some things are better left unsaid

I am Song Hyeji, 23 years old, a Song heiress. I don't remember my past. That is from the time Miyoung unnie got married to Taesun oppa. So many things have changed. Could you help me remember my missing years? The Present: Engaged to Yang Jiho  

[sweethyeji]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Dunno if someone else checks this place out but this is my home group for years!! So yeah. Happy New Year!!

[honeeyeon]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴғιᴅᴀɴᴛᴇ | ℋyeji & ℋeeyeon

If there was a certain moment that they had not seen her with eyes puffed and sagging, perhaps this day was the first. If it was those people who had no knowledge about her, they would mistake her sudden vigor as her first step to recovery. But physical attributes can be very deceiving. Heeyeon might look like a renewed person but no, she isn’t. Inside is still a broken psyche.

The nurses were very lenient and perhaps very complacent. There wasn’t any sort of grand change within her, except the fact that when she woke up, all that she remembered was that she just fell asleep prior, and nothing more. They knew she wasn’t aware of her outburst the night before and how the doctor had made his decision to put her under electroconvulsive therapy as his last resort. She was unaware of it all and though momentary, they’d actually like to see her in her peaceful state. Make her relish that kind of calm. Generously enough, her doctor had allowed her an hour on the garden, hoping that she’d appreciate the simplest beauty of waking up on such a sunny day, breathing and living.

Heeyeon looked very presentable, perhaps the most decent state she has ever been since she entered the center. The buttons of her night dress were properly placed, her hair tied in a neat ponytail, and a pair of baby blue slippers adorned her small feet. She was sitting at the bench located at the farthest side of the garden, near the lined trees and away from the crowd. It was an automatic move of her feet to choose that place, for reasons she did not bother thinking anymore. She was given an hour to herself, an hour to be outside, and an hour alone. For once, she was grateful for it.

Did she like the tranquility she’s immersed in right now? She could not say yes, yet couldn’t say no either. Not that she couldn’t decide which but to be honest, she couldn’t care less. She felt numb, and it is not from the dull headache that she had and is still having from the moment she woke up. Her eyes roamed around the vibrant colors of the green field and the small little flowers budding from the plants, and she still felt blank. She closed her eyes. She feels empty.

People think that they could hide this fact but they were wrong. Heeyeon felt that small change in her, she was sure with the look of the nurses and of the other patients. She knew something happened and she realized she had no memory of it, of at least from yesterday when she had sneaked pen and paper from the doctor’s office. She could’ve tried to remember but her mind was too tired to even think about it. All she wanted was to savor the quiet moment, the emptiness and the numbness all to herself. It has been a good 30 minutes of her own time, her own space. But one dared to invade her borrowed time.

“Aishhh.”

Along with the soft thud of a body dumping itself on the vacant space of her bench was a familiar voice that had ultimately cracked the veil that had kept her from falling back to her dark memories.

What is she doing here?

[sweethyeji]

Missing years worth time of your life is like losing a hand - for an artist, it’d mean the whole world as what had once made him complete has now given him a disease that would last for a lifetime. So when her psychologist told her that there is a possibility that her lost memories could be retained, that is if those memories were voluntarily forgotten by her own mind, she’s decided to take any chance they can do just to have all of it back. The doctor had warned her of course. There must be a reason why she had forgotten them but was she ready to dig into those? Even if it meant that having her valued memories could also mean regretting them in the end?

“I’ll still choose to have them back.”

Every session time, her doctor would ask her the same question. To be honest, this morning she thought hard about it. She almost wanted to recline after Jiho nagged about her unsatisfaction. He told her that she was making it seem like she wanys everything in the world. Hyeji had a hard time conversing with him this morning. He was never the impatient one but he was suddenly showing her otherwise. And now Song Hyeji had nothing to tell her doctor but of her view to this morning’s disagreement with Jiho.

“I can’t see his significance in my life. My own life. Hyeji’s life– without my parents’ and siblings’ life.” She heaved out a deep sigh as she stretched her leg up the sofa. “I don’t –" … think that he loves me. Instead of continuing her statement, Hyeji fought her doubts by sitting up. “I think I wanna go now.”

The truth is thinking hard about things, reflecting on them makes her tired these days. She could go on about all the little thoughts that were bothering her mind yet she knew that at the end of the day, it’d be the same thoughts that she’d think about.

Ending her session, she wandered around the sanctuary, looking at her confused kinds - she’s luckier than them, wasn’t she? At least her actions make sense unlike them… unlike the woman who was blankly staring unto space. Hyeji landed her eyes to where the woman was looking but she only got disappointed when she found nothing interesting. So she asked her, “What are you looking at?”

