i am nothing without pretend

autumn hills || 19 || schizophrenia & self harm || intake: march 29, 2014 || patient protective || enchanting || passionate self destructive || withdrawn || stubborn

[shadesof-gwen-deactivated201410]

I think that’s a bit harsh dear, don’t you? 

[sweetautumnhills]

No, I don't think it's harsh at all. At least in prison there's classes and things. 

[damien-lane-blog]

Ah, right. You’re the one with the persuasive boyfriend. 

This place has me forgetting conversations I’ve already had with people. I swear to god I’ve “met” the same patients over and over again, like some kind of goddamn Groundhog Day loop.

[sweetautumnhills]

That's me. 

Maybe they're just not that interesting or memorable. Not your fault. 

[damien-lane-blog]

So then how’d you get cooped up in here?

[sweetautumnhills]

[She holds up her wrist, showing the scar.] They think I tried to kill myself.

[damien-lane-blog]

Never really thought about it. I’m not sure I’d want to.

[sweetautumnhills]

But the world is so beautiful outside. There's so much to see. 

[damien-lane-blog]

Hah, I was raised in them and I’ll probably die in one too.

[sweetautumnhills]

You don't think you'll get out?

[damien-lane-blog]

No way. I get weirded out by open spaces. Is there such a thing as, like, reverse claustrophobia? If there is, then I probably have it because I’m used to places like this. Group homes and stuff, y’know?

[sweetautumnhills]

I mean, there must be a name for it, right? There's a name for everything. Probably like... space-phobia. Field-phobia. 

Have you been to lotsa' places like this?

[damien-lane-blog]

The attic’s a little stuffy for my taste, and getting up to the damn thing is a bitch—but, yeah. It’s cool, I guess.

[sweetautumnhills]

Lemme guess... you prefer wiiiide open spaces? 

[damien-lane-blog]

That’s the consensus around here… "There’s always the gardens."

[sweetautumnhills]

The gardens feel like they're overcompensating for how shitty it is in here. The attic is cool, though.

[sweetautumnhills]

There is nothing I miss more than being able to poke my head out the windows, I swear this place is like a prison. 

[srslylacey-deactivated20160721]

Thirt— pardon me?

[sweetautumnhills]

Be quiet. 

[srslylacey-deactivated20160721]

One, thirteen, nine, eleven, seven, four, three, one, two, one, thirteen… 

[sweetautumnhills]

Be quiet. 

[zomb3boy]

I’m Vittorio, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. And this is the part where I ask what your name is?

[sweetautumnhills]

Autumn. What are you in for? Addiction... to tattoo ink? 

[sweetautumnhills]

What a boring place.

[rose--bridgeman-blog1]

Varies patient to patient.

Some kill guards, others cause riots or sleep with everyone. Some refuse to eat anything, ever. Some attack staff. Vaires.

[sweetautumnhills]

Kill guards? That sounds like a trip. Can we do that?

[zomb3boy]

Yeah, I thought so too.

[sweetautumnhills]

What's your name? 

[sweetautumnhills]

What a boring place.

[rose--bridgeman-blog1]

We wait until they think we’re being good to be bad.

[sweetautumnhills]

What constitutes "bad" around here? 

[zomb3boy]

I just found a stale piece of gum on the floor and I think this is literally the best thing that’s happened to me in like a month. Is that sad?

[sweetautumnhills]

Yes. It is.

[sweetautumnhills]

What a boring place.

[alex-norgaard]

Oh you know dumb shit. They diagnosed me with PTSD, ADD and apparently I like drugs a bit too much. *smiles slightly*

And what is a nice girl like you doing here?

[sweetautumnhills]

The only people who don't like drugs are the people who have never tried them. 

[She raises her wrists to show bandages where she had cut them.] The doctors thought I was trying to kill myself. I wasn't, though.