So! it's been a loooong year, but it it's time to finally look back and review a little about what I've been doing...
It's officially been a year since I made these posts about my stroke (back then, I had not made any reblogs since the 23rd of June, I was hospitalized on the 26th, and I had entered rehab on July 6th. As you may note, I've been back on tumblr long since my hiatus explanation.
(However, now I look back and see I hadn't actually posted any creations - writing, art, edits, or otherwise since April of 2023. 😬Yeesh. I hope to change that during July or August. Before my stroke, I was coming home from spring semester on campus, and I was already planning to take a break from my studies for at least the summer and fall, and had hoped my writer's block would relieve itself after Father's Day and I had adapted to being home again.)
Anyway! What's been up more recently/how am I feeling? — Pretty good. Started feeling much more like myself partway in April this year, when I felt I could tap into the 'flow' of creative thoughts, for writing, and they were coming easier, and I was getting excited about getting back into it, and art, and other media. However, I decided to wait til I had some ideas planned, and to get more medical stuff handled.
I still have a lot to do over the latter half of this year, but I thought the anniversary of the hiatus post would be the best time to make an update. I'll be making other posts as well, including something to pin on my blog, until I have some new media posted.
Plans! — Of course, I’ve played various amounts of Animal Crossing, Pokémon, and other games over the past year, so I hope to share some edits/vids/experiences from them.
Art! — I eventually want to migrate my art either to Ao3, or here on tumblr, or on my own website, but basically just get it off DeviantArt or Instagram, since AI art generators are running rampant on them and other various websites. Not that my art is <that> good, but I don’t want to support websites like DA or Insta as much.
Speaking of, I will eventually be making my own website, and ‘locking’ my Ao3 to only logged in users, so that it will be less likely to be scanned by AI generators. I haven’t done it yet, but expect posts about that soon.
Writing — On the smallest scale of update, I’d revisit my first fic, Inhibitions, that I originally began in Spring of 2013 (I had forgotten I had started it in HS, 😅 sheesh!) I think I’ll be making my own comments on some of the chapters, and I’ll post about them on here as well. It’s still so important to me, as it was cathartic as I dealt with my own depression and anxiety over the near dozen years since, and I want to share part of the writing process, research, or my thoughts now.
Following that, I hope to update Aspirations soon too! Finally I’m figuring out some writer’s block, and wanted to show something for it.
Alongside, I may also have an update for my Star Wars Nouveau AU, on fanfics Aliit or Jedi Scholar soon, but am still figuring out some things on the back-burner.
Of the greatest relevance to me and to those of you in the Sandman fandom, I want to update my Sandman fic, The Nightmare of Orpheus, as again, I’m finally getting through some writer’s block, and I would like to update it before we get the “A Midsummer Night's Dream” episode (next year? Somehow sooner? Who knows?)
— as far as when I’ll actually have any updates before August, I aim to have proper goals set by my birthday, July 21st, so if I have fallen short, you can at least expect me to make a progress update then!
ok so, I approached my local library with a proposal to donate a mural as a way to A: build portfolio/gain practical experience and B: give back to a beloved public institution. The director was very enthusiastic about it and i've been working on it since the beginning of March. Come with me as I endeavor to paint what is in all honesty an excessive amount of birds
I wanted the birds to look like they were actually in the space so first thing after doing the draft was to do a lighting study
after that I covered the walls in letters in lieu of a projector/vr headset bc i have neither of those :) Then i take a picture of the section of wall and superimpose the lineart over top of it so I can pencil in the lines
et voila
and that was a whole week on it's own so next comes the paintin' >:)
my chains are broken i am FREE. although i did have a great deal of fun with this, the barring on the wings itself took me like four days and i am READY to move on
this was a week and a half of continuous work so please excuse me for getting a little emotional in the bg 🙏
BIRD NUMBER 10!!! The Male Mallard Duck, Anas platyrhynchos
the male and female ones are gonna be posted separately bc they're taking a lot longer lol but yea! super happy i was able to capture the iridescent green of the head, i found metallic green and blue paint at a craft store that really made his head POP. it looks better in person i promise
ALSO!! As this is the 10th one, BIG announcement. The end is in sight!!!!! I plan to finish within the next 3 weeks and there will be a small dedication ceremony/ unveiling happening at the library to commemorate its completion on the 16th of May. If you live in the Western New York region and want to check it out for yourself shoot me a dm!
Also thank you everyone for your kind words and support throughout this whole process, it's been a genuine treat thinking there are potentially thousands of you out there cheering me on while I paint this 🥹
we're movin right along with bird numero 11!! The lady Mallard!! Anas platyrhyncos
the 16th is looming in the distance so i'm trying to get thru these as quickly as i can so i can have as much time for the GBH as possible. i still need to do the names next to all of them so i've got about a week and a half to finish everything which is GREAT because i have adhd and nothing gets my ass in gear like a fuckin deadline, let me tell you
power couple that they are, here's bird number 12 and 13,
the Northern Cardinals, Cardinalis cardinalis
and NOW that they are complete, ITS GO TIME, in the next five days (library's closed for mother's day 😭😭) i need to have the GBH fully rendered, the names of the birds vectored, weeded, masked, applied to the wall, and then painted, plus additional cattails throughout. I may be able to get away with just getting the GBH done in time for the unveiling and then just have the names and cattails added later, but i'm gonna really try to get it all done in time. BUT, i have a plan. Part of why i take so long on these is because i really am just figuring it out as I do it lmao. there have been many a time where i am sitting on top of the ladder googling "how to paint birds" but I think if i take the time tomorro to do all that figuring out how to approach it beforehand, this will go a lot faster. I may also recruit some of my artist friends to help with the placing of the names... hrmm we'll see.