[sweethyeji]

I Know Who You Are

She heaved out a deep sigh before entering the newly renowned club at downtown Gangnam. Song Hyeji had never been this nervous, not for a long time as she could recount. She had been coming back down the place for how many nights in search of answers, things that could help her remember about her past. And just a month ago, during that one night Jiho had ditched her for the first time, she found an uncertain nudge to go somewhere where she could not be found. Hence finding out about the place. It was a bitter night - her being frustrated at how everyone around her was acting alright yet she knew; she was finding out about her family's secret. Of how Song Haerin, her supposedly cousin, was actually her sister, a child born out of their father's mistakes in the past (though she couldn't really blame her, she was just a child, just like how she was - it was totally their parents' generation's fault but the reason why that must be hidden for long, that she must find out), of how many times Jirin had almost gave up on their family, of how Miyoung, her sister who knew so much, so much about her, couldn't tell her what her past 3 years was made of. There were so many questions in her mind that remained unanswered yet nobody was willing to help her understand. And it was on this bitter night that she met the man who might have the answers from the questions of a clueless Song. Kwon Jinsu, a performer, apparently one of the members of the high society - she did her research alright. And when he told her he knew so much about her, that is after a few, or rather a number of rounds with the alcohol, she knew he was telling the truth. Yet no matter how much she asked him to tell her everything, he'd recline and tell her she was wasting her time. He convinced her about how they should never see each other again, telling her how he's the man she must be with the least. But how could naive Hyeji resist when he's the only one who gave her an idea about who or what she might be during the lost years of her life? She stepped in the club, hands inside the pocket of her denim, the place wasn't as hot as it ought to since it was still too early. But it was favorable for her, especially tonight that she was ready to confront Kwon Jinsu. She went to the bar, a smile plastered on her face as the bartender greeted her with a warm look. "The usual?" "Of course. Ah no, actually, can you put in more cinnamon on my vanilla milktea? I need the spice." "That's better than you getting drunk. Imagine how Jinsu goes out of character everytime you are--" Why? "Where is he by the way? Hiding again?" Hyeji kept her cool, leaning her head on one arm as she waited for the lad to get her order. She hoped he'd come soon. It was going to be a long night, she bet. "So you do know he's running away from you. Miss Song, I think you're reaching your limit. We don't want to lose a talent." "Come on," Hyeji laughed it off. "I'll pay you double. Or triple. Don't tell him I'm here tonight." Song Hyeji was using her famous charms and it was working. The bartender smirked, taking Hyeji's more than enough payment of cash. Sadly, people aren't so decent anymore. But she wondered how different she was from everyone where here she was, giving a bait, and taking a bait based on her own presumptions. After what seemed like gazillion of years, the person she'd been waiting for finally came. Though he looked at her with irritation and tiredness drawn to his face, Hyeji countered by cheerfully saying hi. "I've been waiting for you..." she desperately welcomed him. And though he only nodded, as if only acknowledging her existence, Hyeji kept on. "Kwon Jinsu-- or shall I call you dragon." It wasn't a permission. It was a statement that she knew would mean a lot to him. And she wasn't mistaken when Jinsu stopped from his tracks and finally chose to divert his attention on her. "What? Are you surprised?" She patiently waited for his response but he stood there, looking through her. Hyeji knew there's a conversation going on inside that head of his. And as she pushed more buttons, that's when she knew she finally striked something out of him "I know who you are. You're not just any normal person. Y-you're different than the others I've met in the past. You were never out of my circle. You forced yourself into my world, Jinsu." Hyeji knuckled up her fists. It's time. "You kidnapped me before, didn't you? But why?" And as she waited for his answer, different scenarios played in her mind. Now she was gonna find out what Jinsu's significance in her life was all about.

[fatfatties]

Thai Tea with Boba

[tomomuto-deactivated20160713]

[sweethyeji]

Song Hyeji was a dancer.

I saw these pictures on my desk when I woke up this morning. I don't know who left them but I suppose it was omma who did it. Well, I've always imagined myself as a dancer. Maybe this was taken during high school as Jirin unnie would tell me that I take after her creativeness at dancing. Such a wonderful feeling to find out something about my past. What else can I do before? Maybe I can sing too, yeah? Yeah.

[sweethyeji]

Maybe it's time to forget about what we once had together. Maybe forever wasn't meant to be forever, love.

[sweethyeji]

080114 - Song Miyoung's Little Surprise

I'm so happy that my plan worked out two days ago! How did we came up with the mermaid theme? Well Park Suji likes mermaids these days and though I'm not sure if unnie likes mermaids, I thought maybe she likes what her daughter would like too. This vacant room in the house became so cute after 4 hours of fixing with my fiance and cousin. Thank you so much, Jiho and Haerin unnie (or shall I call you Haerinnie now that we're getting close?). Come on, be close friends now and hug each other! 

Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ETERNAL ROYAL PRINCESS IN THE HOUSE OF LILIES, SONG MIYOUNG! I love you so much, unnie! :)

[jadedchaos]

What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You | HaeJi

[jadedchaos]

"I guess…" Haerin let her voice drift off into guilty silence, chopping more intently at the baby carrots to make up for the lack of explanation that she had to give to Hyeji. What does the girl want to hear? "I wasn’t around as much then as I am now…" And this was partially true. She’d pretty much moved in with Sanghyun whenever he was in the country then, earning herself the sympathy card since Hyeji wasn’t at all discreet about her hatred for her even at home. Using the word ‘home’ to describe this place is no longer as detestable as it had used to be, and she wonders why.

"I don’t think you remember this but I had a lot of practice…" The kitchen had been her favourite place to hangout ever since she began life in this house… it still was. Hyeji didn’t bother stepping into the kitchen on most days, only once in a blue moon when she was curious. Those instances didn’t go too well, serving herself reason as to avoid stepping in, and that encouraged Haerin’s entitlement. Haerin would sometimes think that it was a place where things went wrong for Song Hyeji ㅡ cooking experiments, attempts at being the girlfriend she had probably fantasized about with suspicious homemade lunchboxes, and Haerin herself.  ”The last time you tried to cook instant macaroni you almost took the whole kitchen down with you… I don’t think you remember this either. But seriously, I think even Suji works the pots better,” she chuckled, but the smile on her face disappeared with the words of the younger. “You don’t sound very excited yourself, Hyeji… Engagement.. and eventually getting married, it’s a.. big thing for girls.. Are you sure… about this?” She realised she didn’t even have to ask when she looked up to meet the younger’s sad eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

[sweethyeji]

"Is there something wrong?" It was a question that she need not bother herself with. People seem to be doing things for her. She didn't want to admit it but was she always this useless? How surprising though that she was able to almost burn down the kitchen. "I... cook meals?" A surprised look came upon Hyeji's face and for some time, she felt genuinely happy. What else does she not know about herself? 

At that, Nanny Lin, who seemed to age along with the many years that she had forgotten, came and took Suji for meal time. Ironically, when Hyeji first saw the lady who really stuck by the Songs and saw the growth of each heiresses, she was really surprised at how she looked the same but a bit different. This time around, the creases on her forehead were evidence of the many years she had served the household. She was glad though of seeing the woman still around. "Thank you, Nanny Lin," she told her while she took Suji in her arms. Now, Hyeji and Haerin could really talk. She willfully took the high chair to herself and sat comfortably, her left leg tucked beneath her hanging right leg. "Haerin unnie, something's change, isn't it? I mean..." How to even put to words what isn't concrete? She may have lost her memory but intuitions don't just die. "Like... My room.. It really feels empty. Do I always listen to classical songs? Haven't I received any love letters too in the past? Because... isn't that typical in high school? Was I hated by people? My e-mails... My blog.. Where are the entries from the last years? I..." She paused, bitterly smiling at the things she could have missed and all these thoughts were all coming out at once. How much has she really missed? She couldn't help but be frustrated that a tear escaped her eye unintentionally. "I wasn't left with any clue of who I was for the past years.... I'm not even sure if I really am in love of Jiho..."

[jihoswifeu]

[sweethyeji]

Yang Jiho who's tired from work and dozed off while I go get ready for dinner. And it's not even night time. Poor babe. :( Let's cheer him up! 

