The Whyte Wyrm was always crowded, but it was particularly stifling tonight. There were so many people in the bar that it was hard to breathe air that wasn’t tainted with cigarette smoke, body odor, or spilled beer. Still, Jughead was happy. He was seated at the bar with a high vantage point of all that was happening in what the Southside Serpents deemed their headquarters. The occasion for this raucous party? F.P. turning a year older. Jughead knew that his dad cared about as much for birthdays as his son did, but he also never turned down a reason to drink. F.P. Jones was the center of attention in a crowd around him as he held his beer bottle high in the air and fed off their energy, a slightly manic look in his eyes to toasting to another year his liver survived him. Jughead sometimes wondered what his dad had been like in high school - he had found a Bulldogs letterman jacket shoved underneath some boxes in a closet one day and trying to picture F.P. as some jock who ran up and down a field after a tiny ball was usually hard but..tonight, watching him participate in an actual kegger chugging contest, Jughead could see he was watching the path F.P. shouldn’t have taken.
Normally, this sight would’ve been hard for Jughead to swallow. Normally, he wouldn’t have even come. There was no want to subject himself to the visual of why Jughead’s childhood had been so fucked up as he had seen it many times through the years of his life. This year was different, though. This year..she was in his life. Betty had heard of F.P.’s party and had been excited, and then disappointed when Jughead claimed he wasn’t going. Betty had this ability to see the best in everybody and she was wholly convinced that Jughead just had to stick it out through F.P.’s struggle, so certain he would find his way again all because he had a son who loved him and wanted him to get better. With the stars in her eyes and the pureness of heart she gave him as she told this to him, Jughead didn’t want to tell her that F.P. had been promising Jughead he’d get better for him all his life and that he had only a smidge of faith left in him. A smidge that Betty reawakened with her sweet voice and warm squeeze to his hand. He’d do this for her, for him, for them, and maybe he’d actually enjoy himself. It was also another way for Betty to get to know his friends, she reminded him. Jughead tried to keep his girlfriend as far away from his less than legal part of his life as much as possible but it was still a part of him and she wanted to know all of him. So there she was, in the middle of a conversation with Veronica and Fangs and Archie, all four of them laughing at something he didn’t know about but the sight of it made Jughead smile regardless.
“Jughead.” A voice broke the observant teen out of his thoughts and he turned around to face Toni. There was a surly look on her face and all warning bells went off in his mind that he was face to face with a moody woman and he needed to get the hell out of dodge. Especially when it was a moody Serpent woman. He liked Toni, he cared about Toni, he respected Toni but..he wasn’t sure if he could handle her tough as nails attitude tonight and her need to bring everybody down around her when she wasn’t feeling well. She liked to spread her mood as if it made her feel better to infect others and Jughead wanted to stay in his happy bubble tonight. Despite all this, his moral side won out and he knew he’d feel bad if he had ignored a friend in pain. He cleared his throat and pushed away his glass of soda. “Yeah, T. What’s up?”
Toni pushed back some of her pink hair and glanced around the room, sliding closer to him. “Can we..talk? I really need to talk to you about something.” His curiosity piqued, Jughead nodded and he stood up to follow her to wherever she led him. He assumed she wanted a quiet place and connecting eyes with Betty, Jughead smiled and held up a hand to signal that he’d be back in a little bit. All he got was his girlfriend was a wave and a nod. Turning his attention away from her, Jughead realized Toni was leading them into F.P.’s office and his brows rose as she shut the door behind him. He had hooked up with Toni in this very office a year ago and he really hoped she wasn’t looking for a repeat. She was with Cheryl, but Jughead knew Toni was more of a person to follow her impulses rather than logic. He leaned against the desk and folded his arms across his chest, hoping to create the look that he was closed off both physically and emotionally when it came to her. “What do you need to tell me?”
“Cheryl and I broke up.” Well. Whatever Jughead was expecting, it certainly hadn’t been that. His arms fell from his chest and he straightened up, a sympathetic look crossing his features. He hadn’t paid much attention to the couple as Cheryl wasn’t the sort of person he enjoyed spending time with but he had thought the two girls were a really good fit together. They both matched each other in defiance and Jughead couldn’t count the amount of times he had walked in on them in the process of getting it on. He had threatened to ban them from several rooms if they kept it up. To hear that they weren’t together was a shock and from the expression on Toni’s face, Jughead didn’t think it had been mutual or her idea.
