ˈiːnəˌmɛl

a fandomless oc written by dad

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

i miss this bastard hecc

[ask-meme-addicts]

Youtube comments ask meme

“I’m going to kill each and every one of your waifus, and not in a sexy way you’d probably enjoy.”

“This man looks like science.”

“I hate when I stab people and they still retain control of their nervous system. It is a problem I struggle with daily.“

“Your mom’s dildo has arrived.”

“If this animal asked me to kill someone I would, no questions asked.”

“Please do not tear your flesh from your body. That is inadvisable.”

“Why were they laughing in English?”

“What if my opponent has arms… what do I do then?”

“Chick-Fil-A is getting pretty graphic with their commercials.”

“Your Dollar Tree law degree has no power here, you stupid fuck.”

“Just stick to your fucking waifu.”

“Why isn’t the sun the most dangerous place on earth?”

“I wonder how much EXP you’d get for slaying that thing.”

“Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. Otherwise you might rip your dick off.”

“If you guys came here for pee jokes… urine luck.”

“4000 children die everyday because… you keep writing on their fucking food.”

“So glad I’m an octopus.”

“I looked at the sun… and it was all yellow… now I’m fucking blind.”

“Finally. I can make myself a girlfriend.”

“This will be helpful when I fight Aquaman, thanks.”

“Bro… grow a bigger head… please.”

“Ah crap, now I have to find someone to marry.”

“Kids, they blow up so fast.”

“You destroyed the English language in one sentence.”

[youthkept-blog]

Brooklyn Nine-nine Sentence starters; Gina Edition Pt 1.

“The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts. So I’m incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.”

“ So you choose your dad over me, your co-worker who hates you? “

“ Every time you talk I hear that sound that plays when Pacman dies. “

“ Honestly, I’m going to last forever. You hear that bitches? I’m gonna last forever. “

” This man is a Timberlake and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone. “

“ All men are at least 30% attracted to me. “

“ My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. “

“ I feel like I’m the Paris of people. “

“Turns out I gave up easy. You hear that bitches? I gave up so easy.”

“ Of course I do. I told you, it was my birth right, you bitches. “

“ Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye. “

“ Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes. “

“ Click. I just captured the exact moment you realized you had failed. I guess we all got something out of this. “

“ Yeah, he let me choose the music on the way over here, which leads me to believe he’s given up on life. “

“ What? I hang out in the men’s room all the time. The acoustics are amazing. “

“ After zero consideration, I’m happy to say, “hard pass.“ 

“ If I die, turn my Tweets into a book! “

“ Yes. I’m the Nostradamus of your shame. “

“ Do you have cholera? Is it typhoid? Are you a vampire? My horoscope said to wear a cowl neck today and I laughed! “

“ Who says papa? Are you a little French boy? “

“ What are you creeps doing? You made me look away from my phone. You better pray I didn’t miss a text. “

“ The only reason I didn’t tell you is I don’t value you as people, so why be honest? “

“ It’s crazy how much he flirts with me. “

“ It is bad. I only said “kiddo” to soften the blow, kiddo. “

“ Hey, superstar. Why the long fart? Ooh, I meant face. Why the long face? “

“ Our friendship is little-boy holding little-girl’s hand. “

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

❝ loving something unconditionally doesn’t mean you love it more. it just means you love it sadder. ❞

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

well... that was easier than he had anticipated. given how swiftly he managed to take down that first barrier, he opts to start attacking the second and slides onto the stool beside her. ❝ what would you like? ❞ she looks surprised, though aleister doesn’t know why. she’s certainly not ugly, not by any stretch of the imagination; she must get offers like this every time she goes out. a smile curves his lips and he leans his elbows against the bar, turning his head to the side to watch the stranger.

cont. from × with @notremembered

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

DIEDFCRLOVE

His mouth almost involuntarily formed a pout as he kept his arms crossed. “I gues-guess-guess it wouldn’t be hard-hard-hard to love you…” He realized what he had said and flushed. “I mean nevermind!”

well. that was unexpected, though not unbidden. in fact, it was just about the exact thing he was after. the tension seizing his shoulders waned just as quickly as it had been created. ❝ oh, stop. you’ll make me blush. ❞ there was the urge to pinch his pink little cheeks, hands only rooted in place by the fear that contact would be pushing too far. as much as he hated to admit it, aleister was a sucker for cute.

[killerkalashnikov-deactivated20]

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

damn daddy back that ass up

❝ b e g o n e , t h o t. ❞

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

DIEDFCRLOVE

Alex smiles widely at the last part, amused no doubt. His arms crossed and he seemed more amused than anything. “Not-not-not everyone can love you, it’s just-jus-just how it works.” He’s half talking from experience. Maybe if his parents had liked him more he wouldn’t be so sensitive and easy to make cry or flinch away when someone tries to touch him. 

alright, that was pretty fucking cute. it would be better if the principle that aleister based his life around wasn’t being challenged, but he knew it was all in fun. this guy had no way of knowing just how vital it was to his survival that everyone adored him. so, rather than allowing defensiveness to swell up as it threatened, he shrugged it all away. this said, his posture quickly closed off, arms crossing tightly over his chest. ❝ trust me, it’s very much possible. ❞

[brokenboys]

[pghgraffiti]

Be gay Do crimes

[winterwarlock]

[alannasroleplaymemes-moved]

Realistic Halloween Starters

“– He gave me a toothbrush. Let’s egg his house.” “Didn’t even try to decorate the house, huh.” “If you wear that ‘this is my costume’ t-shirt, I swear to god…” “Ew, I hate this flavor. Trade?” “Stop crying, it was just some dude wrapped in toilet paper!” “Wow, you sure put too much effort into this holiday.’ “They didn’t have any more candy so I asked for weed.” “DON’T GIVE KIDS ALCOHOLIC CANDY!” “Every time I sit down more kids show up at the door. I hate Halloween.” “Whoops, no more candy. Sorry. Bye.” “How cute. You look like you raided a dumpster!” “THAT COSTUME IS CULTURALLY INSENSITIVE!” “Apparently she’s dressed as a witch, but I don’t really see the difference…” “Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” “I don’t think you should be having that much sugar…” “If you weren’t diabetic before, I’m pretty sure you are now…” “Bobbing for apples is gross. Every kid got spit in there.” “This house isn’t sca–AHHH!” “Kind of makes me wish something interesting would happen. Like murder.” “NO. NO OUIJA BOARDS!” “We’re going to a graveyard? What are you, thirteen?” “I’ve seen scarier Hot Topic cashiers.” “This isn’t right. Where are the slutty male costumes?!” “This party sucks. I’d rather be out getting free candy with first-graders.” “Yeah, because I definitely want to get arrested for trespassing tonight.” “You wasted all the toilet paper on the first house, there’s nothing left!” “Okay, so just hit the door bell and then run!” “It’s just a couple of broken eggs, it’s not going to damage the car!” “No way. People who have sex at parties die on Halloween. That’s just movie logic.”

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

only ever call aleister “alice” if you wanna get punched in the crotch

[angelwithoutyou7-deactivated201]

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

he cradled patience, allowing the other to work through the word on his own time. he’d need to remind himself to maintain this same patience when in a less pleasant mood. ❝ au contraire, they can, and they will. you underestimate me. ❞ a million lies, a million faux personas he’d cultivated since he was young. he wouldn’t allow them to fail now. if everyone didn’t adore him, what was the point? ❝ i’m hurt, honestly. ❞ the lopped grin he wore falsified any supposed honesty.

cont. from × with @diedfcrlove

[sweetnessandstrength-blog]

                                                      indie semi selective fandomless oc written by dad