[uyuro]

how to: 「イリュージョン いちご標本ゼリー」

[jadedchaos]

What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You | HaeJi

[jadedchaos]

“He has been visiting a lot lately, hasn’t he," She asked, vaguely recalling the few encounters that she had with Yang Jiho in the Song mansion, never exchanging more than polite nods. The voice that called out to Song Hyeji was always bright and full of hope, and she remembers that her mother once said in a drunken stupor that you should never trust a man who calls you anything but your name. She used to roll her eyes at Kwon Jinsu whenever he referred to Song Hyeji as his pretty little butterfly. And perhaps that was all that she could ever be in this life. Their eloping stunt had nearly caused the Song family to lose two lifes - Song Jinyoung nearly had a heart attack when he found his youngest daughter yet again on the hospital bed after running away from home, silver ring tainted with dry blood stains taut on her fourth finger and her partner lying as motionlessly in the neighbouring ward. Haerin had been careful to keep her friendship with Jinsu discreet in front of the Songs, but she didn’t have to do that for long, the empty bed came as a surprise to the nurses and doctors but not to her. She could find him if she wanted to, if she had to, but a pat on the back and a companion to drink with wouldn’t fix him. Who was she to tell him otherwise if he felt it was best for him to leave Song Hyeji as if what they had never happened before? She would be putting her stand in the household at stake if she just as much as showed support to their underground relationship, but she of all people knew exactly how it feels to be last to know. “Don’t look at me, I’m no fun to watch…" She met with Song Hyeji’s empty eyes and felt a sting in her chest. It wasn’t just her memory that she had lost with the car accident.

“Is Jiho-ssi treating you well..? How are the engagement preparations going?" She felt a strange need to fill up the awkward silence, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t care about Song Hyeji. She missed the girl who stuck around her when she was at her worst, and god knows how much she wished she didn’t have to inflict any sort of pain at all to the person she almost thought was her best friend, a sister that she never had till now, but the truth was set in stone and she needed to keep her place here. To be a little more worthy of Sanghyun, to avenge herself; she owed it to Song Hyeji and she would help her remember what she had lost, that is if she wanted to.

[sweethyeji]

"Hm, wasn't he visiting me often before the operation?" she always wondered if Yang Jiho had always been the way that he is today. She remembered him being a nag when they were just kids. He was a bully but when it comes to her, he'd always sweet talk her. Their parents would always match them together on events. Did she liked it? Were they always involved romantically? But it was too long ago to remember how she feels about him. Her feelings for him was always vague. Along with the memories, did she lost her feelings too? 

Hyeji placed the toddler at the top of the counter to rest her numbed arms. "Aigoo, don't be so full of yourself, unnie-yah," she strangely laughed at the thought. Why can't she remember a single thing about Song Haerin? Yet, she was always the one beside her these days. On top of that, she never felt like a stranger around her. Ah, maybe because she was a Song too. "But tell me if I can help you with anything, arasso?" She stared blankly at the lady moving about the kitchen, feeling herself getting restless by the minute. There were a lot to ask but where would she start? So it was a relief when Haerin probed into her engagement details. "Miyoung unnie worries about it more than me. Honestly, she's got all the details ready. We're really just waiting for the right time when all of us could gather. Rather than the engagement, the gift of life should be celebrated too, ne?" Hyeji grabbed a banana by the side so she could keep Suji busy by herself. "I don't think Jiho worries about it a lot too. Hehe.. I mean, if he isn't here for me, he's out of the country for business. There's just too little time for us to spend together. I miss him during those days... I think." Her face drew into a sad one. "Haerin unnie... can I be honest with you?"

[sweethyeji]

Cooking with Suji and Haerin unnie ^^

[sweethyeji]

Song Jirin

Will you be home by December? Tell me, unnie! 

[jadedchaos]

What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You | HaeJi

[jadedchaos]

“I’d rather you help me out by staying just where you are lest…" Haerin let her voice drift out as she realised that she might be saying unnecessarily too much. It was funny how it actually appeared as a good sign that Hyeji didn’t reject mac and cheese, as if it was a form of reassurance that a part of the old Hyeji was still around. The feeling of ease was short-lived though, there was no way that the two of them could be conversing as peacefully as they are right now had Hyeji remembered the turn of events. Haerin drew the curtains open with the help of Suji’s small tugs on the cloth, bringing her hand up to lend shelter to the little girl, her own eyes slightly squinting in adjustment to the influx of brightness. "I… hope you don’t mind letting some sun in," She wasn’t exactly told much about Hyeji’s current condition - it was awkward for her to ask, being viewed as the victim of the youngest Song’s rebellious episode that tarnished the family’s name. Some natural light and warmth should do her good though. "Keep an eye on Suji alright," she said as she sat the little one down on the couch beside her, bringing them apple juice, Hyeji’s in a mug and Suji’s in her baby tumbler needless to say, before turning on her heels to start on lunch. 

“Are you going to have any guests coming to the mansion today?" She meant no other but Yang Jiho, who according to the housekeepers has been visiting rather frequently. "I can prepare some soup for tea break.”

