Do you think that Mana loved Allen?
Friend, I hope you know that I got this notification while out and I nearly choked. THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU COULD HAVE EVER ASKED ME!!!!!!!! I DONT…. I DONT WANT TO ANSWER……
But I will. Because suffering™ is my Brand.
I hope and I pray that Mana did love Allen.
I actually started a poll here on twitter and surprisingly there are quite a few people who think Mana doesn’t love Allen. For good reason, I think.
We all know that to Mana, Allen was a dog. He replaced the animal that accompanied Mana in his travels and performances. He became the new clown. He followed Mana everywhere he went, he was loyal, he was faithful, and he loved Mana singlemindedly.
Even now this is true. Allen upholds Mana’s principles and manners and still walks in the direction Mana pointed him down. Allen carries the guilt of killing Mana a second time and he’s never absolved himself of it. For all intents and purposes, the “Allen” we know has lived only because Mana was there.
This makes Mana sound like a terrible person, doesn’t it?
And yet, how could Mana have loved Allen when he himself wasn’t wholly there? Cross said it himself, when Allen asks this question, that Mana was lost. Who knew what he thought or saw or heard. Mana thought he was 17 and looking for his lost brother.
This is the Mana that Neah loved. This is the Mana who existed before the Earl, the Mana that Neah fervently protected. This is the Mana who loved Neah before Adam destroyed him. A seventeen year old always running, always clowning around and making others smile and laugh. This is the Mana that Neah and Road and Cross knew.
My answer to if Mana ever loved Allen (and it’s loved, not love, because the Mana now doesn’t) is that no. I don’t think he did. I don’t think he was really capable of it. He never saw Allen, he never saw that seven to ten year old boy (we still don’t know Allen’s actual age). Mana saw a dog, and maybe he loved “Allen” like he loved that dog, but in the end it was barely the boy himself he saw.
Worse yet, was he always “Allen” to Mana? This is played around with a lot in fic and art, but that dream Allen has where Mana calls him “〇〇〇” is accepted by Allen as ‘normal.’ He playfully, even with exasperation, insists that’s not his name. How many times has Mana called Allen this?
(I’m not even going to start on how Allen treasures Mana and his smile so much that a post-apocalyptic dream of him being crucified turns into a good dream god Allen why are you like this—)
Mana loved "〇〇〇,“ not Allen, and this is a stark distinction that Cross and Allen recognize. This is semantics, really, because Mana did love him. Whoever, whatever, but Mana loved him I think.
But when you’re the person behind the mask, there’s a difference between being loved for who you perform and being loved for who you are.
The worst thing about this, I think, is that Allen will still accept it. Because Allen loves Mana with all of his heart.
And I think somewhere deep inside, Allen knows who the Earl is. Cross told him as much himself. “What would you do if I told you you’ll have to kill someone you love?”