Anyways, shout out to the librarian who tracked down exactly the thing i needed so i could figure out where to place the highlights in my birds eyes, ur the real mvp
thank you to everyone who reached out or got excited about this project, it genuinely gave me the fuel i needed to keep going. In total, the 480+ total hrs it took me to cover this wall pales in comparison to how long its expected to spend on there, hopefully imparting a sense of beauty and love for the natural world to the next generation and here's hoping i'm only getting started with these.
Hellooo wonderful mural work. As a fellow artist interested in getting into murals can I ask how you approached your local library, and what paints you used? Do you have to put some kind of varnish over murals? 🤔
hey! thanks for reaching out! do you have any prior informal experience doing murals? i think having a strong portfolio is gonna be the very very first step in getting ur foot in the door, and even if it's not a mural per-se, any sort of large scale work you've done will do nothing but help ur chances of getting a mural opportunity! Before this, i had done three murals just for friends and family, so i had those to show, but i also had very large chalk drawings (think like 8/10ft squares) from chalking competitions to show. Local chalking groups are also great places to find out about calls for work, so search your local fb groups to see if theres one in your area! I know you asked about just the approaching and the paints but I'm just gonna lay out the whole process from the idea to actually gettin paint on the walls so i can refer people to this if the question comes up again. thanks for asking!
Da Process, as experienced by me, a 30 yr old cis-passing white dude in america*, replication mileage may vary
* I'm bringing my demographics into it because I want to acknowledge that my race and assumed cis-ness very well could have had a hand in getting me this opportunity, who knows how it would have gone if i was anything different, but don't let that discourage you from putting yourself out there! Being polite and confident will be the sharpest tools in your arsenal, so prioritize that.
anyways:
- collect and conglomerate a portfolio of your large scale work, whether that be on instagram or a personal site, just something you can link to. if you don't have anything large you can show, you can still move forward but having that prior mural experience definitely helped me
- pick a location to approach with your proposal. I picked a library for a couple reasons: 1. they have a lot of connections to other community entities and are often staffed by artists and creatives as well, so you already have a receptive audience 2. Public libraries have hundreds of patrons walking through every day, you never know who you'll meet so it's great for networking! i've had two different admins from the local well known art gallery take down my contact info bc they just so happened to be bringing their kids in to pick out books. 3. Libraries are fuckin awesome and if any public institution deserves nice art, it's libraries. I also had been patronizing this particular branch for years so that familiarity helped build the confidence to present my proposal!
- at said location, i took a picture of an area i thought a mural would look nice in, brought it into procreate and drew a mockup over the photo of what i thought would be fun to paint! Don't be afraid to make the subject stuff you really enjoy/specialize in, as long as it's appropriate for the space. This does a couple things for you when going to present your idea: 1. it gives the client something tangible to look at, instead of placing the burden on them to come up with something, u got this ready to go 2. demonstrates your ability to design for a space and 3. by choosing the original subject, you're starting the conversation in you ballpark; worst case scenario: they want a completely different subject matter, best case: they look at it and go, word, yea that looks great, go for it, and now you get to paint something you actually like! Yippiii!
- once i had my mockup i literally just walked up to the circulation desk and got straight to the point: I was a local artist looking to establish myself as a muralist and wanted to donate a mural as a way to network and get my name out there. " Here, i made this mockup of what one could look like, who can I talk to about this?" And in my library's case, I was given the name and email of the librarys' director and was encouraged to reach out.
- so i did! This is what my email looked like:
Hello [ADMIN]!
My name is [NAME], I'm a local artist based here in [LOCATION]!
I'm reaching out to see if it would be possible for me to be able to donate my time painting a mural for one (or multiple!) of your library branches. I'm looking to build my mural painting portfolio and I figure if anyone could stand to benefit from such a venture, then there could be none more deserving than one of my local libraries. I spend a lot of time in your [LOCATION] branch so I'm eager to be able to give back.
I already have several large scale pieces under my belt (see [LINK]) and have just finished a year long contract with a local scenic painting shop, so I have a lot of time and experience to give. I've done both private and public paintings and work well with both. I already have a good amount of paints and supplies so I'd need very little in terms of raw materials. My instagram is [LINK] and my portfolio site is [LINK] if you wanted to see more of my work.
If this sounds like something you'd be interested in investing in, I'd love to set up a time for us to meet up and discuss the opportunity further! My number is [number]. //you don't have to give ur number out, just some way to reach you
I hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you,
[NAME]
- and for two weeks, i didn't hear ANYTHING. which was disheartening because i really thought they would go for it. Now! if i had left it at that and just let myself believe their silence meant they thought i was weird or cringe, then NONE of the rest of this would have happened, so i implore you, FOLLOW UP AFTERWARDS IF THEY HAVEN'T RESPONDED WITHIN 2 WEEKS! Bc that's exactly what happened to me. Here's how i handled it:
Hello [DIRECTOR]!
My name is [NAME], I'm just following up on a previous email I sent about two weeks about about potentially donating my time towards painting a mural at one of your branches?
