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Fucking God

@sureiamgod

I am Fucking God. Me damn it!

34 posts

Aug 26, 2018

Fucking God turned 5 today!

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone

Sep 11, 2013

In the beginning there was the word and the word was a lie. I bore false witness onto the cosmos and shaped all from deceit. Ye, I tell you, even the truest of things is but a wicked fiction.

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #creation #lie #creation myth #wicked

Sep 10, 2013

Whatever, as long as you just shut up.

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #whatever #shut up #just shut up #fuck

Sep 1, 2013

Actually, the dinosaurs didn't die out. I just brought them all up to heaven. Heaven is full now. Guess that means you all have to go someplace else. Now, excuse me while I go ride a T-Rex across a field of tiny marshmallows.

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #no more room in heaven #dinosaurs #t-rex #marshmallows

Sep 1, 2013

And then I did something so terrible that angels, creatures without free will mind you, got so mad that they spontaneously grew some free will and told me they didn't want to work for me anymore.

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #free will #angels #angel #war on heaven

Sep 1, 2013

Look, there's one kind of people down there on Earth - jackasses, every single one of you.

-- Fucking God

#one people #fucking god #jackass #we are one #humanity

Aug 31, 2013

I made my beautiful world and then some aliens fucked everything up when they dropped you lot off.

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #ancient aliens #aliens #humanity #humans

Aug 31, 2013

Little known fact: It was originally Adam and Steve, but Steve nagged me into performing a sex change on him and then dropped the first two letters of her old name.

--Fucking God

#adam and steve #god loves fags #fucking god #sex change #steve to eve

Aug 30, 2013

I created the angels and gave them dicks they were never supposed to use. Then, when they used those dicks anyway, I drowned their wives and children while they watched. I'm still not sure why a bunch of them turned on me and started a war.

--Fucking God

#fucking god #nephilim #angels #war on heaven #the flood

Aug 30, 2013

Actually, the correct translation of Lucifer is 'morning wood' but King James didn't want to put that in his Bible.

--Fucking God

#Lucifer #the morning star #satan #fucking god #king james

Aug 30, 2013

The god of the Pastafarians is in great taste. I've tasted it personally.

--Fucking God

#fucking god #pastafarian #pastafarism #spaghetti monster #pasta god

Aug 30, 2013

Every absolute statement is entirely bullshit.

--Fucking God

#absolutes #absolute statements #bullshit #fucking god #every absolute

Aug 30, 2013

Oh yeah, it's totally important that your holy books include an inventory of cattle that have long since passed away. That's what I care about. That's gonna be on the test after you die!

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #cattle #strange things in holy books #it's on the test #after you die

Aug 30, 2013

And they asked me, 'Can God make a whiskey so strong that even he can get drunk?' And I said unto them, 'I don't fucking know, but I'm ready to give it a damn good try!'

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #whiskey #a rock so big god can't lift it #get drunk #damn good try

Aug 30, 2013

Wait... you really think I want you to cut your privates, the privates of your children, and the privates of your enemies? What the fuck is wrong with you people?! That was a fucking joke! You weren't really supposed to fucking DO IT!

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #foreskin #circumcision #privates #genital mutilation

Aug 30, 2013

Your reality is a lie.

--Fucking God

#fucking god #reality #nature of reality #reality is a lie #lie

Aug 30, 2013

The value of things is a bunch of made up nonsense. Trust me, I know about made up nonsense!

-- Fucking God

#fucking god #made up #nonsense #value of things #trust me

Fucking God @sureiamgod - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag