Dazai Kinnie

Call me Zai✧ // my masterlist

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Hello, hello~

I am just making an announcement that since I haven't been very active, I'm going to keep this account for mostly interactions.

Requests are still welcome! I just won't be actively posting any writings as frequent as I used to in the past.

I appreciate every single one of my followers. Feel free to leave messages in my inbox~ (〃´ω`〃)

[bsd-bibliophile]

It seems you’re not satisfied unless you always make yourself the protagonist in some tragedy.

Dazai Osamu, A New Hamlet

[bsd-bibliophile]

Unable to suppress such reactions of annoyance, I escaped. I escaped, but it gave me no pleasure: I decided to kill myself.

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

[bsd-bibliophile]

When I pretended to be precocious, people started the rumor that I was precocious. When I acted like an idler, rumor had it I was an idler. When I pretended I couldn’t write a novel, people said I couldn’t write. When I acted like a liar, they called me a liar. When I acted like a rich man, they started the rumor I was rich. When I feigned indifference, they classed me as the indifferent type. But when I inadvertently groaned because I was really in pain, they started the rumor that I was faking suffering. The world is out of joint.

Dazai Osamu, The Setting Sun

[bsd-bibliophile]

I smiled in my weakness.

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

[sweet-cynical-writer]

zaiii!! it's been so so long; i hope you're doing well🥺💖i miss the little interactions we had with each other, especially the ones about dazai aaa🥰 they were so wholesome and fun!! take good care of yourself, stay hydrated!! i'll always be around hehe <33

Mitra hi!!! I'm doing alright.

Life is boring but also busy so that's an interesting mix.

( ；∀；)

I'm staying hydrated with whiskey!

( =＾ω＾)

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Oh that's great! Hey I mean it may be stressful but looks to me like you're doing pretty great so far! :) omg working out... I keep telling myself I'll start working out or do some sport or heck! Even walking but I'm like THE biggest procrastinator :'D

I'm planning to do a psych major and business minor but since college won't start until July I took up an internship to keep me busy, today was my first day actually! :D

(also I really suck at replying so I'm so sorry for sending this so late, I can't promise it won't happen again HDJSK)

That's okay I really suck at replying too!

(^-^;

Especially since I don't really come here to write too often anymore.

I hope your first day went well!

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Yess I've been pretty good this past year and omg I'm going to college in a few months, I have wayyy too much free time until then so I've been trying keep myself busy mostly loll

How have you been doing??

Staying busy at work and I've been taking up time to workout 3 times a week.

Honestly it's been pretty stressful.

But hey, I'm doing my best out here (　ﾟ 3ﾟ)

Oooh, college! Sounds exciting ; What will you be studying?

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Hello Zai!! Not sure if you remember me but you were probably one of the first mutuals/people I interacted with over here :D I've been off this site for a while too, just got back and thought I'd say hi lol

Anddd if you don't remember me hellooo theree how are you friend?

Tris!!! How could I forget you?!

It certainly has been FOREVER. ( ＞Д＜；)

It's good to hear from you!

I hope all is well! (*´･ω･)

[sweet-cynical-writer]

"Today I suffered but I did not do it in vain.

Because I found an angel, a dear friend that doesn't look at me for my sins.

But someone that looks at me as an imperfectly perfect human."

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Hi Zai!!!! ✨️🥺 I hope you're doing well! And welcome back! Sending lots of love your way~ My flower for you would be Sunflower 🌻 🧡💙💛

Hiya Starrie (*≧∀≦*) it's good to hear from you! I'm doing pretty good lately. I hope you're doing good as well~ (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

Sending love in return (´ω｀*)

"Name a time when you remained positive through a dark time in your life."

I wouldn't know which time to name. But I'll just say this, when I lost someone who was supposed to be my best friend, I remained positive that there was someone else out there who was waiting for me.

I technically wasn't wrong, I did find a new best friend who even understands me better than she ever will.

I'm glad I kept myself open. Even though it hurt a lot to be rejected by someone I knew for over a decade.. still! Everything worked out in the end. (^з^)-☆

Flower Ask Game

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Hi love 💕 I've been following you since you first started out. I'm so glad you're back! And I'm so happy that you'll keep this account open. I know I'm not the only one who wants to keep reading your lovely works 😍🥰 Anywho! My flower I would like to ask you is Peony! 💖

Hello beautiful! Thank you so much for sticking with me for so long! It's much appreciated ( ´∀`)

"Tell me about the first time you felt true romance."

It was definitely when I started my first real relationship. My girlfriend at the time always gave me handmade gifts. Not only that, she would write me poems as well.

To this day, as my wife, she writes me songs and it's the cutest thing EVER.

But yes, the way she would put her whole heart into making something for me was the most romantic thing I've ever felt.

Flower Ask Game

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Relating to your ask post, Chrysanthemum! (I genuinely wanna know)

"What does loyalty mean to you?"

To me, loyalty has been pretty cut and dry. I'm here for you. You're here for me.

You can be shitty. You can make mistakes. It happens. But when I need you most, be there. Because I'll do the same.

I suppose I never saw it any other way because I've had people just leave because I made a mistake or they made a mistake. Sometimes, even time kills loyalty.

I've lost a lot of people to stupid things. But time is a big one. I cherish those who stick around and check in once in a while.

To this day, I still have a few mutuals I talk to daily or every other day! (*￣∇￣*)

Flower Ask Game

[sweet-cynical-writer]

FLOWER ASK GAME!

I got bored and decided to make this little ask game! (ФωФ) It's been forever since I did one of these. (;＞_＜;) Please don't be shy & send some asks!!! I'm dying over here.

(￣ヘ￣メ) - Zai

1. Deep Rose Pink - "Tell me about a time you were grateful."

2. Burgundy Rose - "What or who are you devoted to and why?"

3. Black Rose - "What do you miss the most that you lost?"

4. Orange Lily - "What are you proud of?"

5. Red Lily - "Is there something you're passionate about?"

6. Sunflower - "Name a time when you remained positive during a dark time in your life."

7. Chrysanthemum - "What does loyalty mean to you?"

8. Orchid - "Have you ever felt unique or extraordinary in someone else's eyes?"

9. Daisy - "Tell me about your favorite childhood memory."

10. Lavender - "Ask me how I healed from a hardship."

11. Carnation - "When have you felt appreciated?"

12. Daffodil - "What flower best represents your journey through life so far?"

13. Violet - "What flower represents your current emotional state?"

14. Peony - "Tell me about the first time you felt true romance."

15. Hydrangea - "Ask me about a connection I have with someone that holds many layers."

16. Amaryllis - "Tell me about a time you overcame self-doubt."

17. Azalea - "Do you have anything you never pursued because of fear or lack of support?"

18. Wisteria - "If you could live in one memory, which would it be and why?"

19. Gardenia - "Which flower(s) represents your inner child?"

20. Magnolia - "What flower represents your deepest fear?"

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Author's note: Evening! Well, at least it's evening for me. (；ω；) I couldn't stop thinking about this, so I decided to just scribble it down, and now I will just post it here to rot for the rest of its days.

Word count: 642

Definitely angst. Just a soft one?

No warnings are worth mentioning, really.

It was cold and wet when he found you. You honestly didn't know how you survived, but you were thankful when you were saved by such a warm smile. That smile was warm enough to bring you back to life after years of being cold and cynical. 

There wasn't much to say in the beginning when he took you in. You didn't have a place to call home so he said you can call him home. It was confusing and baffling how someone you barely knew could be so inviting and generous. 

He never pressured you to work. You spent most of your days lying on the couch that you slept on. Soft music playing that filled the quiet living room. 

“🎶Heart to Heart🎶”

The song was stuck on repeat from the memory of the day you first met him. You thought that if you kept listening to that song you'd be frozen in time of that very day. 

That's it. There wasn't much to it. Day by day, night by night, the same thing. The same song. Sometimes you'd pick through his bookshelf. Yes, he owned a bookshelf. It shocked you since he didn't strike you as a bookworm. Until you realized they were all books of suicide or methods of killing yourself. Some contained light novels or even poetry. 

There was one in particular that you always went back to read. You couldn't get enough of it. “The Setting Sun.”

It brought you back to that dark place before you were found. The way you watched the sun set while leaning over the railing of a bridge. Such a quiet and peaceful evening that was. The crickets chirping, the stars creeping out from the darkened skies. 

You hardly realized that you had dozed off on the couch with the book resting on your chest halfway opened. As you opened your eyes, you blinked away some tears. 

What was this sudden feeling of sadness? Dread? Loss? You say on the word, “Loss.” Something was missing, or rather, someone was missing.

Rolling off the couch, you walked around and saw trickles of blood on the flooring. It was only a few, then it became several, until you saw it trailed up the staircase. Heart racing, you went up the stairs slowly.

For whatever reason, your body wasn't moving faster. Almost as if it knew something that your mind didn't. You followed the trail to the bathroom. The door was cracked open. Your heart thumping loudly as you pushed the door to see absolutely nothing. 

There was a second of relief until you looked down the hallway and the trail of blood continued towards the bedroom. His bedroom. 

This time the door was shut. When you reached out to turn the knob it was locked and wouldn't budge. Now you definitely know what was going on.

But you had to see for yourself. You needed that confirmation. Even if it hurt you. Taking out a lock pick, you carefully picked the lock and the door clicked. 

Your blood turned to ice when you entered the room. Why was it so cold? Taking just a few steps you walked over to his bed. He was covered in his blanket as if he were sleeping. But there was a lack of his body rising. 