I stopped by the [LOCATION] Library last night and made a mockup of a mural to give you an idea of what I am capable of. I am a scenic artist by trade, but I am trying to branch more into mural work. I have done sculpting and painting work for multiple household name companies so know that the work done would be of high professional grade.
If you are interested and would like to schedule a meeting about it, please don't hesitate to reach out here or by phone at [CONTACT INFO].
thank you! I hope you will consider giving me the opportunity to contribute!
[NAME]
I know making phonecalls and following up is the enemy of everyone on here but U GOTTA DO IT! because it was only after that 2nd email that i finally got a response:
Hi [NAME],
For whatever reason, it looks like I never received your previous email. However, I got this one! I appreciate the sample image and the time you took.
Your scenic work is especially beautiful! I would love to incorporate more painted art into the [LOCATION] Libraries. It is amazing that you are willing to donate your time.
I honestly think that all 4 of my libraries could use murals
I had to pivot for the [LOCATION] branch with decals due to funding and needed something on the walls. My original idea was ‘Reading helps you soar’, so hot hair balloons, clouds, and I would have loved birds in flight that are local to the library since we’re adjacent to a birding nature trail. The lighting in the renovated area resembles clouds.
There is an opportunity, especially at the [LOCATION] Branch for a future mural as the building was just renamed to [NAME] building – which may be covered by legislator funds. If we can showcase your work ahead of that, it could bring some more publicity and support your way.
[DIRECTOR]
- YIPPII.GIF
- GREAT! Birds are a specialty of mine so I immediately zoomed in on that and we worked together to come up with a mockup that she could present to the board to get it approved.
- And it did! The board unanimously approved the design so all that was left was to start planning! I was unemployed at the time so it was easy to sink my time into preparing for this. This is where my industry experience helped out a lot but basically to get goin you gotta know the size of the area you're gonna be covering. This is most important for pricing a job but it also helps with time estimates, so make sure you're able to get on sight to take measurements and pictures before anything else happens.
- This is where I met with the director to discuss the grits like:
timeline expectations, progress checkpoints, where i could store my supplies/ wash my brushes/ dump my waste water, what my availability was and within what hours i'd be coming in at.
- i'm not going to get into calculating the estimate based on surface area but i'm sure there are a lot of good online tutorials on the subject. since i wasn't charging for this one i didn't go further past "ok, this is a 6' x 45' wall
As far as communication goes, alls i'll say is unless they tell you to stop, keeping your point of contact well updated on the status of the project (i do weekly update emails) is only going to reflect well on you, and from what I've experienced, clients really appreciate being kept in the loop.
Random bits, vital bits highlighted in green
- speaking of loops, site-specific considerations have to be made, since this was in the kids section I had to construct simple barriers I could move around as needed and also keep children out of the work area. I made mine out of pvc tubes and rope to cordon off the area (very important) i also highly recommend getting 2 sawhorses and a large slab of MDA board to act as a portable work desk for mixing, 10/10
- track your hours, i keep a little note file going with time, date, hours worked and a brief summary of what got done
- other things to consider: GET TAPE N DRAPE AND COVER EVERYTHING, GOOD GOD. also get canvas floor covers for the floor/carpet, plastic sheeting tears and moves around
- also as far as paint goes, you can get pint samples of the paints you need for pretty cheap at lowes, i'm using flat matte exterior paint for this interior mural and it's workin out just fine. If you want the extra fancy stuff that costs a bajillion dollars, go find your local PPG store. You can also ask them about what paints they recommend for the surface you're covering but mine was just straight up regular ole interior paint on drywall. Were this an outside mural I would opt to seal it, but it's gonna be fine without a topcoat if it's inside and out of reach of little kids' grubby mitts, which mine is.
- OH! speaking of drywall!! ask if their maintenance guy has the original wall paint!! mega useful for covering up dings and smears of paint, very güd 👍
- get plastic cups, disposable gloves and tongue depressors for mixing up and saving specific colors, u can wrap the glove over the cups' rim as a reusable lid
- a heat gun is useful for testing colors on the wall and not having to literally watch paint dry, some paint dry a LOT darker and you wanna test it first before using it. just don't hold it too close to the wall.
- extension chords. vital.
- don't forget to inspect the wall first before painting, if it's greasy, paints aren't gonna spread nicely on it, sometimes you gotta sand the surface to help the paints adhere to it better/make the surface more even. bring a washcloth and a spraybottle of water/alcohol/dish soap
- in more commercial spaces they'll expect you to have some type of insurance, look into independent contracting insurance
- if ur in the US, some states will offer grants for people trying to start small businesses! look into it!
- if you can afford it, look into projectors for design transfer, i spent a week meticulously drawing out each of the birds using the doodle grid system which probably turned out better than if i projected it but for more general designs a projector is gonna be way quicker
✨ and most importantly don't forget to have fun and be yourself ✨
if you have any more questions feel free to dm me! thanks and best of luck!
(I’m definitely not the first to pose this, I’m just putting it into words/math)
Zayne is Sept. 5th
Xavier is Oct. 16th
(1 mo. + 11 days diff.)
Rafayel is March 6th
Sylus is April 18th
(1 mo. + 12 days diff.)
