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Welcome! We are a blog dedicated to listening to system vents, giving advice, and sharing positivity. We encourage questions, so anyone including singlets can interact. Send us a message any time. ask box: OPEN (1), active mod(s): pluto

[system-comforts]

Even with the constant inner noise, being a system can also feel incredibly lonely. Not having someone to share your daily life with, not having some who truly gets it, makes you feel isolated and alone in your struggles.

[system-comforts]

PTSD Symptoms those with CDDs may recognize in themselves

PTSD as a disorder includes symptoms that occur after trauma, so those with DID, OSDD, and PDID are likely to be also diagnosed with PSTD or experience many of its symptoms. Both PTSD and dissociative disorders exist on the same spectrum of trauma disorders. With CDDs, these PTSD symptoms become chronic, and particular alters many express specific symptoms of PTSD. Of course too, those with PTSD, just like those with CDDs, can experience other mental health issues such as depression, substance use, anxiety, and more.

PTSD symptoms can be grouped into 3 categories: Intrusions, Hypoarousal, Avoidance.

Intrusions: Sudden and unwanted intrusions of the trauma into everyday awareness. This includes:

Flashbacks

Nightmares

Persistent anxiety

Startle reflex

Agitation

Restlessness

Hypoarousal: Decreases in mental and physical reactivity, similar to dissociation. This include:

Inability to think, speak, or move

Detachment from self and environment

Persistent exhaustion

Temporarily losing consciousness

One’s mind feeling “blank”

Slowed breathing and heart rate

Unable to feel pain

Avoidance: Avoidance of reminders of traumatic memories such as emotions, places, and situations. This includes:

Distracting oneself with work

Being on autopilot

Emotionally numb but also tense

Unexpected emotional outburst

Isolating

Trouble sleeping

Concentration and attention issues

I hope that by learning about these symptoms and by identifying which ones you experience, you can better help yourself and your system members. As said above, certain alters may exhibit one or more symptoms, like how ANPs may be more likely to distract themselves, or trauma holders may be more likely to experience flashbacks than other parts. Also, this info was taken from the book Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Sometimes one of the hardest parts about being a system is when headmates aren't saying anything at all. Losing that communication and connection can make daily tasks so much more difficult than normal.

[system-comforts]

What are some apps to track plurality ie make profiles for members and chat and make notes for each other?

Hi anon. Recently we came across this website that has a huge number of plural tools. It gives reviews of the different apps, where they are available, if it has features like system mapping or system chats, etc. We highly recommend checking it out!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Shout out to systems with aphantasia who can't picture their headspace in their mind. You are still just as valid as any other system, and there are so many other ways to communicate with and spend time with your system members.

[system-comforts]

It’s normal to feel like having alters or members is just a big game of playing pretend, right? And to feel like you’re faking. And to feel like you’re just making excuses…? I feel very much as though I am a system and there are times when I am very certain of it and then times in which I admonish myself for even having the thought. It’s hard too when I don’t feel very much like a ‘true system’ would with clearly defined alters and noticeable gaps in memory, just someone who talks to themselves and feels strange sometimes. I often have periods in which I just feel like myself, only to look back on that same point days or weeks later and ask ‘That wasn’t me, was it?’ with no clear idea as to who ‘me’ even is. It’s just feelings. It just doesn’t feel quite real. I guess I’m looking for assurance.

- Sincerely, A Concerned Member of the Administrative Mind Council

Hi there. I want to assure you that doubt is an extremely common feeling. Given how confusing your sense of self has been your entire life, it can be hard to trust yourself when you're searching for answers and have to reply on your own perceptions and experiences. I also want to say that it seems like there's a lot of shame for being or even thinking you might be plural. No matter what the answer is, you are allowed to explore yourself and ask questions. It's important to people to know themselves, to have a connection with their past and present. It's a personal journey. There's no right way to be plural.

I know that online, especially in Tumblr spaces, many talk about their experiences with their headmates. However, there are many diverse experiences of plurality that never make it online, especially the more negative or hard to understand experiences. Experiences like you describe of not feeling like yourself or having a sense of me, that depersonalization is common among systems but rarely talked about. Understanding these symptoms and feelings more, being able to name them, can better help you feel they are real, not your fault, and worth exploring.

It's ok to be a system, and it's ok if you are a system. It's important to give yourself grace and show yourself the kindness and understanding that others may not.