Reaching out, you pulled the blanket back. 

And that's all you remembered when you woke up in bed. Your heart was heavy as you slowly sat up and looked around. You didn't understand, you were in his bed, in his room, but you didn't see him or hear him anywhere. 

You rolled out of bed to search the home. Everything was where it was left. Untouched. 

Until you found a letter in the book, “The Setting Sun.” It was a small paper that was cut in half. 

“Take care of yourself.” 

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Author's Notes: Hello!! I am here to just post this little drabble I wrote while just listening to music and letting my mood take control of the keyboard. It's been SO LONG! So forgive me if it's not up to par with my late works. (；ω；)

Word count: 824.

Genre: Started out as a Fluff, but now it's an Angst. ( ￣▽￣)

Trigger Warnings: Mild blood, slight gore, hinted kidnapping, I guess.

ON THE RUN - Port Mafia Dazai Osamu

“Hey. Hey, I think I know who you are.”

His voice was easily overtaken by the pitter patter of rain. A steady rainfall coming down just enough to make puddles. Enough to drown out someone's voice from afar. He continued to speak while taking small strides— the last thing he wanted was to frighten you. 

You walk aimlessly. Your steps are lazy and lack direction. Something weighed heavy on your mind. It wasn't a good day, you reminded yourself while you stepped deep into a puddle of water harshly. Your shoes are soaked.

“Wait! W-wai—” 

He stopped. A sudden wall was in his way of catching up to you. 

“How irritating..” 

His first instinct was to slowly pull out his gun. That alone would send people screaming and running. But not them. And when he loaded his gun and took his aim with one hand, something stopped him. His blood suddenly turned to ice. His dark brown eyes slightly widened. 

“You haven't changed. You said you would leave this place.” 

He scowled at the man before him. Someone who he once had called a partner. His friend. 

“Shut up. It doesn't concern you whether or not I decided to leave.”

The man smiled painfully. His eyes held sorrow and pity on the man he so often viewed as a damaged child.

“I told you it didn't matter in the end… to be good. Why.. did you go back on your word?”

A warning shot was fired just past his ear. His face hot, cheek stinging in pain from such a small, superficial wound.

“I made my decision. You're in my way. I suggest moving aside.”

“It's not too late.” 

He held both arms up with open palms facing Dazai. 

There was another gunshot. Just one. Then the only sound that remained was the light drizzle of rain hitting the pavement. 

“Bullshit. I was damned before you even met me.” 

He pressed on. A heavy weight now on his back as he picked up the pace to catch up once more. There you were. Waiting at a bus stop that was clearly long out of service for the night.

“Finally.. there you are.”

He caught his breath and gave a weak smile before it quickly faded to dismay. 

You held onto both crutches tightly through the rain making it troublesome. Your left leg in a boot that was soaked from the rain. Left wrist bandaged and you had two stitches above your left eyebrow.

“..What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

It wasn't out of fear. Not anger. It was a concern. Worried. You noticed blood on him but you knew better than to think he got injured. 

“Who—”

“No one.”

He quickly cut you off. It didn't matter how many times you asked anyway. Dazai hardly ever told you who he got involved with let alone who he killed.

His hand reached out to cup your cheek. Cold rough hands caressed you and oddly enough it was warmer than the sun. But his eyes were cruel, bloodthirsty. Searching for something, someone to blame for your current state.

“It was—”

“I know. Don't say another word. I don't want to ruin the moment.”

You both went quiet. And as he continued to stroke your cheeks, you couldn't help but feel at peace. The deadliest man alive was right in front of you, and you didn't flinch whatsoever. 

He towered over you, his face leaned in to hover above your shoulder as he spoke in a low voice.

“No one can stop me. You know that already. It doesn't matter who or how many.”

Dazai exhaled heavily. This was clearly something he had been waiting for a long time to say. His breath is warm and tickling your ear. 

“ This game of cat and mouse is over. I won. I always win. And now, I'm going to claim what's rightfully mine.”

You swallowed hard. It was bound to happen. The inevitable. How stupid you were to think you could beat Dazai. You should've seen it from a mile away when he gave you such a big head start. But you tried to take him for a fool.

“The best way to trick a fool is to let the fool think he's tricking you.”

He said with snark, grinning. Dazai pushed you to sit down on the bench. It didn't take much to make you fall. Your heart was racing but you refused to break your poker face.

“You don't react like the others. That's interesting.” 

Dazai reached out to pull up strands of your hair, letting it fall through his fingers, strand by strand. Like playing with a doll. 

All you could do was watch as a small smile formed when he played with your hair. 

“It's too bad you're in such bad condition. But, I suppose it's a good change of pace. I've hardly had the chance to keep one alive before.”

[starswallowingsea]

[yokelish]

@sweet-cynical-writer

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Only if you plan on finishing the bottle~