Caleb is June 13th
Following the math, and considering that the MC outfit (from the latest banner event) probably fits better with Valko’s birthday than with Zayne’s, then his birthday would be somewhere in between July 21st thru the 29th (allowing for a three-day leeway on either side of 1 mo. + 10 days.), if Valko’s is in July.
Now, Infold might not actually be following this math, so if I’m using the Zodiac signs to visualize, and I know Valko won’t have his birthday in the same Zodiac wedge-month as Zayne, then he might instead be a Leo, and therefore his birthday would have to be in between July 23rd thru Aug. 22nd. I think this would make sense.
(although I doubt Infold is depending too much on the Zodiac’s to decide, assuming they’re kinda arbitrary and aren’t steeped into Chinese culture or symbolism, it just helped me visualize, and they do put the Zodiac signs of each LI in their basic info (in the 'With Him' section) and I’m just very certain that the MC outfit is meant to pair with Valko rather than Zayne. Particular with the fact it has a dogwhistle as a necklace. Slim chance it's actually a fox or wolf whistle for some reason in visiting the Arctic, but that's beside my main point.)
So, knowing that, and knowing that Valko may end up being delayed from release [#BRINGVALKOBACK], with the fact he was cancelled and we’re all campaigning for him to be brought back, I think his ‘re’-release could coincide with his birthday, or if we’re lucky, even come within a seven-day leeway to allow for his birthday event.
So, that’s what I’m riding my hopes on, that if we don’t get news from Infold in range of the 9th, when Valko was supposed to be released, then I’m hoping there would at least be some news before July 23rd.
July 21st is coincidentally my birthday, but I’d certainly be relieved to have any news before then. If the news comes after my birthday I will certainly start to lose hope, but I will hold out thru at least Sept. 5th so that we know before Zayne’s birthday. Now, if the MC camo outfit is for Zayne’s birthday event, then I will figuratively eat my hat and probably do some joke photoshoot with Zayne in retaliation. XD
Everything is feeling a little heavy, but that's alright because Valko is heavier.
ABOUT | 2500 words. fluff. pre-relationship. first kiss. UST. self indulgent. emotional hurt/comfort.
"Whatcha watching?"
Your body jerks in surprise, sending your phone tumbling to the floor as your hands come up to muffle the high-pitched yelp startled out of you.
The sound of the cat compilation video echoing through the living room undermines the fierceness of your glare when you turn to face your intruder. That teasing rumble all too close – and all too familiar – to belong to anyone else but-
"Valko," you chide, wishing you could blame the jumpscare when your stomach dips at the sight of his windblown hair and innocent expression so close to yours.
Though letting himself into your apartment like this was nothing new, had become a part of your routine for months at this point, if you're honest, there was something that had been feeling different about Valko's visits to you lately. Less vexing and more… comforting.
An increased awareness of him, maybe? The sound of his voice. His size. The way his laugh and personality managed to fill the room more than his bulky body. Of the way he always tripped over your living room rug or tried to sneak a rub of his scent into every pillow. Of the way he stood so close when he spoke to you, capturing you in the sweet honey of his eyes.
It was something warm that pulsed in your chest, something intimate that had started to hook your gaze to his mouth and magnetize your palms to his skin even today, when you're at your lowest.
His right ear twitches at the sound of his name as he grabs your phone from the floor, a crease of distaste scrunching his nose when he clicks on the screen to stop the noise and tsks, "Looks like my 'dogs are better than cats' speech needs some work."
"Maybe I'll be more in the mood to hear you out–" you take your phone back and set it on the table with a huff, "–when my 'please use the damn front door' speech finally penetrates that thick skull of yours."
A crooked grin scrawls over his face. The pointed tips of his incisors reflecting the dim light of the small lamp you'd flicked on purely to save you from feeling like a complete gremlin while you moped this evening.
"Gonna tell you the same thing I tell Ma every time she says that." He unfurls from the crouching position he'd been in and drops his weight beside you, making your normally sizeable loveseat suddenly feel cramped. "Processing info is for the ears, not the skull."
Resting your cheek in your palm, you narrow your eyes at him with a considering hum.
"What?" Your uninvited houseguest turns to face you, eliciting a concerning creak from the loveseat as his knee comes up to rest on the cushion and his arm drapes over the back. An oversized paw just shy of brushing your shoulder. "What d'you mean, 'hm?'"
"Trespasser, jumpscaring people, terrible manners, and a smart ass to your mother?" You note each transgression by holding up a finger. "No wonder you're always prowling around Linkon alone."
"Hey, hey! Woah, woah, hold on." His hand darts forward, covering yours like it'll hide the evidence. "No– I mean– sure I may be some of those things, but trust me," he puts one of your fingers down and leans forward, another sad groan coming from below the cushion as he rests his elbow on his knee. "I wouldn't be sitting here, or hanging out with you – or breathing – if I were a smart ass to my mother."
Despite yourself, you feel the corner of your lip twitch, the closest you’ve come to a smile all day.
It surprises you how naturally it comes, how much lighter you feel, as you take in his easy grin, his warm palms, his artless gaze. Makes you worry that you're becoming used to this feeling, to something you might be misreading.
"Why?"
"Well, she has this really brutal way of grabbing you by the ear and–"
"No–" the word dissolves on a giggle that has both his ears twitching and an expression you can't quite interpret crossing his face. "I mean, why are you sitting here? Hanging out with me?"
