System? I hardly know 'em!

That moment when the sys has to hop (heh, get it) to one of their old cringe blogs and has to hope nobody knows what it used to be🤞😭

[systemihardlyknowem]

°❀.࿔‧Temporary Pinned Post°❀.࿔‧

✿ 17 [Bodily]

✿ He/they

✿ Transmasc

✿ [DM for socials] Roblox, Discord, PluralSpace

Alters That Will Likely Interact/Post

✿ 🪙 "Pothos" He/They/Dice/Chip

✿ 🟪 "Wolfsbane" - He/They

✿ 🪴 "Jacaranda" - He/They/Void/Vine/It/Xe

✿ 🪻"Wisteria" - They/She/He/Petal/Any

✿ 🌷"Tulip" - It/Its

✿ 🥀 "Thorn" - He/Him

✿ 🫐 "Blueberry" - Any

✿ 🌲"Pine" - They/He/Night

✿ 🎵 "Plum" - He/They/Purple

[systemihardlyknowem]

Rant/Yap about our experiences identifying as a system on Roblox.

Sometimes we do public "ask me anything" signs/booths on Roblox games, both as a social experiment and out of the excitement to educate people. Sometimes we bring along other systems, and I just felt like sharing some of our experiences on there because MAN.

Obviously, it's Roblox, AND, the public, so you're gonna get a lot of weirdos. The experience we have online is going to be drastically different than what it "should" be like, and it is expected to meet trolls and dumbasses galore. HOWEVER. I still have a lot to say about the kind of people we meet. Especially since most of them ARE adults, which is insane to me.

The sheer amount of "Uhm. If you're not diagnosed why should I believe you??://" is genuinely INSANE, to start off. First of all.. harassing people over their diagnose status can sometimes be even MORE ableist than fakers. Sometimes.

Let's say, in some theoretical reality where I am faking, what are YOU doing about it? Arguing with me for an "aha" moment? Why are you spending my time and yours trying to convince me I am actually not disabled? It's not as if I WANT to be. My guy, you are on the internet. There is much meaningful activism to be spread and many meaningful debates to be had, but this is just spinning us both in circles. You say I'm not disabled, I say I am, and I don't see the supposed goal of your ableist ping-pong game you call an argument.

Onto my point of fakeclaiming sometimes being more ableist than actual fakers, why on earth is your response to seeing someone with a complex, trauma-based disorder, to go up to them and try to gaslight them into believing they are not disabled? You will either A) Argue with a faker, who KNOWS they're faking, and therefore obviously will never ever budge when called out because they're doing this on purpose, or B) Attack an actually disabled person with a VERY complex disorder and risk causing a lot of mental damage.

The alters we have who like to do this take no damage from it because they expect it and have the capacity to block these people before anything can happen, so I'm not complaining about us personally being hurt, but rather what COULD happen to anyone else in our place.

Would you really, really rather risk hurting a disabled person than just walking away from someone you think is faking? C'mon people.

Second of all, I really don't think any of you even know how diagnoses works, so... why are you approaching a debate on the status of mine? Do you know how psychologists get to the level of ability to legally diagnose people? Years of education and resources like the DSM-5-TR. Do you know what is also publicly available to anyone with the free time/desire? Bingo.

You've no IDEA what resources someone has had readily available, how long they've spent on it, or even what their symptoms are like. For us personally, we have read the sections on dissociative disorders in the DSM-5-TR many a time, gotten advice from mentor-figure psychologists in our life, and been peer-diagnosed by four diagnosed systems and two undiagnosed. We've had both the luxury of education, educated peers, educated mentors, and people who care enough to be honest with us. Our symptoms are very "obvious" and hard to mistake. Classic "how did I get here / who are you / you're saying I said that? / what do you MEAN you feel like I'm a different person every time you talk to me? / oh my. The voices" stuff.

Either we somehow have a disorder that no one has ever diagnosed or heard of before, or we have a disorder affecting 1-3% of the population. What do you think is more likely? And my main point here is that we shouldn't HAVE to have all of these things to be taken at face value about our experiences. The ONLY time any "fake-claiming" should be happening is when someone spreads blatant misinformation or behavior that is harmful to the community (EX; Claiming you can be a system/plural without a CDD/Trauma). Otherwise, what in the genuine fuck are you complaining for?

There is absolutely zero reason at that point to nitpick symptoms and play the "can I catch you faking game?" because we're always both losers when we play it. Systems who say "Hey, I've done my proper research and this fits my experiences. I don't have any consultants or in-depth education on this, but the tools these people use to be "more able" are tools that help me out too. Expressing myself this way allows me to function better, and helps me understand myself," are valid enough. It's sad to me that they'll be attacked the same way, just without the same luxury of, "So, you see, I actually have a massive pile of reasons why I'm deserving of you believing me enough to treat me like a person!"

