She almost doesn’t even notice Genji had come and sat down next to her, and even when it does register that he’s there, she doesn’t really acknowledge it initially, too deep in thought. However after a moments pause she does glance at him and offer him a warm smile- as she usually does when she greets him. No matter what she may be struggling with or what her burdens may be he always deserved to be greeted with a smile.
Turning her attention back to the water, she seems to get a little tense as he speaks, a gentle prod to talk about what’s on her mind. Her fingers lightly grasp at the fabric of her skirt, her expression thoughtful but she’s struggling to find the right words to express herself.
Mostly because she’s a little scared to. Genji is a treasured friend and they mean the world to her, she’s scared if she were to tell them what’s been on her mind that she’d be putting that friendship at risk. However a part of her also knows that unless she was pushy about it and made him uncomfortable- that Genji wouldn’t cut their friendship short over something like this.
Still admitting something like this, especially when everything in your gut is telling you it’s never going to happen, is hard even if it is liberating. At least she’d know for sure.
Shadow closes her eyes, trying to calm her nerves “It’s… nothing..” she murmurs “I mean it is something but… it’s not like I’m in trouble or anything..”
Shadow mentally kicks herself. Never really was graceful around him. “Genji, I-“ she stops and chews her lip a little clutching tightly at fabric again, she’s just got to get the words past this stupid lump in her throat. “I Uh.. I have ya know” she lightly gestures with her hands but it’s just vague and doesn’t get the point across.
She laughs weakly at herself “Y-You remember when you told me about how you were in love? But.. the person you were in love with was already spoken for? How it was something burdening you a-and you came to me just… to get it off your chest?”
She pauses “w-well it seems.. I’m in a similar position except… I can’t really say that I’m in love, nor can I say that they’re spoken for but I do.. very much care about them… and even though I could tell them I also very much value my friendship with them and I’m scared for some reason that telling them would compromise that relationship”
She’s still unable to bring herself to look at him when she speaks. She’s already feeling pretty emotional she’s not sure she can look- hell shes barely even managed to get herself to talk.
“I told you to tell him because a good feeling can start to feel like a burden, it doesn’t feel like a good feeling.. or something along those lines.. seems I have a hard time following my advice” she falls silent lightly curling up so that her knees are to her chest.
She realizes her leggings are a very slightly different shade than her skirt.
“I want.. to tell my friend how I feel but.. I’m too scared too. I’m more worried about it scaring them away than I am about rejection. Although… rejection sucks too. The possibility of losing them entirely is far more intimidating.”
She rests her head on her knees, it feels almost like someone had reached into her chest and started to squeeze her heart. The ache is dull but her entire chest feels it, and she keep having to swallow down that stupid lump in her throat. This was already awkward without her getting emotional and crying about it. She doesn’t feel she actually has any reason to cry, she’s not lost anything. Nothing bad has happened although nothing that good has happened either.
Scared, That’s probably why.
She sighs and hides her face in her arms and a curtain of soft silver/blue hair.
He can only hope, as he listens, that his silence is not taken for discomfort; conveying a patient expression without a face is something of a difficult task. But Genji keeps their gaze turned towards her, you have my full attention, and does not make a sound beyond quiet hums of acknowledgment now and then until Shadow begins to retreat into herself again.
“Unless concerning behaviours were to manifest on your part, such as pressing boundaries without consent,” Genji begins, calmly, “the presence of romantic feelings is not something that so easily destroys a mutual friendship. Of course, some people cannot stand the thought of being around someone who feels that way, for whatever reason - that is understandable. But as I understand it, it is not the most common response.”
They do not reach out to offer physical comfort, unsure if it would be welcomed, but they do not move away, either. Genji folds both hands in his lap, head inclining slightly, and sighs through his nose before taking a breath.
“If I am jumping to the wrong conclusion here, tell me,” he says, gently. “But I would prefer not to talk in riddles. If I am the object of your affections, I am flattered, though I do not feel the same. Our friendship is not in jeopardy, in my eyes. And if I am not - well...” He laughs - somewhat inappropriately, a habit originally picked up from his master, now used to ease the tension - and spreads his hands in something like a helpless who can say? shrug.
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