"Oh. I kind of–" He stops, a hint of pink creeping onto his cheeks as he looks down at your still-linked hands. "I mean, I sorta felt like something was… off. With you." You're suddenly glad for the loss of his gaze as he starts to fiddle with your fingers, pressing the pads of his fingers to the tops of your nails as if to test their sharpness. "It's like a.. tug?"
Your mind races with panic as you realize just how much your attraction to him has been tugging at you over his last few visits. "Are you saying that with this– this bond or whatever, you can feel my emotions?"
"Nah, it's not like that." You hope he can't see the stark relief in your gaze when his eyes meet yours again, letting go of your hand to press a palm to the center of his chest. "It's not emotions that call me, it's, well… you. Calling me, that is. Needing me. Or, pulling at me, more like."
Your brows arc upward. "Like a leash?"
His head shoots back dramatically, paired with a groan that sounds almost as distressed as the loveseat still suffering under his weight. "Mercy, little hellion. Let a man keep at least a little dignity." He shakes his head with a bark of self-deprecating laughter. "But yeah. You've got me leashed up good. Happy?"
His question is gentle but pointed, hopeful. His frame still leaning over you, an umbrella shielding you from the sadness and negativity that have been pelting you all day.
Your chest warms at the sight, making it all the harder to respond with a sad smile and the shake of your head as the all the reasons you're not happy come flooding back.
"Alright," he says easily, unphased and unrelenting. A considering look enters his eyes. "Just means I've gotta take more drastic measures here."
In a blur of movements you barely have time to process, he turns his back to you, kicks off his boots – an oddly polite gesture that has you reconsidering just how serious he was about that leash comment – and flops backward. The broad span of his shoulders forces your bent knees down to accommodate the weight of his head as it nestles into your thighs.
"V-Valko! What are you doing?" you stutter, heartbeat galloping as the scent of amber and pine and him wash over you. His ear twitches as he takes your awkwardly hovering hands, placing one behind the wolf ear on his right and the other behind the human ear on his left.
"There," he says with a wiggle of his shoulders, like your thighs are a pillow he's nestling into.
When he notices your hands haven't budged, he gives you an expectant look, nudging the sides of his head into your palms until your lips twitch and your fingers start to move.
"This is your drastic measure?"
He hums in response, eyelashes fluttering as your nails scrape gently over a rose-coloured mix of silky hair and plush fur.
"And this is supposed to…" The question trails off but your hands continue.
He shrugs, the heat of his shoulders anchoring your thighs as one of his arms sneaks around your waist.
"I dunno, distract you? Annoy you, comfort you, take your pick." His eyes lock onto yours, sincere, earnest. "Whatever you need."
The combination of his touch and his words act like a stick of dynamite, blasting through the boulder of tension and worry that's been sitting on your chest all day.
You take a deep breath as he sighs in what you instinctually know is relief. And for the first time since he's mentioned this "bond" of yours, you think, maybe this thing goes both ways.
The thought that you might be starting to figure him out as well as he always seems to understand you brings a small smile to your face.
His lips mirror yours. "That's what I like to see," he says, voice low.
You roll your eyes and flick his ear to disguise the way your stomach flips when the praise rumbles through your thighs, flexing them to jostle him and joke, "What? Me being suffocated?"
His finger comes up to tap the end of your nose with a self-assured grin. "Stop pretending you dont like it, I saw that weighted blanket on your bed." You're not sure if it's you or the loveseat that squeaks when he tugs you into his face and nuzzles into your stomach. "Wanna tell me what's got you down?"
There's something about Valko's bluntness, about his willingness to tackle everything head-on, that catches you more off-guard than his casual and abundant displays of affection ever do. It's straightforward, without artifice. And though there's no hesitation in his request, there's somehow no pressure in it either. As if no response you give him could ever result in offense or resentment or awkwardness, making it feel like the most natural thing in the world to tell the unvarnished truth.
So you do.
"It's just… everything? I don't know, it's all piling up. Like, there's work, lack of sleep, friends I'm not keeping up with, not to mention the general state of the world."
You pause, finding his attentive gaze already on you when you look down to see if you're making any sense. He nods encouragingly, the ears on his head twitching in unison like an attentive audience.
"So I guess I've just been thinking about it all and it feels a little overwhelming. Right here." You press a hand to your chest. "And… heavy, I guess. Like–" You raise a pointed brow. "Like getting crushed by a giant mutt on my own sofa."
His jaw drops in dramatic affront. “You– did you just-” He snaps into a sitting position, your loveseat groaning in despair before he points a finger at himself, as if there could be anyone else you were talking about. “Mutt?! Oh you just crossed a line, you hellion.”
Any response you might’ve had morphs into a high-pitched squeal as you’re scooped up by a muscular arm and thrown over his shoulder.
“Valko! What are you doing? Put me down,” you manage through giggles and laughter as he hauls you to the bedroom with what sounds like a muttered 'I’ll show you a giant mutt.'
You land on the mattress with a breathless oomph, the stray laughs bubbling from your throat feeling foreign but welcome as Valko descends over your figure in an army crawl, finally stopping when you're nose to nose.
Your chests meet on each breath as he reaches up to brush hair from your face. His eyes seem more yellow than amber in the dim light, like marigolds, and you can't think of anything more fitting for the resilient, protective man above you.
"Hi," you breathe, grinning wide.
"Hello, gorgeous," he murmurs, darting a glance at your lips that has your heartbeat pounding against your ribs.
