Getting Healthy

Just want to know that I'm living my life to the fullest.

[sydwillbehealthy]

Oops I’ve been gone

Okay I haven’t posted in 2 weeks and I could say some excuse but really I’ve just been avoiding it. I got sick recently and because of it I did not eat much for like three days and I lost a bunch of weight, I got down to 173 pounds. I have tried to maintain this loss but I have settle around 175-177 so less than before but not little. I have in and off intermittent fasted the past two weeks but I lost my gusto for it. But I’m not giving up on losing weight. I realize I have been trying to make the process easy on me but I need to embrace the difficulty because honestly my number one goal right now is weight loss. However unhealthy that mindset is. Anyway I have decided that I will count my calories, under a certain amount a day, I think 1700 to start off. I won’t have any food restrictions because I’m trying to learn balance. I will lose this weight it doesn’t matter how long it takes and I’m not setting any specific goals by a certain time because it really doesn’t matter. I know this will be very hard for the first two or more weeks so I need to stick it out. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 18 2020

Well the day didn’t have any fasting and it went okay. I had a good and not crazy breakfast, then I wen your for lunch and although I didn’t have the most healthy entree I did have only half of it and some dessert. I realize I just can’t fit as much food as I used to be able to. But I got home and I bought some chocolate treat(I’m dumb) and I ate all of it then I had the left overs I don’t feel good about that second part. I can’t lie I am getting very frustrated even though I’m doing my fasting I know I want to start consistently losing weight so I need to push myself again and what I tried didn’t work. This is usually where I would give up or keep trying the thing half heartedly but I’m going to try something else. I am going to do some research and come up with a plan that seems reasonable even if it’s not forever and just for two weeks to help me get on a track I will be fine with it. Weight loss is one of the healthiest things I can do for my body and I need to stop treating it so lightly. At least I have mostly been maintaining my weight like I might gain a pound one day and lose it the next but I am staying around the same 3 pounds.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 18 2020

Surprisingly another successful fast I’m happy to say today I did like an 11- 6pm fast. And I finished my three days in a row that I was trying to do. Did not do well planning my meals but my fudge is done so that should be less of a problem. I had a pretty good breakfast and I totally forgot that I had planned when I was going to eat my meals. Tomorrow I’m just going to eat all day I think it’s important for me to have theee breaks but food wise I definetly eat too much. It’s really starting to make me feel guilty and I don’t like that. Like I’m not seeing and physical fast results but I’m not putting in the work so it makes sense. Tomorrow I’ll be eating at 10 am - my usually breakfast, then at 2pm - a small delicious salad and at 6pm - a terriaki fake chicken dinner with a little bit of quinoa on the side and string beans. I am allowing myself as many snacks as I want from this list: almonds, sunflower seeds, protein shake, any fruit. Hopefully this will ad a little order and force me to challenge myself a little more.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 17 2020

Okay another successful 10-6 fast just not healthy choices again. I’m going to try one more day of this tactic then move on if it doesn’t work when I actually try my hardest at it. Also I went for a run/ walk today and I felt very tired but not very exhausted after. All in all in all I need some type of push to get myself inspired again to eat better because I am slacking a lot. I’m going to throw out the remaining fudge I didn’t eat and I think I will eat my two meals at 10 am and second at 5pm with a smaller meal/snack/protein shake at 1:30pm. I really want to stop myself from constantly eating so hopefully having specific times that I can eat will help me win that mental battle with food and trying not to use it to solve all my emotional issues. As well in personal news I want to start organizing my time into a kind of routine so that I feel like I know what I will be getting done every day. Instead of feeling without a plan.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 16 2020

My plan for eating better did not go well today and I didn’t eat that well in general I did intermittent fast thought from 10 am to about 5pm. I define it yneed to plan meals that I can eat for dinner so that I’m not always wondering and then settling for bad food. Also I went for another run today I’m trying to run every try this week just because I want to see if I can do it. That’s all I didn’t really feel like writing this today I feel kind of stalled in my progress so I’m going to try and push myself a bit harder tomorrow.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 15 2020

Well today was a not fasting day and I definetly ate too much and I did not do a good job tracking my food so I’m going to actually force myself to track my macros tomorrow. And I am going to try intermittent fasting for three days in a row then take another break. On the bright side I did go for a run and only walked a little bit.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 14 2020

