southsidedrcamer:
nothing he spoke was for pity – nor for any intricate purpose, merely from the thoughts that entered his psyche. reminding him that he was barely human now && certainly could not call himself a man. a piece of the male species – perhaps – but not a man. swallowing he heard two syllables she strung together to make one sad standalone statement. less a statement && more a declaration of the last bit of hope leaving his system. even though he was perfectly gazing into her eyes he was absolutely not finding an ounce of comfort. his skin felt numb && cold. his heart was dried up – broken && unclean. his skin shuddered with the first touch of her fingers, however it was not a conscious movement that was made in rejection of her touch. he simply did not realize that he as safe now. even though it was obvious that there was just the two of them, he was still attempting to compartmentalize everything that happened && reassure his stressed out mind that it could not come to pass again – for now. settling into her touch after several seconds of heavy breathing, he lifted his hand to smooth over her own && feel the first loving touch he had known since they were taken. what they had experienced was akin to torture && he took that into account. ❝ i do – i want to die !! ❞ repeating the sentiment he was barely whispering. as though he feared shattering the air between them. && he did. ❝ loving me now – betty, i know you can’t. ❞ it was said as a statement because no part of him even remotely believed that she could. not when his own heart had been hardened to stone when thinking about himself. && she might have been his perfect betty – but he had been stripped of his pride in front of her && now he could never gain that back. she was meant to be protected by him && he could not even protect himself && that was the ultimate humiliation.
Despite the lock of eye contact they established, there was a coldness, a lack of warmth she was receiving from him. He might’ve been looking at her but he wasn’t really looking at her, not like he used to. There’s a feeling of mild rejection that creeps in at knowing that truth. Although she’s certain there are multiple reasons, she feels it’s partially because of what he saw, what he saw them do to her. Defilement, ruining the perfect girl next door, breaking her down to bones. She can’t help but think that. Because who would want a used girlfriend? Beaten down, mind and body, sullied. She wouldn’t blame him if that was the case but they had done similar things to her and her feelings hadn’t tilted for him. Shakes away the thought, she can’t start down that path despite it being inevitable for her to stray to. A shudder of his skin ripples, extending the thoughts and she’s doing her best to shove it all away but oh God it’s so hard.
Almost about to take her hand away, retract and curl away from him, he begins settling to her touch, breath heavy and then his hand meets hers. A subtle reassurance of her presence. Hand is shaking under his, unsteady while still remaining the loving comfort she holds for him. “ I know. “ And it’s whispered so softly because she feels the exact same way, she wants it all to end. “ I can, I do still love you Jug. Nothing I saw... Nothing that happened changes how I feel about you. “ He has to know that, she loves him. She knows he believes it, believes that it wasn’t possible anymore, however, it was. “ Believe me Juggie. “ Uses his nickname as if it’ll make him see it, make him trust her honest word.