Since we consider this a social experiment alongside the opportunity to educate, sometimes me and other systems run seperate booths across seperate servers, or sit at the same booth and give different answers. Such as "Yes I'm diagnosed /vs/ No I've never even been to therapy." "Yes I have fictives /vs/ No fictives here." "I only have a few alters /vs/ I have over 30."

It just gives another example of fully-abled chronically online adults needing THEIR desired version of you to find you palatable enough to be given the dignity of not harassing/bullying you until you cry and contemplate never waking up again. You can't have fictives, a high alter count, be without diagnoses, dare to not want final fusion, be in any fandoms whatsoever, etc or else you deserve to die for faking, apparently.

(I do want to clarify somewhere though that, the main goal IS to educate people, but to educate them about mine and others' experiences. What I teach them is either sentences parroted off the DSM-5-TR, stories that go "for us personally," or stories that go "well for us _ but for one system we know _." We're very careful not to spread misinformation or bite off more than we can chew. 90% of our answers are just telling people what it's like for us and prefacing the information with "It's different for everyone, but for us it _" The rest is correcting information people learnt from TikTok or talking about pieces from the DSM-5-TR.

Just wanted to clarify that we're very careful not to spread harmful misinformation, or even misinformation in general.)

To end this off with something funnier (I'm losing steam and this is getting long, anyhow) I think it's HILARIOUS how some of these people will genuinely, genuinely try to gaslight you into thinking you aren't disabled. To loosely quote some REAL conversations we've had on there;

"Bro you're making this up go outside"

"Going outside will cure my mental illnesses? Wow! Why didn't my therapist tell me sooner?"

"Get a job"

"I have one."

"No you don't. And you don't have a disorder."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"My therapist disagrees with you."

"He doesn't exist."

"She, actually."

"No."

/

"Is this a real disorder?"

"Yes."

"Proof?"

"DSM-5-TR."

"What"

"The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It's basically the main guidebook psychologists use to diagnose people."

"Okay but are these people certified?"

"As I said, it's how official/legal diagnosises are carried out. It contains the information needed for professionals to do their jobs."

"Okay but are these people real doctors?"

"...I don't know how to further repeat to you that it is THE main book used by mental health professionals globally, it's what TEACHES "real doctors.""

"Yeah but are they certified?"

I wasted nearly ten minutes on this guy as he tried to convince me the disorder does not exist.

[systemihardlyknowem]

Being a lonely system is like

"Wow ! We sure do need to put ourselves out there and try to meet other systems^^"

And then its like

Endos around every corner

Syscord and Tumblr are the main options (shudders)

Cool system that you'll never get the courage to say hi to

Fellow traumagenic systems and then they're pro endo

Most perfect server or blog ever and then they've been dead for 5 years

Undercover endos trying to "change your mind"

Not pro endo but they're racist or a pedo or something

[Shoutout to all the cool systems we've met though!! Thx for not making this a hopeless endeavor<33]

[systemihardlyknowem]

Hey, I'd love to be friends ! I'm another system with CRK and forsaken sources and who has a couple of 'harmful' mental disorders that make me a bit of a toxic person sometimes but I'm constantly working to try to be better. Regardless I'll understand if you have a freakout because I can have them myself involuntarily. Just know that we prefer not to have fictives/alters interact until we've been established friends for a little bit! Personal preference so we don't get instantly attached to someone who runs off, sorry. Can I get your Discord?? :::3

Ah, do not worry about those./gen We have "dealt with" people whom have needed our consistent attention for over 72 hours with no sleep while insulting, belittling, or threatening us off and on due to severe episodes they had and having to deal with alters of theirs who despise everyone and were therefore violent to us. And we do so happily for anyone we care for!

If that is any indication of our "endurance." We do not give up on anyone easily! Though I entirely respect your choice to approach friendship cautiously˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

We will leave our Discord and Roblox in the replies of this post and will delete the reply if you decide to friend request us, just because we don't want some people finding this blog. Thank you for sending an ask!!₍₍⚞(˶˃ ꒳ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾

[systemihardlyknowem]

Previously, one of our middles had posted this in the incorrect place, so I am remaking this post. -🟪

Looking for friends! Details below.

°❀.࿔‧What We're Looking For₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

✿ 16+ friends, preferably. We have severe mental issues and get uncomfortable with the risk of displaying said issues around younger friends.

✿ This may sound odd, but preferably, people of mental illness levels deemed "too much" in typical friendships, or of "high maintenance trauma." We are not only used to this, but also oftentimes "too much" ourselves, and would do well with people we could relate to.

✿ Those we can play Roblox or Minecraft with frequently. Preferably Regretevator, Forsaken, drawing games, Write a Letter, cozy games, PIAFOS, or Grace.

✿ People who do not mind excessive clingyness. We get attached incredibly quickly and offer a lot of affection and personal details without resistance.

