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@sword-assistant
TMA RP BLOG (unreality)
Hello, I am Jasper Shellen (60), Archival assistant to @gerry-the-archivist and former librarian at The Magnus Institute, london.
I am a fan of musical theatre, having performed many times throughout my life; though admittedly I don't have time for it anymore, working within the archives and all.
OOC UNDER CUT:
Fun Fact: The Archivist microwaves his tea :::)
…
@gerry-the-archivist Gerry what the fuck
wait no that’s probably the wrong archivist-
what in the fu—
yeah no thats. different archivist i’d rather have desolation tea for fucks sake
Gerard if this is true I'm quiting
it’s a different archivist! i swear on my favorite jacket that i warm my tea up in a kettle like a civilized person
I think you mean you warm the water up Gerard. Because if you are putting whole teabags into the office kettle– that we all use, by the way –I am personally going to request that me and Martin hold a tea-brewing seminar to teach you how to do this.
Fun Fact: The Archivist microwaves his tea :::)
…
@gerry-the-archivist Gerry what the fuck
wait no that’s probably the wrong archivist-
what in the fu—
yeah no thats. different archivist i’d rather have desolation tea for fucks sake
Gerard if this is true I'm quiting
[One day in the break room, sasha runs into a large older man brewing a cup of tea. The two havent really talked, but the Archives are small enough for her to know him as Jasper. He seems to focused on the kettle to notice her walk in.]
@sword-assistant))
@cam-eye-intern )))
Excuse me — Jasper, right? — sorry, mind if I grab a mug?
[Sasha gestures to the cabinet by Jasper’s head, which would no doubt hit him in the head if she tried to open it.]
Oh? Ah, of course young lady... was it Sasha?
[He takes a step out of the way, sliding the kettle alongside him. He looks very, very tired as he pours the scalding water into his mug, brewing a cup of black tea.]
Yes, thanks.
[she pulls out a mint-green cup and tries to tamp down her irritation.]
Doing alright?
As well as I can. Gerard has assigned me enough work to suffocate me and it all goes nowhere. Sometimes I wonder how this place still gets funding with cases like these. How about yourself?
[He sips from his tea, forgetting to remove the teabag first.]
[One day in the break room, sasha runs into a large older man brewing a cup of tea. The two havent really talked, but the Archives are small enough for her to know him as Jasper. He seems to focused on the kettle to notice her walk in.]
@sword-assistant))
@cam-eye-intern )))
Excuse me — Jasper, right? — sorry, mind if I grab a mug?
[Sasha gestures to the cabinet by Jasper’s head, which would no doubt hit him in the head if she tried to open it.]
Oh? Ah, of course young lady... was it Sasha?
[He takes a step out of the way, sliding the kettle alongside him. He looks very, very tired as he pours the scalding water into his mug, brewing a cup of black tea.]
we do NAWHT talk enough about how gerry fist fought diego molina in a denny’s parking lot and WON literally nobody is doing it like him
Gerard did WHAT NOW
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
ohhhhh yeah that makes sense
kinda stupid! then again is makes sense
from his point of view, at least. who’s betting sasha’s gonna get worm flat’d?
i’m going for jon, he’s too stupid not to realize he’d die
both of them have like. 0 self preservation instincts, it’s honestly just a race
this is gonna go so badly
Excuse me, how do you know so much about my coworkers and then not know who the Archivist is? Also why are you betting on who in the office DIES?
how do you know that being worm flat’d would result in death?
multiversal travel keep up
gerry would hate being archivist i get this damn
Right. Since I get the feeling that you kids aren't going to leave any time soon, may I show you around? You seem like you're the sort of children who'd enjoy a good sword- may I show you my antique sword?
yeah, why not.
:0 sword
they let you have a sword???
Gerard doesn't like it, but he can't stop me from keeping it. Look here.
[Jasper reaches behind his desk to reveal an intricately detailed sword made of some sort of steel- or possibly just iron. Either way, it seems as if the sword is a slaughter artifact.]
[the kids all stare at the sword. andrew seems particularly drawn to it.]
oh, no wonder. that’s… hm.
that’s… yeah, damn, that’s very slaughter.
mhm…
don’t steal it.
aw
you have your palette knife. make a sword.
whatever
I don't think I've ever heard slaughter used as an adjective before, but "go off" as the kids say. Tim also says that, I suppose.
I got it in Russia long before you lot were born, actually. Lovely thing, isn't it?
oh! old sword
tim would say that
russia, hm… any chance this is related to a circus, or…?
A circus? God no, I hate those things. Never was one for clowns and the like, you see. Any good performer wouldn't feel the need to hide so much behind makeup.
