year, to make it one step closer to achieving my goal.