The shadow of his tail swishes behind him as he lowers his weight onto you, fitting his body over yours in a way that anchors and comforts you rather than stifles you.
"Better?" He mumbles into your neck, the heat of his breath awakening gooseflesh over your collarbones. "You know, now that you've made my pedigree your punching bag?"
"Yeah, actually," you realize with a giggle, fingers brushing over the soft bristles of his undercut. "I do."
You haven't laughed this much in a while. In fact, despite being pinned under the heaviest man you know, you haven't felt this light for a few weeks now, you think, which was… the last time he visited you. You close your eyes briefly, mourning the loss of your sanity at the realization that he was right earlier. You had needed him.
"Then listen to me real quick." Your hand slips to his jaw when he raises his head, his smile smaller, his eyes intent. "Next time you feel overwhelmed, or if it's all feeling like too much, you don't have to isolate yourself, or doomscroll, or muscle through it alone. I know I look like I'm all brains but I can help carry things. So just call me, yeah?"
You smile, agreeing with a small nod, pausing before you joke, "With the leash?"
"Okay, who's the smart ass now?" he mutters with a shake of his head, crooked grin back in place. "I meant with a phone. But the leash works too, I guess."
"What's it like?" you ask, curious for the first time since you've learned of it.
"The bond?" His eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips, a knuckle tracing your cheek. "It's like one of those less traveled paths in the woods. Barely visible to the naked eye, but once you find it and start walking on it, everything starts to feel… right."
"Your chest gets really warm and you have this zappy feeling in your gut." His lips tip up in a faraway smile as his eyes follow the path his knuckle makes over your ear, your neck, your collarbones. "Everything feels possible when it's there. Lighter. And when it's gone? Anything you do feels wrong. Empty."
"But…" You swallow past the heartbeat in your throat. "I thought you couldn't feel my emotions," you protest weakly.
A spark ignites in his eyes, electric enough to charge the air between you as his expression morphs into what you can only identify as a primal satisfaction. He inhales deeply, as if he's trying to memorize the scent of this moment, holding your gaze as his eyelids lower.
"I can't," he breathes, so close his nose brushes against yours when he shakes his head. "Those were all mine."
Your lips part, tongue hovering in wait between your teeth as his palm comes up under your chin, fingers settling on both sides of your jaw to draw you in. Your eyes shut as his lips descend over yours, and despite the warmth of his palm, the first brush of his tongue feel like being doused in flame. You wrap your arms around his neck on a moan, humming when he tilts your head to lick into your mouth again and again.
"Valko." The soft, fuzzy sensation of his buzzed hair grazes your knuckles and he sighs into your mouth, as if you're breathing life back into him with the sound of his name.
You take the chance to nip at his lip, holding it hostage between yours until he answers in kind. The sharpness of his teeth like bee stings on your mouth, soothed only by the sweet honey of a tongue that's licking, tasting, consuming the flushed skin between your lips and your throat.
His body sinks into yours, each of his muscles and contours taking shape around yours like heated metal, a weapon being forged for its master, its weight the heaviest thing you'll ever have to carry again.
➻➻ MASTERLIST
NOTE: They can take my undomesticated wolf man from me in the game but he will live on as a terrible house guest in my delusions forever xoxo
Summary: in which you meet the LaD boys for the first time and they see passed your weight
Pairing: all the lads boys (separately) x (F) Reader (non-MC)
TW: body shaming/fatphobia, verbal insults, negative body image commentary, self-esteem issues, fluff, suggestive (Sylus), body positivity
a/n: I mean no disrespect, I only want to spead the love to all to the plus size girlies out there, because you are queens and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! 👸💖
THE WEIGHT OF BEING SEEN
XAVIER (word count : 525)
You tighten your grip on the collar of your coat as the wind picks up. The evening is bitterly cold - the kind of cold that seeps through your skin and settles deep in your bones.
Pushing open the restaurant door, you're greeted by a wave of warmth and the comforting aroma of food.
The kitchen is an open space and several members of staff greet you by name as you make your way to a table. Thanks to its cozy atmosphere, delicious food, and friendly service, you've become a regular.
Despite the extensive menu, you barely glance at it anymore. You already know it by heart.
“Good evening.”
A young waiter approaches with a notepad and pen in hand. One you don't recognize.
He must be new.
“May I take your order?”
You begin listing the dishes, and the waiter writes each one down.
“That's quite a lot of food.” He remarks
You chuckle. “The cold always seems to work up an appetite.”
“Are you waiting for friends or family?” he asks.
You look at him in confusion.
“If you are, I'll let the kitchen know so we can time everything accordingly”, he explains. “That way the food won't get cold before they arrive.”
“No need,” you reply with an appreciative smile. “It's just me.”
The waiter's eyes widen.
“You mean you're planning to eat all of this yourself?”
His voice comes out much louder than intended.
The waiter clears his throat.
“I'll put the order through right away”, he mumbles before hurrying toward the kitchen.
...
A little while later, dish after dish begins arriving at your table until the entire surface is covered.
The waiter avoids eye contact as he sets down the plates
“Enjoy your meal,” he says quietly before retreating.
At a nearby table, a group of men downing beers have been watching you for several minutes.
“Talk about pigging out.”
“No wonder she's the size she is.”
“Disgusting.”
They're speaking just loudly enough for you to hear.
You stare down at the food spread across your table.