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
ohhhhh yeah that makes sense
kinda stupid! then again is makes sense
from his point of view, at least. who’s betting sasha’s gonna get worm flat’d?
i’m going for jon, he’s too stupid not to realize he’d die
both of them have like. 0 self preservation instincts, it’s honestly just a race
this is gonna go so badly
Excuse me, how do you know so much about my coworkers and then not know who the Archivist is? Also why are you betting on who in the office DIES?
how do you know that being worm flat’d would result in death?
multiversal travel keep up
gerry would hate being archivist i get this damn
Right. Since I get the feeling that you kids aren't going to leave any time soon, may I show you around? You seem like you're the sort of children who'd enjoy a good sword- may I show you my antique sword?
yeah, why not.
:0 sword
they let you have a sword???
Gerard doesn't like it, but he can't stop me from keeping it. Look here.
[Jasper reaches behind his desk to reveal an intricately detailed sword made of some sort of steel- or possibly just iron. Either way, it seems as if the sword is a slaughter artifact.]
[the kids all stare at the sword. andrew seems particularly drawn to it.]
oh, no wonder. that’s… hm.
that’s… yeah, damn, that’s very slaughter.
mhm…
don’t steal it.
aw
you have your palette knife. make a sword.
whatever
I don't think I've ever heard slaughter used as an adjective before, but "go off" as the kids say. Tim also says that, I suppose.
I got it in Russia long before you lot were born, actually. Lovely thing, isn't it?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
ohhhhh yeah that makes sense
kinda stupid! then again is makes sense
from his point of view, at least. who’s betting sasha’s gonna get worm flat’d?
i’m going for jon, he’s too stupid not to realize he’d die
both of them have like. 0 self preservation instincts, it’s honestly just a race
this is gonna go so badly
Excuse me, how do you know so much about my coworkers and then not know who the Archivist is? Also why are you betting on who in the office DIES?
how do you know that being worm flat’d would result in death?
multiversal travel keep up
gerry would hate being archivist i get this damn
Right. Since I get the feeling that you kids aren't going to leave any time soon, may I show you around? You seem like you're the sort of children who'd enjoy a good sword- may I show you my antique sword?
yeah, why not.
:0 sword
they let you have a sword???
Gerard doesn't like it, but he can't stop me from keeping it. Look here.
[Jasper reaches behind his desk to reveal an intricately detailed sword made of some sort of steel- or possibly just iron. Either way, it seems as if the sword is a slaughter artifact.]
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
ohhhhh yeah that makes sense
kinda stupid! then again is makes sense
from his point of view, at least. who’s betting sasha’s gonna get worm flat’d?
i’m going for jon, he’s too stupid not to realize he’d die
both of them have like. 0 self preservation instincts, it’s honestly just a race
this is gonna go so badly
Excuse me, how do you know so much about my coworkers and then not know who the Archivist is? Also why are you betting on who in the office DIES?
how do you know that being worm flat’d would result in death?
multiversal travel keep up
gerry would hate being archivist i get this damn
Right. Since I get the feeling that you kids aren't going to leave any time soon, may I show you around? You seem like you're the sort of children who'd enjoy a good sword- may I show you my antique sword?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
ohhhhh yeah that makes sense
kinda stupid! then again is makes sense
from his point of view, at least. who’s betting sasha’s gonna get worm flat’d?
i’m going for jon, he’s too stupid not to realize he’d die
both of them have like. 0 self preservation instincts, it’s honestly just a race
this is gonna go so badly
Excuse me, how do you know so much about my coworkers and then not know who the Archivist is? Also why are you betting on who in the office DIES?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
gerard?
waiiiiit holy shit it’s the gerry archivist people
oh, hm. always wondered about this— being the archivist never seemed his style. thank you, by the way.
The Gerry archivist... apologies, but what exactly are you talking about? I mean he does stay in his office all day reading fake stories while dumping faker ones onto us- but i don't think we have much of a better choice. Apart from Sasha maybe.
Sorry, why are you so interested in the inner workings of the Institute?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
nnnnnope!
we’re here to fuck around!
and find out. and also take your files.
rowan!
what?
Language young lady! And, honestly? I am willing to turn a blind eye if you want some files. God knows Gerard doesn't check, nor do they go anywhere notable.
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
[they all stare at each other as of in on something he isn’t. which they probably are.]
no reason at all!
i don’t even know what i’d put in a mural
i mean… bees?
eat shit
[rowan laughs a bit.]
anyway— no reason, no. don’t mind us.
or the files!
Right, I feel as though I am having a joke played on me- May I ask what you are doing? If you're here to make a statement I can point you to our archivist?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
uhhhh
sure buddy
maybe, maybe not. either way, i’d rather not add you to the list.
The what- nevermind. Why are you kids interested in my job? I'd doubt that an Archival job would be particularly interesting to the youth of London. Shouldn't you be out... spraypainting murals and skateboarding outside the National Theatre?
old!!! ass!!! MAN!!!!
why do i feel like you’re an eliaskisser
ignore them. hi, i’m rowan— those are andrew and bee. how’s the job going?
- andrew, bee, rowan / @a-thousand-little-things
...one moment did you just say that I look like someone who wants to kiss my boss? Is he not younger than me?
I dueled a wasp with my katana for 45 minutes and i lost