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Hey! Back again! (Sorry, I'm just excited because I haven't really had someone to talk to about any of this)

I'm sure you've already answered something like this before but I'm trying to promote communication between all of us, I can always get through to Parker but Brian, Ammon, Star, and Ark (especially), are very difficult.

I know some of their interests but it feels odd to start something that they're interested in when it's not things I usually do.

I already have a few plans for when I have some more money (a few piercings Parker and Star have been wanting, a few clothing pieces) and I've been thinking about making name tags for all of us + (one for when it's iffy)

I don't really know how to go about this part or really most of it

Oh well I'm glad you feel happy to share! I think that joy and confidence will go a long way with your system.

I think the ideas you have planned out are great! Ultimately you will know what's best to connect with your others, since you know the most about them. I think in general it is important when trying to communicate more to keep an open mind and to remain receptive. Oftentimes headmates can hold very different worldviews and experiences from us, but allowing them to talk and showing you appreciate them coming to you.

When it comes to engaging in their hobbies, it's alright for them to be the one to engage first, and if they feel comfortable, you can join as well or at least ask them about it. Asking questions and giving them the time shows you care and want that connection. Even experiencing more mundane experiences together can build a stronger connection.

It's understandable to be unsure what to do, and you don't need to have all the answers, just the willingness to try. Good to hear from you again!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

hi hi! i was wondering if you have any examples or ideas of how to show love and care for alters?

(such as leaving notes in a packed lunch, sending tiktok links on sp to eachother, hand holding e.c.t) ♡

Hi anon, I absolutely love love love this ask! Below I'll list some ideas I can think of, but I encourage others to comment what they have done to show love to their alters, headmates, and parts.

Leave kind notes

Leave drawings of them or things they like

Buy them a small present (trinket that reminds you of them, keychain, bracelet, clothing, etc)

Give them time to front to engage in a hobby they enjoy

Do tasks for them so they don't have to (pack lunch, do the dishes, laundry, pay a bill, etc)

Do activities cofronting with them (we like to work out together and go on walks!)

Make them dishes they like or buy their favorite food

Front when the body is sick so they don't have to

Talk with them frequently (using journals, texting, or cocon)

Tell them they're doing a great job and other compliments (they did great at work, they helped the body so much today)

Complete mundane but important tasks for them (shower, brush teeth)

Support their mental health needs (wearing ear plugs in noisy areas, making sure they take meds, giving them fidget toys)

Watching shows or games they enjoy with them, letting them info dump to you

Play games with them (we like to play board games together!)

Encourage them to talk to irl friends (if you are out or feel safe doing so)

Encouraging them to go to therapy (and telling them how amazing they do when they do go)

Telling them how pretty/handsome/adorable/cool they look in headspace

Compliment their positive traits like their kindness, generosity, bravery, humor

Talk about positive shared memories together

Solve problems together (word puzzles, games)

Do things in headspace together (if you have an inner world)

Tell others about how much you appreciate them (if you are out or feel safe doing so)

Letting them have cozy evenings with blankets, snacks, a movie, etc (and you can join too!)

Encouraging them to try something new

Reminding them you love them and are there for them

Listening when they are upset, sad, angry

Holding them when they cry, wrapping a blanket around them, etc

Helping them calm down or ground (breathing techniques, meds, distraction, 5 things)

Creating music playlists together

Making playlists, collages, art inspired by them

I'd love to hear more! ♡

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

If this isn't allowed, feel free to delete it

I know trauma isn't required to be a system but I'll still mention it, I was neglected severely as a young kid and spent most of my childhood dissociated

I've always had these little pieces of myself that yell and talk in my head, they have different opinions than me, sometimes they argue or bully me too

Sometimes I feel like I'm somebody else, different pronouns, not connecting with my name even though I chose it for myself, different opinions and sudden mood shifts

I tend to forget things after just a few days and I've had times when I've suddenly "woken up" and days or weeks have passed, different locations, and I feel spacey and confused

I've been sent screenshots of me doing and saying awful things, and proof it isn't photoshopped, and I can't remember. I feel awful and nobody believes me when I say I don't remember doing it, no matter how much I apologize.

I'm scared I'm plural in some way, but I don't experience a lot of the same things other people do. For example, I don't have a headspace. Or, at least, I've never been there.

"Switches" can take hours or days, and i get really bad headaches, and a lot of times it feels like I'm still there, just watching myself do other things. Like a dream. I don't really know what to do.