Your appetite disappears as a knot starts to form in your stomach.
“Hey. I didn't know you came here.” A familiar voice says.
You look up and find yourself staring into a pair of crystal-blue eyes.
Xavier.
A colleague from another department.
You don't see him often, but you've always thought he was cute.
He offers you a warm smile. “Are you here alone?”
You nod.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
You shake your head.
Xavier removes his coat and takes the seat opposite you.
Panic flickers through you as his gaze drifts across the crowded table.
You brace yourself for the same judgment.
Instead, Xavier raises a hand and calls over the waiter.
“I'd like to order everything she ordered,” Xavier says calmly. “And add an extra portion of meat to each dish.”
The waiter's eyes nearly pop out of his head.
You stare at Xavier in disbelief.
He simply smiles.
“I'm glad to know you're a foodie too.”
His tone is completely genuine.
No judgment.
No mockery.
“Let's eat before it gets cold.”
Smiling back, you pick up your chopsticks.
——————————————————————
ZAYNE (word count : 407)
Today's been a good day.
You feel satisfied. Accomplished.
So, you decide to treat yourself.
A small bell rings overhead as you push open the door to a bakery. The scent of freshly baked pastries fills the air, making your mouth water.
Making your way to the counter, you smile as you admire the selection of cakes, pastries, and cookies displayed neatly behind the glass.
“Hello. What can I get for you?” the waitress asks.
“I'm not sure,” you admit. “Everything looks delicious.”
She nods. “Want my opinion?”
“Yes, please,” you say brightly.
“Given your size, I think you should lay off the sugar.”
The words hit you like a slap.
You had expected recommendations. Perhaps the bakery's bestsellers.
Not an insult.
“Trust me, girl. I'm doing you a favor.” She shrugs. “Nobody likes an overweight woman.”
Your cheeks burn with humiliation.
“I'll just take a latte,” you mumble.
“Good choice.” She smiles, but there's nothing kind about it. “I'll hold the sugar.”
You turn away and retreat to the furthest table in the corner of the bakery.
A moment later, a cup is placed in front of you with a soft clink.
You don't look up or offer a thank you.
A single tear slips down your cheek.
Then you hear another sound.
A plate being set on the table.
An assortment of pastries now sits beside your coffee.
“I didn't order these,” you say.
The man standing in front of the table. He's handsome, dressed in a tailored suit, with dark hair and striking green eyes framed by glasses.
“I ordered them for you.”
Seeing your confusion, he continues.
“I was standing behind you in line. I heard what the waitress said.”
Your cheeks immediately flush again from embarrassment.
“Her comments were rude and completely unprofessional. No one should be telling others what they can or can't eat unless there's a legitimate medical reason.”
“Like being obese?” you mutter bitterly.
“As a doctor, I can assure you that you're neither overweight nor obese.”
“In fact,” he continues, “I'd say your curves are in all the right places.”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and the tips of his ears turn pink.
This time, you find yourself blushing at the compliment.
“Thank you for the pastries,” you say with a smile. “Would you care to share them with me, Mr...?”
“Zayne.”
The man finally introduces himself before taking the seat opposite you.
——————————————————————
RAFAYEL (word count : 421)
The sand is warm beneath your bare feet as you walk along the shoreline. The sun hangs high in the sky, waves crash peacefully against the rocks, and the ocean breeze is just right.
You bask in the warmth with a smile on your lips, grateful to finally have a day off.
Every now and then, you bend down when a flash of color or a glimmer catches your eye.
The small woven basket slung over your shoulder gradually fills with seashells.
Just as you crouch down to inspect another one, a long shadow falls over you, blocking out the sun.
“Do you have no sense of decency?!” An angry female voice sounds above you.
You rise to your feet.
Three women stand before you, each thinner than the last, their expressions twisted with disapproval.
“I'm sorry?” you ask, confused.
“Showing off like that,” one of them scoffs, gesturing toward your body.
You glance down and quickly check the straps of your bikini, wondering if something has come loose.
“Ever heard of a diet?” another woman sneers. “Who's supposed to look at all those rolls?”
And just like that, you understand.
Before you can think of a response, the women turn and walk away.
You hurriedly untie the sarong from your waist and wrap it around yourself instead.
Then a sudden gust of wind sweeps in from the ocean.
Your straw hat is lifted off your head.
You reach for it instinctively.
But someone else catches it first.
The man standing before you is breathtaking.
Waves of violet hair frame his face, and his eyes shimmer beneath the sunlight in shades of blue, pink, and purple.
He places the hat back on your head.
“Did you know that in Ancient Greece,” he begins casually, “the ideal female figure depicted in classical sculptures and paintings was often curvaceous? Rounded hips, and fuller figures were considered symbols of beauty.”
You blink.
The statement is so unexpected that you don't know how to respond.
He continues, “Don't let those walking skeletons get to you. They're just jealous they don't have the body of a goddess.”
You stare at him.
“Trust me,” he says, “As the famous artist Rafayel, I know what I'm talking about.”
A brief silence follows.
Then he lifts an open sketchbook.
“Now,” he says, flashing you a dazzling smile, “would you mind taking the sarong off so I can finish my masterpiece?”
The open sketchbook page displays a half-finished drawing.
Of you.
Standing on the beach, collecting seashells beneath the sun.
——————————————————————
SYLUS (word count : 523 )
You approach the hostess stand.
