yabai

I don't really use this anymore but if perchance u are one of my old friends pls feel free to ask for twitter xoxo

[bunchashapes]

@gomjabbar had a really good idea and i had to actualize it

[svenpai]

how dis shit even work anymore

give me ya twitters

[svenpai]

wow tumblr fucken changed huh

any y'all still around??

[todaysbird]

theres this statue in singapore that was created by fernando botero and its just this giant fat bird and i think he should officially be added to the ‘wonders of the world’

[antifa-hulk]

This is the Absolute Unit other Units report to

[todaysbird]

cockatoo alignment chart

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator. 

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen? 

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine 

Me: oh thank god

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

[willtime-deactivated20181102]

[datafarmer-deactivated20180714]

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[holyrights-deactivated20211021]

give her one

[holyrights-deactivated20211021]

give her a cheeto.

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

say what you want about elon musk but you gotta admit it’s extremely funny that the rescue team got those boys out before elon could even finish masturbating all over his shitty little escape pod 

like he was hemming and hawing over what kind of music to load it with and the thai rescue teams just. got the job done normally. without him. he contributed jack shit and his shitty little submarine was rendered useless by completely standard scuba gear and a few determined workers. 

dude tried playing the white savior just got blown the fuck out by people who actually cared about what was going on 

[earthdad]

me, bleeding to death: help…. me

friend running in: WHAT HAPPENED?? WHO DID THIS TO YOU???

me, pointing: he… he did it

the murderer in the distance:

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

guy inspecting my bag at the airport: hmm, this bag is full of stupid garbage… looks like the owner is a dumb shitass too. arrested.

[kadzhi]

Attention:

[leftboob-enthusiast]

Like no offense to my friends and family but if I had the chance to abandon this timeline for a medieval fantasy land I would absolutely do it, goodbye student loans and depression hello cool magic shit and most likely an early death by the sword (as it should be)

[pointnclick]

how come David Cage keeps making games? why is this allowed? why can’t he be stopped? how is PT and Silent Hill gonna be smothered in their cribs and he just keeps doing things, making a robot racism x to sadness game? what dark agent of chaos backs him, allowing him to sow the seeds of madness?

[stupid-bird-adventures-blog]

Here is an older photo of the cockatoo at my former work

[owowowowwoowoowow]

im on the verge of an anxiety attack due to financials and this is the only thing currently keeping me grounded