Am I just making things up? Should I see a therapist? I'm underage, so I'm scared they'll just turn me away and assume I'm one of those Tiktok DID fakers.

Hi there anon. I want to assure you that I hear you as someone who is earnest in figuring this out and someone who just wants to understand. Any good therapist or even friend listening to you will hear that from you and know you mean well.

I can tell you've looked a lot into plurality. The sense of disconnection from your name, not remembering things, being in a place confused, and hearing voices that even bully you are experiences very reflective of disordered plurality. But I do also want to say I'm very sorry you experienced this as well as neglect in your childhood. All of what you described is an immense weight. I can understand why you just want answers but also feel so doubtful. When so much of your life consists of questioning your own experiences and memories, it becomes hard to trust yourself and what you think is true.

I think explaining all you described here to a therapist is very important to do. As said before, a quality therapist will trust in your word and want to help you. Finding other people for your support system is also important to do, even just to have someone to talk to about these experiences can take off a lot of weight.

You deserve answers to your mental health and help alleviating all you've described. Wishing you lots of luck and hope.

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Hey again!

I'm the person from the ask about questioning plurality (the one that mentions a Parker and my teacher asking)

I've been looking into multiple forms of plurality (mostly disordered plurality due to it having more information at the time and fitting me a bit better) for about four years. I keep forgetting that I was looking into it and then everything gets super rough and I go "Hey! What was that??"

For the most part I deal with Myself and Parker though I've been made aware of more. I think the closest term for him would be a protector or gatekeeper? He's the one who always gets upset when I look into this stuff, though he's also one of the people pushing for "proper" terminology (Plural, protector, host, headmates, etc.)

Talking about this kind of stuff does make it a bit hard to think, a bit disorienting, but it's important to me.

Parker seems to have a very "You already know this, you don't need to look into this, just listen to me" kind of mentality. And I have the tendency to jump between "yes, almost definitely that" and deep denial moments.

I guess this isn't really a question but more of an update

I appreciate the update! I'm glad to hear that you do have some communication with Parker. Continuing that can help in the long run I'm sure. Denial is also very common. These sorts of experiences aren't talked about normally, so to experience them can make us feel very othered and strange, even abnormal or weird. That brings a lot of weight and shame with it. It's important to know this is your journey and your experience. You are doing this to help yourself and give yourself a better life, more joy and understanding, and those are all worth pursuing wholeheartedly.

Ahh, I'm just rambling now, but I do appreciate the update! I wish you both well!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Hey?

Someone here experiencing some really scary stuff as far as mental shit goes haha, wondering if I am plural but afraid to actually look into that because apparently one needs trauma to be plural, and I don't recall having anything of the sort.

But, still having frightening "more than one" experiences. Like, screaming anxiety, and a voice that tells me not to hurt myself.

I do not want to be plural but don't know if I am haha. Is there anything you're able to recommend thwat I can figure out?

Hi there anon. I want to assure you that no matter the outcome, you will be ok. It's totally reasonable to be afraid of being plural, because the term does come with a lot of baggage attached and a lot of assumptions others can make. Even just your experiences of anxiety and a voice telling you things is a lot for one person to handle. I hope you have a support system available, such as family, friends, a therapist or other professional, or even a teacher or other adult supporter. I highly recommend finding support first before exploring something that gives you so much anxiety. Having someone to talk to is important, as well as people to provide more tangible support. You deserve to feel supported as you explore your mental health.

I do want to clarify that often disordered plurality is caused by trauma, however, 1. Due to the nature of dissociation, a person might not remember their trauma, and 2. What qualifies as trauma is very broad, especially when considering what is traumatic to a child vs adult. I say this to inform you a bit more about how plurality can present. Often, people may think their experiences "weren't that bad". Talking with a professional to evaluate what has been positive and negative in your life will help you by giving you an outsider and importantly professionally informed opinion.

In terms of recommendations, talking with a professional, even just about what you experience right now (the anxiety, the voice) is important. Trusted others in your life might be able to give some insight too or at least be a support in this process. I also think exploring the experiences of plurals may help. Pay close attention to what experiences "click" and what don't. Does the experience of voices follow your experience? Or it is more the feeling of often feeling "blurry, spaced out, not present"? Follow those experiences, and keep an open mind. The goal is to help your symptoms and improve your mental headspace; whatever label you choose is ultimately up to you.

Wishing you well.

