Swype Left

A collection of disastrous dating one-liners and wonders.

[thatpolychick]

I woke up this morning….to an unsolicited dick pic in my submit box. Not enough coffee in the world for that shit. Dudes, no one wants to see that!

[swypeleft]

I’m sorry. My sympathies. :-( That annoys the hell out of me when it happens.

My usual reply when I get those (thanks largely to my job): “I work in the operating room. Every Friday my day is full of urology cases. Do you realize how many dicks I see on a daily or weekly basis? Do I want to see another? Absolutely NOT.

Yours is not different. It’s not prettier or bigger or better than the rest. It’s not going to make me reverse my stance on receiving pics.”

I once broke up with a guy for asking if he could send me a dick pic, while I was at work. Lol

[swypeleft]

This is a legitimate reason to be mad in my book. 😂

[swypeleft]

*SMH*

[40yodater]

18-year-old kids be like 'age is just a number baby id rock ur world ;)' and i'm like 'more like i'd rock you to sleep and put you down for a nap-nap in your crib after a nice warm bottle of milk, kiddo' (except not because then they'd make a sexual joke about it, but :/)

LOL! I think I have spoken to the 18 year old that would have gotten his rocks off to this! 😂😂😂😂

[swypeleft]

Eighteen year olds just make me laugh. Their most common argument seems to be "I'm experienced," to which I laugh in their cute wittle faces and give them their pacifier as I decimate them the way only a mature woman could. Using sarcasm they don't understand.

[swypeleft]

[swypeleft]

Anxiety sucks. Feelings suck. I’m having bouts of both right now.

I was in a wonderful and loving poly relationship with a man for almost a year when life circumstances caused us to realize that our relationship wasn’t viable for the long term… Mostly due to cultural differences. It has been a hellacious few months of trying to remain friends, even seeing each other occasionally, and falling right back into our same comfortable patterns… Right back into love. Because the love hasn’t ever gone away. I love him deeply, but he has to be able to move on and make the right choices for himself.

Regardless of any of that, I’m hurting a lot lately. Despite being in a new relationship with a good guy (whom I haven’t shared a whole lot about this prior situation), I can’t forget my feelings for my ex.

I still worry about him, have dreams about him, miss the way he cuddled, the way he used to pick me up, the way he kissed me… The feel of his silky hair and soft skin…The sound of him calling me by his nickname for me. We had so many wonderful times together. And we parted ways amicably and in love. I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings any more.

[magicpolygon]

For all the women who have struggled with online dating, particularly on OkCupid, due to moronic fuckboys… Here’s the perfect game for you to play while checking your inbox!

OkCupid Fuckboy Bingo!

And yes, this was created by a man. Not sure if that’s important, but yes, I’m a guy. And I too hate fuckboys. So yay! =P

[nokay-stupid]

@fedupwithcupid @40yodater @fuckboyfiles @okcupidisanightmare @duskonokc

[40yodater]

❤️❤️❤️ you know I’ll figure out how to incorporate wine in this game!

[thatpolychick]

So accurate! LOL

[swypeleft]

This douchebag… 46 (4 years older than my range) and 250 effing miles away when my profile says 30 miles. Yes… I was a bit acerbic, but I am sick of people who think they should be an exception to whatever I clearly state. I wish I could have reported him.

He’s clearly so butt hurt he feels the need to yap like a Chihuahua before he tucks his tail and runs away.

Honestly… Yep. I would have said that to his face. I have said as much to men who hit on me who are clearly not my type and/or can’t take no for an answer when I am out with my friends.

[swypeleft]

Yes... There are some desperate souls who try to use online Chess games as a dating app. My friend screenshot pages of desperate pleading from this guy.

[swypeleft]

[swypeleft]

Staaaaaahp

[swypeleft]

Yes. I absolutely want to go on a date with this fine specimen.

[swypeleft]

Nothing like a family photo for your tinder profile.

[swypeleft]

Yep. This is a first.

[swypeleft]

Poor little entitled thing. All he can do is hurl vaguely offending barbs that have no basis in reality.

[swypeleft]

Poor butthurt little boy. Almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

[swypeleft]

Making the dating world better... One person at a time.