“I’m..really sorry, T. What happened?” Jughead asked softly, his hand reaching up to squeeze Toni’s shoulder. She stiffened for a second but then relaxed, and he could see her defenses weakening. Toni wasn’t one to share her emotions easily but Jughead could tell this was really upsetting her. He didn’t want to scare her away by getting physical but he also wanted her to know he was there. She had listened to a lot of his rants about his dad and even when he wasn’t in the mood to talk, she had been there to sit by him so he wasn’t lonely. This was what he could do to pay her back for that solidarity and friendship. Toni sighed and reached a hand up to brush away a tear that had started trailing down her cheek. “Cheryl told me we just didn’t belong,” she began in a flat voice but Jughead could hear the emotion quivering underneath the monotone she was trying so hard to maintain. “She said she loved me, and that I’d always be special to her, but she had an image to uphold and come graduation, she’d have to get serious about marrying somebody who fit in with her family. Some white boy with a name like Daniel or Phillip who could match her income.” Toni’s hands were shaking and she had clenched her fists to the point where her knuckles were white. Jughead recognized this as a coping method that Betty sometimes did but his urge to smooth out those fingers didn’t come with Toni like it did with Betty. Jughead just kept quiet and let Toni talk it out.
“I’m sorry. That had to be hard to hear. But maybe Cheryl did a good thing for you. It doesn’t sound like she wants to fight too hard to keep you,” Jughead tried to say as gently as he could. He didn’t want to hurt Toni any further but this only further cemented his belief that Cheryl was cold, cruel, and had no heart. Who said that to somebody they claimed to love? Who treated a relationship like it had a value in dollars? Jughead couldn’t even try to begin to imagine how he would feel if Betty told him she was too above him and had to seek higher. It was an insecurity he still tussled with but the more time they spent together, the more it faded away and stayed only in the deepest, darkest corners of his mind. Betty loved him. Betty chose him. Jughead was so, so lucky that Betty was not Cheryl.
“Don’t you get it, Jughead?” Toni asked, her eyes narrowing. She sounded disgusted with him and Jughead cocked his brows, immediately defensive at the tone in her voice. She may be heartbroken but Jughead wasn’t going to let her stand there and spout verbal abuse at him. He was only trying to help and be a good friend, and she didn’t get to make him her punching bag. Nobody did anymore. “What do you think it’s going to be like when Betty graduates? Her and Cheryl are from the same family..God, they’re cousins. You think Mrs. and Mr. Cooper won’t be whispering in her ear like Cheryl’s mom does? You think Betty’s going to choose trailer life and gang life over a good college and a chance to get out of this hell town? You’re stuck here, Jughead. You’re a legacy. Betty has nothing tying her to Riverdale and you have an entire gang. You’re the leader and you don’t get to leave.”
Toni must have seen something on Jughead’s face because her own softened and she stepped forward, putting a hand on his arm in a move meant to comfort him. All Jughead could feel was numb. There had been so much venom in her voice, so much disbelief that he hadn’t realized all these things, and it was as if the demons in his head finally had a face and a voice to speak all the dark thoughts to him. “Jughead..” Toni said softly. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. You’re in so much deeper with Betty than I was with Cheryl. You don’t want to get attached to these people. Your Northside friends..your Northside princess..they’ll all leave and you’ll be here, just a memory. They’re not going to stick around for you. They’ll leave. It’s time you face that instead of acting like both of your worlds can merge. It’s time to grow up.” Toni shook her head, like she couldn’t believe she had had to be the one to deliver the bad news. In her mind, this was her giving Jughead some tough love. Somebody had to shake him out of his delusion.
Jughead remained stock still, not moving. He heard a loud buzzing in his ears and he couldn’t even slap off Toni’s hand. His insides curled in anger at her voice, her face, her whole being but he couldn’t make a sound or a move. All Jughead could do was stand there and watch a montage inside of his head what his future would look like. He’d be wearing his Serpents jacket and watching Betty pack up her life as she hopped into a convertible with Archie and Veronica, not looking back and excited for the bright future she deserved and earned. Archie would not make the burger dates he promised when he was on break from school. Veronica would ignore his texts about movie recommendations and predictions for Oscar night. Lines would be drawn and Jughead would always be Southside.
Toni took his silence for acceptance and she sighed, a pitying noise that made Jughead’s skin crawl. “I’m sorry, Jug,” she whispered and she genuinely did sound sorry. This was what Toni believed the world to be like. “I’ll go let Betty know you’re not in the mood to party. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.” Jughead watched her go, every instinct in his body screaming at him to run after her and refuse to let her dictate his thoughts or feelings but all he could do was stand, frozen. His demons had been released and they were purring and snapping in delight, wrapping him up and torturing him with images and thoughts until Jughead was brought down to his knees and struggled to breathe.