“Hello. I have a reservation.”
The hostess confirms your name before leading you through the restaurant to a table for two.
Once you're seated, a waitress appears with a polite smile.
"”Can I get you something to drink?”
"”Just a glass of prosecco for now,” you reply. “I'm waiting for someone.”
The waitress nods and heads off.
Left alone, you glance around the elegant restaurant.
Soft music drifts through the air. Candlelight flickers across polished glass and silverware.
You reach for your phone and check the time.
A colleague had set you up on this blind date - a friend of a friend of a friend who just so happened to be single.
You had tried your best to refuse.
The idea of meeting a complete stranger made you uncomfortable.
But after enough persuasion, you'd reluctantly agreed.
And now, here you were.
You absentmindedly fiddle with the cutlery, trying to calm your nerves.
Minutes pass.
Your glass of prosecco is already half-empty when the waitress finally returns, escorting a man toward your table.
You immediately assume he's your date.
As he approaches, you rise to your feet and offer a polite smile.
Stepping out from behind your chair, you hesitate.
Should you shake his hand?
Offer a hug?
Perhaps a kiss on the cheek?
Before you can decide, the man speaks.
“I'm sorry. I can't do this.”
At first, you assume he's nervous.
Maybe blind dates aren't his thing.
But then he continues. “I have no interest in larger women.”
He places emphasis on the word larger.
Without a shred of shame, he turns and walks away.
Just like that.
You remain standing in the middle of the crowded restaurant.
You can feel the stares.
Hear the whispers.
Slowly, you sink back down into your chair.
Honestly, being stood up would have hurt less.
Even a last-minute cancellation would have been kinder than being publicly humiliated.
You pick up your glass and drain the remaining prosecco in a single gulp.
The moment you set it down, the chair opposite you is suddenly occupied.
You hadn't even noticed anyone approaching.
Despite his white hair, the man appears young - late twenties, perhaps.
His features are sharp and striking.
Broad shoulders stretch beneath an impeccably tailored suit.
His physique looks as though it had been sculpted from marble.
For a moment, you're too stunned to do anything but stare.
A physique that looks as though it had been sculpted from marble.
Two crimson-red eyes regard you with quiet amusement.
For a brief moment, you could swear the right glows.
With a snap of his fingers, the waitress who had seated you immediately appears.
“Two glasses of your finest red wine,” the man says. “And one of everything on today's specials menu.”
His voice is deep and effortlessly commanding.
“Right away, Mr. Sylus.”
There is a noticeable hint of nervousness in her voice before she quickly disappears.
He leans back in his chair and studies you openly.
“That man was a fool,” Sylus says, a dangerous smirk tugging at his lips. “Passing up something as delicious as you should be considered a crime.”
——————————————————————
CALEB (word count : 484)
You step out of the crowded elevator and make your way across the hall, past reception, and finally into the late afternoon air.
The skyscraper that houses your office looms behind you as you join the rush-hour crowd spilling into the streets. The city is loud and alive - people everywhere, traffic stretched in endless lines on both sides.
You take a deep breath, shrugging your blazer off your shoulders as you walk.
You barely make it a few steps before you hear a sharp crack.
Your body lurches forward, but you quickly regain your balance.
Frowning, you glance down.
One of your heels has snapped clean in half.
You groan.
Balancing awkwardly on one foot, you try to remove the broken shoe without dropping your handbag or blazer, all while avoiding bumping into passersby.
People brush past you, casting glances in your direction.
You don’t expect help, but a little less staring wouldn’t hurt.
“That's what you get when an elephant wears stilettos. I feel sorry for the shoes,” a woman says loudly as she walks by with her friend.
The friend snicker.
Your gaze sharpens as it follows them.
With a frustrated sigh, you bend down again, only for a strong arm to slip around your waist from behind.
Turning your head slightly, you find yourself looking up at a man with violet eyes and an easy, almost lazy smile.
“Need a hand?” he asks. “You can use me for balance.”
After a brief hesitation, you accept, shifting so you can hold onto his arm.
You try very hard not to notice just how solid his forearm feels beneath your fingers.
With his support, you manage to slip off both heels.
Now barefoot in the middle of the busy street, you exhale.
You glance at the broken shoe in your hand.
Yeah. There’s no saving it.
“I don’t suppose you have a spare pair in your handbag?” the man jokes.
“Afraid not,” you sigh.
“Now what?” he asks.
“My car’s parked nearby,” you reply. “I’ll risk the walk.”
You don’t love the idea of walking barefoot on dirty, hot concrete, but you don’t exactly have options.
You offer him a small, polite smile.
“Thank you for your help. Have a nice day.”
Turning away, you barely manage to take one step before you're suddenly lifted off the ground.
You let out a startled sound.
“Where’s your car?” The man asks, adjusting you effortlessly in his arms.
“Please put me down,” you protest with a whine. “I’m heavy.”
“Not for me,” he replies simply.
You look up at him.
There’s no strain in his expression. No sign he’s struggling at all - as if you weigh nothing.
Your grip tightens slightly around him, seeking balance, his warmth seeping through you from where he carries you.
You point down the street, and he responds with a boyish grin, already striding forward.
will we maybe....witness fem rafayel made by your mighty hands someday.....no pressure to do anything i'm just wondering if you thought about it because your fem versions are elite
fishie too beautiful, can't choose between bob cut and long hair
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