Today was fine enough. Weighed in as the same as yesterday, I ate from 11am to 7pm so another fast and it was successful I had two main meals. I didn’t count macros exactly so that was quite the fail first I tried this method of putting in the meals , like planning them for the day first but that didn’t seem to work past breakfast. Basically my idea was to put in how much of each item I would eat and see if the macros were acceptable then I would eyeball it during the meal when I am cooking it. I also made some white chocolate fudge so that I have something sweet to eat whenever I really and feening for something obviously it was dumb to make something but I’m hoping it could be a way in the future that I allow myself to eat sweets and not go crazy and buy a bunch of things from the store. Like I want to be able to have desserts and sweets in the house without going crazy immediately.

I went on a successful walk/run at sunset today I did much more running continuously than before so that was a win. Tomorrow I am going to focus more on my macros and fine a way to implement my sweets into it.

[sydwillbehealthy]

Extra Post: June 13

Macrossss:

Ok I decided on a calorie limit of 1750 to help me lose weight, hopefully it won’t be too much of a shock for me to do. This is something I hopefully will follow every day of the week whether I fast or not. Anyway I came up with a ratio of 25% protein, 40% carbs and 35% fat, I’m not sure how this will work out or if it is even the healthiest thing for me to do but I just want to try this ratio out because I feel like it’s the closest to how I already eat except making the fat much higher. This works out to 110 grams of Protein, 175g of Carbs and 68 grams of fat a day. And split into two equal meals it is 875 calories for each. I eat more like 3 meals with a super light lunch or an early heavy dinner when I have two meals so it won’t be exactly this but it helps give me an idea of how much stuff I have to pack into one meal. I think a big part of this will be having different ways of eating fats, currently I eat mostly avocados for fat and eggs so I need to incorporate a little more cheese maybe and I think I might eat almonds as snacks if I’m really low on fat. Also for protein I have a supplemental protein shake which I think I’ve mentioned before and I try to get protein every day by default so it should work out. If this gets too much for me I will hold off on it just because I don’t want to be too strict and binge but maybe that’s just me not believing in myself enough.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 13 2020

Weighed in and my binge didn’t ruin my life I am 178.6 pounds not terrible I know some of it is water weight and only a little ca be actually fat that I gained. Today I at in a fast again from 11:30am to 7:30pm it wasn’t the most healthy day of eating but it also wasn’t the worst either. And I did get in that exercise that I abandoned yesterday so I did 4 miles of walking and hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll be doing my run/walk again. I’m defiantly noticing myself getting full on less food than before and I’m grateful for that but it is also confusing because it is happening so fast that my mind can’t keep up with it. I just realized I am going to need a goal to work on for next week I should have come up with it and started it on Friday to be consistent. Hmmm I guess I could track my macros and try to stay within a certain amount because it would help speed up my weight loss as well as keep me from bingeing and eating ravenously. So yup that will be my challenge I just have to uncover how many calories/ grams the macros will be and the ideal ratios for my activity level.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 12 2020

I’ll start with the good stuff I found out I lost weight this morning I weighed in at 176.8 pounds which is crazy it felt great. But today I had a craving for popcorn specially kettle corn and when I went o the store I bough three different types and I spent today eating all of them and I feel terrible about it. Like it was a full on binge it is just sad. At some points I noticed what was happening but I did that thing where it’s like if it’s gone to far. Anyway maybe I haven’t been eating enough food and I did exercise last night and that’s why I binged I would say a big part of it was buying the food I shouldn’t have bought the unhealthy food so I wouldn’t have to struggle with not eating it.

[sydwillbehealthy]

Jun 11 2020

Another fast day today, I did from 10:30am to 5:30pm. I had two main meals. My first meal I got a little out of control after I ate everything on my plate and I just wanted to keep eating and I have to say shamefully I ate like 3 or 4 nectarines and peaches after I ate my meal. So like I was already full I just wanted more food. I’m guessing this had something to do with me eating less yesterday and the fact that this has always been a habit of mine. And I did kind of the same thing with my dinner I made this curry with rice and a flatbread and it already wants gonna be the most well rounded meal health wise then I had like a small amount of seconds and too much bread so I felt like that I need to lay down full which is what I’m trying to avoid. So now I’m trying to get specific tasks that I will make myself complete after I eat my food so that I don’t hang around the kitchen and keep eating whatever I see. I think it should work out pretty good. I made up for the run/walk I didn’t do yesterday and it felt great I ran for more time of it than usual. And lastly I weighed in and I am around 2 pounds down at 179.4 pounds. I’m happy to see the progress finally, but I know it’s a long long road ahead.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 10 2020

