Bible Verses Where The Word “Wicked” Has Been Replaced With “Problematic”
selections from Mallory Ortberg’s ‘Problematic Bible’
Genesis 13:12-13
Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. But the men of Sodom were exceedingly problematic and sinful against the Lord.
Exodus 9:27
And Pharaoh sent and called for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, “I have sinned this time. The Lord is righteous, and my people and I are problematic.”
Leviticus 18:17
You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, nor shall you take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness. They are near of kin to her. It is problematic.
Leviticus 20:14
If a man marries a woman and her mother, it is problematic. They shall be burned with fire, both he and they.
Numbers 16:26
And he spoke to the congregation, saying, “Depart now from the tents of these problematic men! Touch nothing of theirs, lest you be consumed in all their sins.”
2 Chronicles 7:14
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their problematic ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Job 34:18
Is it fitting to say to a king, ‘You are worthless,’ And to nobles, ‘You are problematic’?
Psalm 37:7
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings problematic schemes to pass.
Matthew 22:18
But Jesus perceived they were problematic, and said, “Why do you test Me, you hypocrites?”
Of the time I got blackout drunk and apparently played Pokemon on the subway and beat a gym battle and caught two Pokemon (Lapras and Tauros) and named them Drake and Future and didn't realize it until days later (today).
A very rough, short comic put together in 3-4 days because I wanted to experiment a little and practice drawing cats.. The original concept spawned from a thought that I tweeted a few days ago.
I had to eyeball from stock photos for some poses of the cats since I don’t actually have a cat to reference (I’m mildly allergic… Much sadness). Although there are many mistakes artwork-wise, I hope some of you will enjoy! Thank you for reading.
I’m sure this will go the way my return to this account generally proceeds: back for about three days, followed by forgetting about it yet again for another four months or so.
In the meantime, I dunno, I might try using this more for jotting down some personal stuff to have ~that outlet~, or maybe not. I guess I used to use this blog for such things before it devolved into amusing internet photos and songs I liked? So if you turn the clock back five years, this isn’t as weird.
Anyway, I’m married now? It’s been the bee’s knees so far solely from a relationship perspective; recent life occurrences have occasionally made it tough to savor the situation, but we’re doing our best. The rad Disney World/cruise honeymoon helped. TBH the reason we even got together to begin with, let alone decide to hang with each other indefinitely, is because she used to read my Tumblr and found it funny, referring to me henceforth as Internet Funny Kevin to her friends and close associates. It me!
Job situation is whatever, but NYC continues to be the greatest. Hoping it doesn’t spit me out anytime soon. Although family is in town this weekend and we went to Times Square as they’d never been, and it I could probably do without that for a couple months of years. Especially because the Toys R Us is leaving?! The Disney Store had actual real Bolt plushes, though. Never thought I’d see the day.
Weirdly been thinking about my pre-2011 life lately, which is to say before I got very serious about my profession (and when my activity here took a severe dip). Not that I yearn for the past, because I realize people grow up and things aren’t going to be the same forever; it’d have been naive for me to think otherwise then and now.
But I dunno, I do miss the friendships I had then, or still have to varying degrees, especially some of the cool Internet folk I befriended in late high school/early college, back when I was somehow more uncool than I am now. Again, it’s not like I want that back exactly as it was. It’s just that sometimes, I feel like things could at least something a little lesser but still fond rather than oftentimes a measly shadow of what it was.
And a lot of that is my problem. I come from a family of highly extroverted people (and that goes for the extended family of the bunch) but I’ve always been the black sheep that has a t e r r i b l e time interacting with people, making friends, keeping them, that sort of thing – save for very random circumstances that I can’t quite explain. It’s rare for me to make the first move – even my wife can say she’s the one who messages or texts me first 95 percent of the time – and the longer things go without contact, the more I just figure they won’t want to talk to me anyway. It’s a weird vicious cycle that almost always proves itself wrong, especially when it comes to my friends from high school who I nowadays don’t see or hear from for quite some time but can pick back up with them like no problem.
All that is to say that not only did I effectively damage a certain friend group relationship with one of my actions a few years back (or so I’ve led myself to believe, and I’ve never quite been swayed otherwise) that in retrospect is incredibly frustrating to think about, but I also can’t maintain these things worth a shit and always get in my head that they certainly don’t care and have their own IRL friends or talk to each other independently of me (whether this is true, untrue or somewhere in the middle), so man, don’t even bother.
Except I wanna bother. I want everyone to be cool with each other again. It hurts, and I told some of them this at my wedding. It just doesn’t feel right, and hasn’t felt right. And maybe it’s on me to fix or perhaps it isn’t. I at least imparted how fucking dejected it makes me feel, because I think about our old conversations, collaborations, plans or whatever every day. Every single day. And I wish I could do that fondly rather than wondering where it went wrong for the 100th time.
This post took a turn I wasn’t expecting, but it feels good to say it somewhere, so ehhhhhh? Livejournaling the heck outta this, bro.
Wanna try to start actually posting on Tumblr more. Figured maybe a song a day would help me get back into the swing of things.
This one’s been on repeat all day. All the juxtapositions are killer, great vocals, smart lyrics… can’t wait for the debut album later this spring.
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
titsay
pixelskylines
origamiaround
