i. “why winter in detroit” - the gay blades // ii. “puppy mills presents” - the gay blades // iii. “poem [lana turner has collapsed!]” - frank o’hara
( robert sheehan, demi man, he/they ) — Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that STANFORD "FORD" O’CONNELL is a THIRTY-SEVEN year old EX-GHOSTWRITER/EX-RUNNER OF AN ADVICE COLUMN, A LA ‘DEAR PRUDENCE’/EX-SHAM SALESMAN/OWNER OF A TOTALLY LEGIT ODDITIES EXHIBIT that’s been in Chicago for TWO YEARS. According to the file, they are for mutants. That must be why they’re FREE-SPIRITED and TACTLESS. If you ask me, they remind me of aimlessly wandering from town to town, a friend to everyone and no one alike, the starry skies of idaho versus the clouded sky of los angeles, a beaver with a horn superglued to its head. They are affiliated with NOBODY.
QUICK FACTS:
full name: stanford “ford” jacob o’connell
date of birth: june 13th, 1985
zodiac big three: gemini sun, sagittarius moon, leo rising
gender & pronouns: demi man & he/they
sexual orientation: bisexual ( but grayromantic )
ethnicity: white
nationality: us american
languages spoken: english (5), spanish (3), french (3)
enneagram: 8w7
mbti: estp
temperament: choleric-sanguine
alignment: chaotic neutral
affiliation: n/a
alias: in a previous life - arabella
BACKSTORY:
triggers: i don’t think there are any !
stanford was born to the picture of ‘average middle-class nuclear family in nowhere, usa’ ( because, really, isn’t all of idaho ‘nowhere, usa’ ? ) -- granted, with a few more siblings than the average nuclear family, the second eldest of five, but nonetheless...
from a young age, stan possessed two great things: a temper and a gift for writing. a scrappy kid, it didn’t take too long for his teachers to work with him on a strategy while his parents dealt with the rough job of raising five whole kids: channel it all into writing ! the frustration he was so quick to feel, the rough edge he was so quick to act on... take a moment, write it down, put it into words.
the pen is mightier than the sword and all that.
this worked marvelously -- not to say there wasn’t still the occasional scrap, but his talents flourished as he wrote short story upon short story ( some more disturbing than others -- take the frustration out, right ? ).
he wrote his first whole novel when he was sixteen, some horror he wouldn’t be able to recall all the details of. but horror and gothic were where he shined the brightest.
eighteen, one of his short stories was published in a collection. nineteen, he self-published a novel... to no avail. twenty, he self-published a collection of short stories... to no avail. twenty-one, he tried a novel again... to no avail.
but they caught the attention of an otherwise well-known horror author -- not quite stephen king level, but close enough to have an established style. the woman got in contact with stan and proposed a ghostwriting deal -- and he jumped on it ! she told him the idea, the general character ideas and a slight outline, then released him to write it and mimic her style.
she was a pleasure to work with, so he continued doing so for four years, during which time she managed to ‘write’ six novels.
the grapevine put his name out to other authors and, with her blessing, he began working for others. the pay was decent, although the more he worked with these authors getting all the credit, the more tired he grew... the more money he felt he deserved.
twenty-seven, he got the gift of writing for stephen king ! stephen king ! and that was, like... what more could he ask for after that ? besides more time writing for king ! and... more money.
he was shot to LA to ghostwrite a memoir for an actor renowned for his horror films ( think vincent price ) who’d stepped out of the limelight for a bit too long. and LA was decidedly different from idaho and from maine and from any other city or state he’d visited on behalf of his ghostwriting adventures...
quite frankly, he loved the hustle and bustle. but the people he met when he was around price knockoff ? he couldn’t say the same. and he wound up getting into a few blows... eventually knocking him off the project altogether.
but, in hindsight, maybe it was a blessing. because he was going to be paid scraps for that memoir. he had written for the king of horror and he was going to be paid in crumbs for this celebrity exception !
he considered reaching out to the first woman he ever wrote for, he considered trying to get in touch with one of the bigger horror authors again... but, ultimately, would it be worth it ? working his ass off for no credit at all ? he was burning out. and he had just enough in his bank account to last a year and some months on the road.
as a refresher from the endless work and stress, he opened up a blog: ask arabella. taking notes from advice columns and blogs, a la dear prudence, he set it up with the help of an old friend from idaho, now in nevada. and a friend of the friend found it amusing enough to help it gain traction, using their social media savvy -- something stan had never had to develop.
with a thanks, he hit the road again and became arabella in different states and cities.
but he could only live off of the ghostwriting money for so long, and arabella only had one sponsor, so he began looking for some alternate cash solutions. something easy that he could do from anywhere he wanted.
sometimes they were his inventions, sometimes they were crafted by someone else, but at thirty-one, he started selling complete and utter shams. the type of things you’d see in infomercials and think ‘i bet that would break easily, but it looks fun’ -- only these things didn’t just break, they never even worked. it was cheaper that way.
it didn’t exactly find folks in favor of stan and he went straight from moving from city to city, new person every night, to running from city to city. a pretty hated guy, it was only a matter of time until his luck ran out.
at thirty-four, stan had to rebrand.
they tweeted things about how ‘we will all dearly miss stanford o’connell’ from their twitter, shaved their hair, got some tattoos removed, and started going by ‘ford’ instead.
ford emerged in chicago at thirty-five. they sold the ‘ask arabella’ domain for a hefty $10k after the popularity it had garnered and settled well enough in the city, one of the few cities they had not yet ruined their name in.
but they didn’t know how to make an honest living anymore ! not if they actually wanted to make a living, at least. and one thing that they witnessed in the forest on the outskirts of chicago... inspired them. they knew it was probably just a mutant, but this mutant would change their life.
using the $10k they got from the domain, as well as all of the income they still had from the ghostwritten books ( king’s being the best-selling, of course ), they turned a shabby hut into an ‘exhibit’ with basic living necessities on the top floor.
the exhibit was easy as pie to make once they finished the conversion of the building as a whole. steal ‘buy’ a rabbit carcass, glue some antlers to it, place it in a glass box. rinse and repeat, but with different ‘oddities.’ suddenly, the forest on the outskirts was an amazing place ! mystical and terrifying ! with stories to accompany each and every single prop !
with high ticket prices and an array of merchandise, ford was out of the red quick enough thanks to the wealthy and gullible tourists, of which there were many. ( let it be known that there is absolutely a ‘no refunds or returns’ policy ! ) a small staff, just three other people who were in desperate need of any job, were hired... and ford can only guess that they’ve stuck with them either because of their undeniable charm ( ha ! ), a continued inability to find a job, or the stability they provided ! because, if nothing else, they were a good boss !
and that brings us to present day ! no, they don’t know will is there ! no, they don’t know tom is there ! yes, it’s a comedy !
TIMELINE:
BORN -- in 1985 to a nice, typical, nuclear family. a hellish amount of siblings, though !
KID YEARS? -- scrappy and short-tempered as a young’n, stan’s teachers helped him move it from real life to pen and paper.
TEEN YEARS? -- his writing was undeniably amazing. in his later teen years, one of his short stories was published in a collection ! but every time he tried to self-publish, he’d see no success, even if it was the best damn book ever written !
AGE 21 -- a successful horror author stumbles across his books and stories. she reaches out to him with a ghostwriting opportunity and he jumps on it.
AGES 21-24 -- he works steadily for the same author, as she’d proven a nice woman who actually believed in his skill.
AGE 24 -- he’s reached out to by another horror author who had heard of him through the grapevine. they offer a higher salary and he churns out a couple books for them.
AGES 24-27 -- he writes for more people, for different people.
AGE 27 -- he writes for stephen king ! for stephen fucking king !
AGE 29 -- he’s offered a job writing a memoir for a renowned horror actor, a la vincent price. he moves to LA to work with him closely. he realized that he loved the hustle and bustle of a city that big like no other, but the people within the actor’s social circle... he got into blows with a few of them and wound up fired from the project. but, you know what ? he was growing tired of doing all the work and getting none of the acclaim. he’d been working nonstop for almost ten years for crumbs !
AGE 30 -- with the help of an old friend from idaho, he set up a blog called ‘ask arabella’ -- a sort of spin on ‘dear prudence.’ a friend of that friend found this concept so amusing, they helped stan gain traction through social media savvy.
AGES 30-34 -- stan hops from couch to couch, person to person, lover to lover, city to city, state to state. he runs ‘ask arabella,’ but with its single sponsor, it only provides so much money. so stan finds a new way to make money from anywhere: selling sham products. these products weren’t just ‘works for two or three uses,’ though. no, they were basically ‘never works ever!’ they made him a helluva lot of money, but sacrificed his ability to hop from city to city... and forced him to run from city to city.
AGE 34 -- stan has to completely rebrand. pretending he died on social media to get the general public off his back, he shaved his head, removed a few tattoos, hid out, started going by his alternate name: ‘ford.’
AGE 35 -- chicago didn’t know ford. and ford found something they could make more than a quick buck off of if they were willing to stay in the same place for more than a few days: some creature ( probably just a mutant ) out in the forest on the outskirts of the city. they sold the arabella domain for a hefty $10k and put all their money towards opening what was basically sham central: an oddities exhibit made of total bullshit. with their steep prices, no refunds/returns policy, and attraction towards the wealthier, more gullible, tourists, they started to make a killing. as an aside, they resided right above it.
AGES 36-37 -- they got out of the red and hired a small staff. the employees were desperate and totally strapped for cash... which was fine, because ford still didn’t have enough to pay his employees anything above minimum wage. in fact, he didn’t start paying the teenager minimum wage until november of 2022. they have successfully built a pretty good life for themself in chicago -- and they’re confident it’ll just get better !
HEADCANONS:
loved comics as a kid ! their favorite superhero was booster gold. but who was even cooler than that ? penguin !
the novel ford wrote for stephen king became a bestseller, but they don’t care about that. what they care about ? it’s now on oprah’s bookclub list.
more to come ! i’m so tired !
CONNECTION IDEAS:
employees ( 1/2 ) !!! -- they have three employees: a cashier, a handyman, and a stocker. outside of the basics of what their job entails, the only addition is pretending that everything in the parlor is totally legit... or, at least, not actively acting like they aren’t totally legit when customers are around. ( one of the employees is a teenager, hence the three employees with only two spots available. ) would have been briefly strapped for cash and desperate for a job !
fling who got the wrong message !!! -- ford is not the type for commitment. that worked beautifully on the road ! it was mutually understood that it would be short-lived and based on lust alone ! but, when stationed in one place ? yikes ! but there have to be some other non-committal sorts out there, right !? ...maybe not...
the rest of the o’connell siblings !!! -- the two sisters... bring them... ask kael for details.
flings -- again with the non-committal thing, but, like... y/m gets it and also views it as just a fling or ons !
people they always spot in the forest -- they live right beside it in their oddities parlor. they knows that every actual strange thing in the forest is probably just the result of a mutation.
customers -- maybe they think it’s fun, maybe they realized they got scammed and are intent on getting their money back ( which will not be happening )... idk !
brainstorming ! i might list some more ideas later but... as of rn... off the top of my head... this is what i got !