Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
taylor price
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Stranger Things
Not today Justin
d e v o n
𓃗
blake kathryn
ellievsbear
Today's Document
macklin celebrini has autism
Peter Solarz
Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
#extradirty
sheepfilms
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
untitled
seen from United States
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@tablewhiskey
No Love Like Self Love
Friend's GF: Do you like being single?
Me: That's an odd question, but yes. Do you like being in a relationship?
Friend's GF: Yeah, I do. Because I love your friend.
Me: Well, that works out then. Because I love myself.
I knew I overdid it that weekend because, on Monday, I had a beer with lunch and then treated myself to an afternoon vodka. My side started pulsating so I poured out the vodka. I watched it circle the drain like the end of 'Fun Alcoholism' and the start of 'Alcoholism Vanilla.' Great
Me
"I was shit-faced on vodka and ended up doing a duet of 'Let it Go' with my roommate's girlfriend. Neither of them seemed happy about this.
Me
Sex Drives and Narcissism
SETTING: Hungover at work, grappling with sex drives and narcissim.
Me: How did you like my selfie with that girl (who I have a crush on)?
Friend: It seemed like she was happy to be around you. I mean, maybe she’s not climbing on your dick, but seemed pretty friendly.
Me: Yeah. There's no way she wants to fuck me. We do get along, but I was thinking about it and we really aren't that alike.
Friend: A good conclusion to reach as opposed to not knowing.
Me: I guess. I'm still attracted to her, but I know we would make a shitty couple.
Friend: Well that’s something.
Me: God, I want to fuck her though. I guess it’s not all about me though, right?
Friend: #Progress
I love you, vodka. You taste so good and let me feel emotions.
Me
Pickup Lines: what's your best (or worst)?
Setting: A bunch of guys drinking at the apartment of our lady friend, in the upper west side. We're drinking delicious beer.
Girl: Let me ask you guys a question: what was your best / worst pick-up line?
Me: Well, I don't know if this counts as a pick-up line, but I'm batting 500 for "Do you want to go have sex?"
Other guy (laughing):...really?
Me: I swear to God! One time it worked very well...and the other time it didn't.
Girl: Wow.
#MeatHangover
Alcohol hangovers I can handle. But meat hangovers? No thank you.
I feel like there's a full grown cow in my stomach trying to get out.
Drinking. No one said it would be easy.