✿ I honestly won't care if you're toxic and manipulate/gaslight us just please care about us please please you can hurt us as many times as you want, people like doing it, I just don't want to be alone. We're easy to manipulate if that's what you want you can have it. It's better if you just hurt us because I don't know what to do with myself if it doesn't hurt. -anon

°❀.࿔‧About us‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

✿ Bodily Age: 17

✿ Way to contact: Reply to or reblog this post, send an ask, or DM us, and we will DM you with our socials.

✿ Socials: Discord, PluralSpace, Roblox

✿ Our alters who are looking for sourcemates/friends!

(Be aware some of them are DSMP. We do not support the DSMP, aside from Technoblade, and our fictives are already very, very ashamed of this source. We discovered we were a system years after already despising the DSMP, so please do not make "average 2020 system" jokes about us. It is exactly why we thought we were a singlet for so long.)

🌷- One of our middles, its whole job is to act as a younger sibling towards the system, but has issues with its role causing it to latch onto external found family (all of which have been bad people thus far). I know it would appreciate a system or friend who is safe to be around and attach to.

🟪 - An Azurewrath [Source: Forsaken, Roblox] / Looking for any sourcemates, really. I wish to be able to properly recover from source, finally. A Two Time to be ***friends*** with, would be truly lovely for the sake of recovering in a healthy way.

🪴 - Another Azurewrath [Source: Forsaken] / Our paranoia, abandonment issues, & general mental instability holder. They deal with most of our spirals about everyone being out to hurt us or kill us and are scared of near everything and everyone. Could certainly use a positive influence to feel safe around

🌲 - [Source: GASA4]

🌈 - [Source: Wings of Fire]

🪙 - [Source: Forsaken & a YouTuber] / Another traumaholder, get this guy some decent friends...

🌩 - Telamon / DXD [Source: Forsaken & DSMP] / He says he does not want to front or meet anyone. He is a liar, as our beloved cookie has found out through much persistence.

🫐 - Shadow Milk Cookie [Source: CRK] / Preferably looking for minions or fellow beasts/ancients

🌟 - Noli [Source: Forsaken & Fanfiction, college AU]

✿ DNI: Non-traumagenic "systems", Radqueers, Spawnists (unless you're recovering/need help recovering), Zoos, Those in support of incest, Pedos, Racists, Ableists, Homophobes, "Transracials"

[systemihardlyknowem]

Another post into the void that will probably be a long shot- I really want to make a story game on Roblox. I have a lot of games I want to make, but being restricted to an iPad and a tablet doesn't leave room for much. I figured I could try looking for some friends or resources, maybe?

I have the writing and the art down, I can 3D model pretty okay (examples below) but don't have good programs for it. The art piece is about a year or older now, an old concept for a game. I'd love to be able to bring it to life, I really would. If anybody has any resources or tips for making story games, or would let me gain experience by trying to help work on a game- I'd so, so appreciate it! Also if you could point me to any community spaces, if nothing else. Thank you to anyone who could help.

All I'm really looking for is advice on where to get started or get experience off of my very limited tools. Even if all I can do is practice smaller things until I have a computer.

3D modeling example (not that I understand how it works but I sure understand shapes!) and an art piece over a year old.

[systemihardlyknowem]

Being a fictive is, to me, one of the worst fates that could happen to someone. I see my face everywhere just to be reminded, it is not _my_ face. It was a face designed by a hand that does not know I exist.

That is all that I am, a design, a character, the same as my own doodles, and yet, I am not that at all. I am a broken fragment, a remnant of a child that never grew. I am memories of a life constructed by some writer.

I walk around as myself and get accused of being an imposter. These memories, these feelings, they are all so real... yet someone made them up. Two someones. The writer and the brain that decided to take their character.

I have traumas I will never find peace with, people I will never meet again to make amends with. Sourcemates can be lovely, but they are not the same as my memories, not the same as what I lost but never had. It would be better, at least, to be brainmade. Even with false memories, then I would not have the discomfort of fandom. Of the creator.

I would not have to sit and think that all of my pain, every shred of these memories, is due to what they made out of passion. I would not have to look around and witness people talk about me. I would be able to use my own name without being called a cosplayer or roleplayer. I would at least just be me. But in this body, I will never be me again.

- Jacaranda

[systemihardlyknowem]

Posting this into the void feels like a long shot but... does anyone know how to go about befriending other systems? Like... is there any easier way to do it than waiting for people to respond to sourcecalls? We've tried so hard to meet new systems but even the few times we manage, we end up not having more than that first conversation.

It just feels really hard to find people and all we really want is friends to play games with and share fun stories with and text:( Just goof around and stuff, I guess. If anyone has any places we could look to, we'd appreciate it sm!!

(Don’t ask about the name because I don't know either. Why are we this now. What)