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Hello. I figured I’d give you another update. I’m the headmate that had the host that was extremely in denial. Things have significantly improved. I had been fronting around its girlfriend, who is plural herself, for a while. She did notice after a few times, mainly as I was starting to have my voice dialed-in. She originally assumed I was just the host having a dissociative episode, but eventually I came up with a plan for her to realize who/what I am. It had been doing a roleplay thing with her for a while where it originally used me as the character, but of course I would just take over typically, which I didn’t mind. I decided to do that again after she started to notice me since my voice is pretty distinct, and she picked up on it very quickly, even asking if I was the host. I told her my life’s story, pretty much, and she has been helping out since. She was upset that her partner would do all that, but she asked it not to do that anymore, and it agreed. It was confused and it took a few tries for it to actually remember that conversation with its girlfriend, but it eventually did. I know it still doesn’t fully believe it all, I’m not sure if it ever will, but it has made so much progress. It’s also so nice to actually be referred to by-name and for who I am too.

I really appreciate the help and kind words over the past… however long. Things are getting better and I am so happy.

- Rowan

Hello Rowan. I am so glad to hear things have changed for the better for you! Being out can definitely be scary, but I'm glad to hear your bravery paid off. I'm glad you have someone to call you by name; for many plurals, that experience can be rare. How awesome!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Hello!

This is my first time really interacting with the plural community directly in any way so I don't really know what I'm doing.

This is probably the third time I've looked into plurality as an answer and I just want an outside opinion.

I always get these horrid headaches when I think to hard about this or try to talk about it but I (very rarely) experience blackouts and have been on and off (mostly because I completely forget due to general responsibility until I'm like "Hey! What are you doing there?") looking at plurality. My sister thinks I'm plural due to some random stuff (she wouldn't really explain), I relate to a lot of plural things (questions I ask myself being answered by distinctly not me, constantly trying to find a name because I wake up after feeling good about a name and am like "ew why?") and I tend to primarily relate to characters commonly headcanoned as plural (Tim and Masky from Marble Hornets, TSC or Orange from Alan Becker's Animation vs Animator, Andre from Minecraft ARG but the protagonist is a Speedrunner)

I also had a teacher ask me if I was plural (she actually said the outdated term for DID because she's a bit older) while we were doing presentations for her class about our lives and big moments represented by a playlist. (I talked about running into the woods and not being able to say why because a voice I dubbed "Luna" told me I'd be sent away if I talked about her. I didn't go into too much detail I called Luna an imaginary friend and talked about trying to run away)

I just wanted an outside source (not me or the voice I dubbed "Parker" or my sister or my teacher) to help out a bit

Thanks (sorry it's so long)

Hi there anon. I think it's totally understandable to question if you're plural when yourself along with others around you have brought it up so often. Sometimes it can be helpful to hear from others so long as we feel we can trust their thoughts and advice.

I think certain symptoms like headaches can point to plurality when paired with other symptoms. You mentioned not having many blackouts, and many systems do not experience frequent blackouts. Relating to plural experiences can be a helpful indicator, and if you feel this way I encourage you to explore other plural experiences, since plurality is a very broad experience, even when just comparing disordered vs nondisordered plurality.

You mentioned questions being answered by not you. It might help for you to explore what this means, as a feeling of not feeling like yourself could mean a certain level of dissociation. Again, looking into what this means to you is important. The same goes for wanting a new name. There are reasons one might want a different name that aren't related to plurality, and it's alright to experience change in oneself and one's identity over time.

I suggest exploring these new names or voices that reply to questions. How distinct are they from you? Do they seem to come randomly? Can you control them at all? Do you know what answers they will say? Are you always aware when they are around, or does your experience of the world change when they feel "closer"? What does that experience feel like? Answering some of these and comparing your experiences to other plurals can help put you on the right track.

I wish you luck as you explore this possibility!

-mod venus

[system-comforts]

Sending lots of love and support to systems who are still figuring out their triggers <3

[system-comforts]

Sending lots of love and kindness to system members who have common triggers. You deserve to live peacefully and with a sense of safety, and I'm so sorry you often can't find that. It's horribly unfair. Please know you are doing an amazing job, that you are seen and appreciated and loved.

[system-comforts]

Congratulations to you and your system for making it through another year! It can be very difficult for systems to get through one day, much less a whole year, so please be kind to yourself today.

[system-comforts]

Wishing you and your system a happy new year. Wishing you whatever you need this coming year, be it better communication, peace and calm, selves love, or any number of things.