things don't get better, just different

what if it's never ok again? (lizzie, 26, chronically depressed. you don't want to be like me.)

[swallowglass]

ask time 💞

if you could be a flower, which one would you be 🌼 🌸 🌻 🌹

and hugsssss 💕💕💕

Ooooh good question. Maybe a lupine cause they're one of my favorites and they get to live in the mountains. 🏞 🪻

What would you be?

[swallowglass]

Risks im willing to take

[swallowglass]

Also im not going back to iop! Because im going to php instead -_-

[swallowglass]

Do you wanna see me causing problems on purpose? Cause I can do that if you want

[swallowglass]

Dear John came on my playlist and I just remembered that time my mom was yelling at me essentially for exhibiting traits of mental illness and was like "you're acting like an abused child" and like. Ive got a personality disorder now so maybe you should've seen that and been concerned instead of angry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but what do I know

[swallowglass]

Writing emo fanfiction and wondering if you still have to have a sitter if youre on 1:1 observation in the hospital if you have a visitor and trying to think back to how it was when I was on 1:1 and then remembering that nobody visited me then lol 🙃

[swallowglass]

Well that sucked. And now i have to go back to iop.

[swallowglass]

Guess who has to stay in the ER until 10 am (11 hours) to talk to a psychiatrist!

[swallowglass]

Ok I'm stupid

[swallowglass]

Hm

[swallowglass]

Kinda sucks that the only two explanations are either that no one noticed, or people noticed but no one cared.

[hiveswap]

they dont tell you this but you carry your upset younger self in you like a parasitic twin

[kosmogrl]

[swallowglass]

Sometimes i think I have cptsd because I meet a lot of the diagnostic criteria and aspects of my childhood and adolescence were terrible in ways that still affect me in extreme ways. Other times I think there's no way I could have cptsd because aspects of my childhood and adolescence were great, and on an overarching level I was never actually in physical danger except from myself. Like I was spanked as a child but who wasnt. And thats it. The rest was all just psychological and generally it wasnt even on purpose.

(Which is not to say that psychological/emotional abuse "doesnt count," but it is to say that i dont think what I went through was "abuse" per se, I just think that my parents didnt know what the fuck they were doing. Tbh)

[paper-wounds]

[heavensghost]

[swallowglass]