[sweethyeji]

Hyeji eyed the older, nodding at the reminder, when really, it isn't that necessary anymore. She had been staying in one place at a time at all times, it wouldn't hurt to move around. Her previous condition still gives her the frequent headaches but Hyeji had learned how to live with it. Right management is the only solution and if she continues being the good lady that she is, as what Miyoung would tell her, she'd be really well in no time. And this includes not trying to remember her past, something that is really hard for her to do. Her eyes narrowed at the sudden intrusion of the sunlight in the area, covering part of her eyes with her right hand. She saw Suji do the same and that brought a smile on her face. 

"Jiho will come but not until dinner time," she told her, suddenly wincing at the thought of his name. Now there's something odd between the two. Haerin seems to be indifferent everytime the subject of their engagement party is turned up. This was something that she always liked to ask her, along with questions such as why she wasn't so close with the rest. If she had been living at the mansion with them for some time, then shouldn't have she adjusted with everything already? Hyeji lifted Suji into her arms and followed Haerin out of the area, lleaving the television on. "Suji and I will watch Haerin unnie then, ne?" she told the infant who responded with a giggle.

[sweethyeji]

So apparently, I have a photoblog? Wow! Hello everyone! Song Hyeji is back. I am so alive! And to celebrate my comeback, here's a snapshot of my engagement ring. Always had it, even when I woke up. Let's talk weddings soon, shall we? 

Okay, late for my skype session with Jiho. See you next time, everyone!

[jadedchaos]

What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You | HaeJi

A sigh escaped through her lips as she hit the send button and indulged in the relief of finishing the last assignment that she had before the study break for finals began. Had it been two years ago, it would have been hard to imagine herself losing count of the hours, rushing to meet deadlines and going through the hustle of being a college student, which actually turned out less dreadful than expected. She wondered if Sanghyun had it all planned out, coaxing her into enrolling for university was just part of the big plan to inject normality into the life that he thought she deserved. She herself, on the other hand, wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him; it would take a fool to believe that he isn’t being sincere, but as much as she is comfortable with the current state of their almost long distance relationship, what with Sanghyun regularly flying in and out of the country, a part of her wonders if she had mistaken his intentions altogether.

She noticed a pair of doe-like eyes watching her through the reflection and broke out of her trance, putting on a gentle smile as she turned around and got up from her seat to walk towards the youngest of the triplets that had been left in her care today. Except she had more than one to babysit today. She didn’t have the luxury of time to deal with the absurdity of Song Haeji going from hero to zero overnight; in fact, it was the first time in months that the two of them were left alone together ever since the younger had exposed her illegitimate identity on national television. Sanghyun had whipped her off to a getaway the day after and it all happened in a whirl - Haeji had barely scraped through the tumour operation and had her memory wiped off in exchange for a second life. She doesn’t remember Haerin - Lee or Song, neither. But Haerin is skeptical. Her steps were slow and steady with the additional weight in her arms that smelled like milk and lavender, and she watched the girl who now laid back on the sofa and had her eyes fixed onto the sitcom being broadcasted.

“Suji wants mac and cheese for lunch, what about you?”

[sweethyeji]

These days, all she could feel was the beating of her heart. Was she happy? Sad? To say that this second life was given to her without a cause was a total lie. Living this life, knowing that she missed almost half of her life... was it better that she died instead of this? "You were really happy, campaigning with father in his businesses, and we were attending cooking classes too. Though I stayed at the palace for some time, we never really felt like we're apart. Most of all, Jiho really motivated you to study hard and so you did...." Everything sounded like a lie. She has no proofs though, her life was slated clean for the past 5 years. Waking up from the long sleep, it did felt like she was living on second identity rather than living the life that she always had. 

The sound of the television waved all over the place, filling her ears so the beating could subside. The korean shows were quite different these days. Her days were usually spent like this -- at home, either watching, cooking, surfing the net. She has a private tutor to keep her up with what she had missed in Korea while she's gone. A voice, Haerin's voice, protruded the familiar, and she was carrying one of her sister's child. "Oh hey--" Something about the girl that made her feel at comfortable at her own home. Maybe they were close before? But she didn't want to assume since she rarely talk to her. "I'll have the same, same as what this cute babe wants," she told her, standing up from the comforts of her seat. "Hey, I could help you with the cooking if you like.. Haerin." 

[sweethyeji]

i’m here! I’ve been.. typing.. it’s taking longer than last time ;_; but i’m getting it out… the song mansion is coming back to my head slowly… :>

just changed my description~ :)) okay, let's do this. :D