Maybe 10 is my new lucky number because today was a good day. I had two meals total both of them made me full and the first one I got a little out of control but nothing too crazy. I didn’t feel crazy stuffed by any of them that I had to sit down which was great. And my second meal I felt was pretty healthy I just felt all around good and I felt like this way of eating was something I could do. Also I have to mention I didn’t intermittent fasting from 11am to 7pm my last meal at like 6:20pm.

Wasn’t able to do my walk/run today I used my time inefficiently I’ll be making it up tomorrow. 

Tomorrow I plan to do the exact same I have some events and such that might mess that up though. I have to walk to two different locations trying fro look for a summer job.

In personal news, I applied to some summer jobs I’m interested and emailed the advisor for my major at college because I have my senior year coming up and I have a lot of concerns that I have to see to to make sure I graduate on time. I still have one more thing to do that I am very afraid of doing but I’m trying to manage the fear by facing the truth head on it’s hard but I’m going to do it. Lol this has turned into kind of a life diary.

Also lastly I’d like to put up my stats:

Today I weighed in at 181.4 pounds

My measurements:

Chest: 39.25 in

Waist:  33.5 in

Lower waist (gut): 37.5 in

Hips: 44.5 in 

[sydwillbehealthy]

Jun 9

Today was fine I took my measurements and I’ll post them tomorrow just because it’s late in the day and I don’t want to find them right now. Yikes, but I worked on my comfort eating problem which of what I figured out I do and why I will eat so much when I’m not hungry or worse when I’m full. I have been trying to avoid a lot of emotions with food for years now and the amount of times I had to replace the activity today was shocking. It was like every hour I was fighting myself wanted to just eat to get rid of the boredom, guilt or stress I felt. It just felt liberating to know why kind of but also frustrating to have to deal with it. A few times I did not win that battle but I have tried to change my mindset because every time I don’t give in it’s like I’m defeating that habit that I’ve created for myself. It makes me upset because I know it will be a long time until it is more natural but happy because I see it being a real game changer for me. Also I forgot to mention I allowed myself a day off from intermittent fasting and I’ll be back at it for the next two days. I realize I need to go on and off at least for now because everyday ends up feeling like a lot. But it also gives me practice with not giving into my emotions. This is going to be a long journey but I’m trying not to wallow anymore and look on the bright side cause I can’t imagine this is the most inspiring thing to read all the time. Lol.

[sydwillbehealthy]

Jun 8 2020

It’s a monday and I’m disappointed in myself, but also proud of myself I ate a good fat filled breakfast and I realized how easily I get full now, but I have this sick desire to eat everything on my plate all the time, so I need to start making way less food than I think I need. Also I had a protein shake for lunch at that point it was just to have something to eat, but I did enjoy it as a snack. The mistake comes in the fact that I ordered a pizza and I ate most of the pizza. This is my real shame I do it alll the time its annoying. I just gorge myself when I’m not even hungry just because I love food. I know and I think that it is all mental (I haven’t felt great about where my life is going lately) and its habitual (I have been doing it for a year or more. It just so comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. I like to have the food because its tasty but then I resent the food because it makes me feel so stuffed and filled that I have to lie down and my stomach sometimes hurts and I feel fatter and just gross. Maybe I have to think about that feeling that I always get before I make the mistake. Like although I want to eat this food thats in front of me and even if its a bad food its not the worst, I am going to decide to not make myself sick because I want to be healthier way more than this food, I need to remind myself of that and I need to find another behavior to replace this desire to stuff myself with because just sitting around and thinking about it is not helping me. I’ll come up with some things and write back. But all in all I didn’t mess up my fast at all so its a success but I am still disappointed in myself. And I’m going on a walk now which is a perfect time for me to think. 

