Hurry! Call your mum (After reading this post though).
“Take care of yourself”. Those were my mum’s last words to me. An uncanny representation of the selfless life she led. What stands out to me the most about that conversation is my response to her. I remember replying something to the effect of “Me? You’re the one in a hospital bed”. It was a very Hollywood type of response but even back then, Film and TV were my only frames of reference for those types of uncharted territory moments. As I stood there, faced with several facts and emotions I strongly wanted to dismiss as fake, this “manufactured” response was the only thing that felt real to me.
11 years (to the day) and few things still feel real. There are some days when the pain is so visceral that you want to shutdown and there are days when you almost forget, which in turn leads you to hating yourself for getting to that point. Most days though, you are in an in-between state which is the most difficult of all. There is no manual for this shit.
The one thing that remains though, through it all, is how she made me feel. The things she did, her life of service, the lengths she would go to for her family and how all these things affected the man I would become. That is what I am inclined to write about. I am not going to eulogise my mum because I could do that forever. I would rather use the space to praise our mums.
Using some of my favourite TV mothers (because Film and TV blog, duh!), I’ll examine our mothers for the incredibly awesome human beings they are. As for anyone unfortunate enough to also be in my situation, I hope to remind you why you love her and why/how she will also be a part of you.
The Villanueva women (Jane the Virgin)
There are few things more pure than a mother’s love for her child. While it might seem the bare minimum that a parent loves their child, there is something transcendent about the love a mother has for her child. It might sound clichéd but clichés are clichés for a reason. This kind of complex, raw love is not displayed more honestly anywhere else than among the women of Jane the Virgin- Alba, Xiomara and Jane Villanueva.
The kind of love that can go from a screaming match one moment to teary apologies the next. The kind of love and friendship not only between grandmother/mother/daughter but also between 3 adults all within their rights to make their own decisions, mistakes and arrive at their own epiphanies.
As many of you reading know, that adult relationship is an invaluable one. One that can provide you with the clearest advice and infuriate you in equal measure. To take this type of love/relationship for granted would be the greatest mistake anyone could make.
Rainbow Johnson (Black-ish) and Elizabeth McCord (Madam Secretary)
Being a woman is difficult and being a working mother borders on the impossible but so many of our mothers do it and do it flawlessly. As Elizabeth McCord (Madam Secretary) and Rainbow Johnson (Black-ish) prove, our mothers are most times the smartest people in the room but know when to show it. They take their natural empathy, selflessness and all round incredible attitude into the workplace, which only provides the best results. However, no matter how difficult or stressful work gets, their priority always remains the family they have at home and for this we are forever grateful.
Mary Cooper (The Big Bang Theory/Young Sheldon)
Whether you are spiritual or not, there is a certain comfort when you know someone is thinking about and praying for you. Even when faced with constant scepticism from her atheist son (Sheldon Cooper), Mary, is steadfast in her belief and continues to pray for her son. That is very commonplace with many of our mothers. They continue to pray for us and wish only the best for us even when we are not doing so ourselves. And as Mary constantly did, our mothers see only the beauty in us, even when (especially when) the rest of the world would rather highlight our flaws. And also like Mary, our mothers might not always be politically correct (!)
Cersei Lannister and Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones)
Now wait. Hear me out. Cersei might be an all-round terrible person who would rather let her people die than swallow her pride and fight alongside her contestant for the throne (I clearly have a lot of feelings on this) but her one (only?) redeeming quality would be her love for her children. From Cersei’s point of view, everything she’s done, she’s done for them.
For the purposes of this post, Cersei and Daenerys are probably more similar than they are not. Both show (admittedly to an extreme degree) what mothers are willing to do for their children and the lengths they will go to protect their family members (Start a seven-kingdom war?).
Claire Dunphy (Modern Family)
Would be almost impossible to write this post without including one of TV’s longest running mothers. Every COC (child of colour- Yeah I’m out here coining new terms) on some level can probably relate to the intricacies of Julie Bowen’s overbearing, know it all, micro-managing Claire Dunphy. Those were the lenses with which we viewed our mothers for so long until we took part in this whole adulting thing and could see more clearly where it was all coming from. Their immense love for us and concern for our future manifested in these traits we hated but now cherish.
Sure, Jessica doesn’t have children of hers but honestly after years of dealing with Mike, Harvey and Louis, are you really going to contend with me on this?
Jessica not only reiterates the point of being the smartest person in the room, she personifies it. She shows that no child is ever too smart, too old or too successful to be put in their place. Something most of us learnt from an early age, but sometimes need reminding. She is always on hand to put out any fire even putting out some before they start. She is also not above letting a fire burn to see how they deal with it.
OG Status: The first Aunt Viv (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
During Janet Hubert’s run as Aunt Viv (Seasons 1-3), the Banks family was blessed with one hell of a matriarch. Smart, funny, woke, stern but approachable. She showcased a side to the black woman/mother that wasn’t commonplace on TV at the time. She also perfectly embodied many of our mothers. To this very day, watching any of those episodes, I never fail to see my mother in her. She showed that many mothers, especially MOCs (Mothers of Colours- yeah feel free to make that a thing too) were incredible, strong, complex beings and she quite frankly was a combination of every value I have spoken about in this post.
I love my mum and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. For anyone who has lost someone as close, you know how difficult it can be. You also know how precious the time you spent with them was. You look back on the memories with such fondness and sometimes it is just enough to get you through the day. What is lasting, as I mentioned earlier, is the impact they have on you. That can never be erased and as much as I wish I could spend another day with my mother, I am eternally grateful for the years I spent with her. I am grateful because she has permanently made me a better person.
So, no need to procrastinate it, go ahead, call your mother and tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her.
But just in case, to all mothers out there, I say a heartfelt thank you.
R.I.P Izevbua Martha Imoukhuede
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