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 7 2020

I’m not gonna lie I’m not feeling great. 🙄 What’s new to be honest? But okay i’m not feeling that bad, but when I write out the mistakes and missteps I make it feel like more real and more shameful than if I just ignore them and rationalize them to myself, which is why I’’m writing this blog, but its still difficult of course. Like I know people want to see me make steady progress and I do too like damn, but I guess this is really what weight-loss is like just slow painful steps and missteps. 

Anyway, last night I did the same thing where ate late at night 11pm to be exact breaking my fast. And also “surprise surprise” I moved my fasting window one more hour up to 11am - 7pm. I am hoping that it is not too many hours before my first meal and not too many hours before bed. Also another thing I did today was instead of gorging myself with my first meal, I usually eat whatever I want and a lot of it I ate something lighter, but still delicious and I knew it would make me hungry faster, but it felt like a better way to break a fast. Also I tried to have meals I actually ended up having three of various sizes, that may not be a thing I do forever. 

And finally I am going to make sure that I eat up to the end og my eating window, because often because I am so full and gorging myself, or just because I forget I will stop eating like 2 or 3 hours before I have to so I’m just creating more problems for my fasting window. 

Lol there are so many things I have to say, also I am trying to eat a little healthier, nothing crazy, gonna try and cut down on very very sugary things and have a more balanced macronutrient diet. Because when I have been reading about intermittent fasting many sources said it was a good idea to have a lower amount of carbs than the typical American diet which is too many, and mine I already know is way to many (vegetarian and resident fat person) also up my intake of fats, which is something that I think will be difficult to do. And I always need to up my protein so I will attempt to do that too. 

Basically, I won’t be tracking specifically yet, but I will try to gently make meals that go in that direction, and make sure to stay away from the simple carbs that I eat in embarrassing excess, my bread, rice, sometimes. quinoa, like the other parts of my meals usually have enough carbs anyway so I don’t want to go overboard with it. I might buy a protein powder to help my protein intake and MCT oil to put in my coffee( which I am going to slowly try to make black so I cant drink it during my fast and to get away from added sugars), just little supplements to help get it going of course this isn’t the best solution or even the healthiest, but it is the simplest one I can follow now and I will keep slowly moving to more healthy options in the future. 

[sydwillbehealthy]

Jun 6 2020

Today was not the best day. It started off the my fast from last night got broken when I ate some cheez it at 12 am. And so my fast was messed up. Now it’s almost 11pm and I really want to eat something and I don’t know what to do I know I have to work it out in my head and I need to figure out this need to eat always but it’s difficult very difficult for me. This is when I feel most out of control I feel like it’s inevitable that I will eat. I’ve decided to try a game where I congratulate myself on how much time I can go without giving into this emotion because it will pass and I’ve accepted that it is okay if I happen to eat something tonight of course it’s not good for my intermittent fast but it helps me feel less guilty and have this shame around eating too much. Also I had to mention I moved my fasting up one more hour and made it 12-8pm for today. Let’s see if it sticks.

[sydwillbehealthy]

June 5 2020

Another good day of intermittent fasting, I completed another 16:8 with my fasting hours from 1pm - 9 pm. Went up in weight a little to 180 but that’s to be expected. I probably won’t weigh in much until I see some physical change. Also today was my first day of exercising because it is a Friday, so I did a walk for 3 miles that turned into a run/walk in the last third. I have always loved running and it has been uncomfortable trying to get back into it because it feels like I’m holding so much weight. But tonight I mixed it up and I had that feeling that I only get when running of confidence in myself and complete freedom it was exhilarating. I am feeling much better mentally today than yesterday. I realized why I really want to lose this weight and for the first time I feel like it’s really for me. Not for other people’s standards or not because I’m waiting for the loss so that I can do something I’m afraid of, like going on dates with men, or trying to get friendships or “popularity” from people. I know that I want to lose weight because I feel unhealthy, I move around and it’s uncomfortable, I can’t wear the cute styles I love so much and my favorite clothing style, oversized does not look good on my body, my clothing sizes keep changing so much, I am already at risk for diabetes and the extra weight doesn’t help. I want to get back to feeling like I’m a healthy person and mean it. I don’t want to feel like at any moment I could be out of control and eat a bunch of food that’s unhealthy for me. I want the energy that comes from working out every day and I want to look in the mirror and feel just hot. Many of these things are superficial but it’s all true for me and I’m glad that I know my real goals.