SATISFIED AND GUILTY AS HELL.

Sebastian Smythe, but no need to act like you're surprised. I'm your regular millionaire playboy stereotype trapped in the hell known as East Bellbrooke. I'm counting down the days until I get back to gay old Paree, but until that glorious day, call me if you're looking for a good time.

[tabulasmythe]

↳INSTAGRAM @tabulasmythe uploaded a new photo.

I guess today was #ShelterSaturday. Merry belated Christmas, @jacquelynmoreau

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[tabulasmythe]

To those of you who were invited to my New Year’s Eve party, first of all, you’re welcome. To anyone who missed the memo or simply weren’t invited... Well, you have an entire year to get or stay in my good graces to score an invite for next year.

Normally I’d be in Paris at this time of year but considering the recent events of how horrific our world is, I’m stuck in the Smythe mansion all alone for another two weeks. And I’m bored.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: Manny? I don't know if he deserves that, but it solves the mystery of why he kept poking his nose into my business, whilst managing to make me feel even more uncomfortable.

Sebastian: He does.

Sebastian: I'll pick you up after school.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: I especially hate that this surprise has to happen. You don't need to thank me, Sebastian. It's just part of the boyfriend job description.

Sebastian: The only solace I can take from this is that Tequila Tuesday is behind bars.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: I know you well, but I haven't quite mastered reading your mind yet. I'm currently in the process of packing, though.

Kurt: Is there anything I can do?

Sebastian: You'll get there. I know you hate surprises, though. Thank you.

Sebastian: You already have.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: Why, where are you taking me?

Kurt: I saw the news. I realize it's probably a pointless question, but are you okay?

Sebastian: You know me so well and yet you're still asking questions.

Sebastian: The lakehouse, if you must know.

Sebastian: No. I'm definitely not okay.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Sebastian: Pack your bags.

Sebastian: Enough for five days, I'd say.

[puckerup]

Everyone’s asshole is south of the border, ‘cept those people who talk outta theirs like you’re starting to. Why you hating on my boy?

[tabulasmythe]

I’m going to go ahead and make a wager that if someone blatantly said that your twin from the East side was sexier than you, and hit on Jazz every chance he got, you wouldn’t exactly be endeared to him, either.

[kaceywhitaker]

Have you read Half-Blood Prince, otherwise known as Harry is going to spend all of the chapters wondering what Draco is up to? Let me just cue up the Willie Nelson to set the mood. Would you like to find out?

[tabulasmythe]

It’s my favorite book for exactly that reason. I think you’d have to ask my boyfriend, first.

[emilysinclairs-blog]

That’s incredibly unlikely, Sebastian. My father is very much alive, and very much not a king.

[tabulasmythe]

You could have been adopted.

[k-hummels]

I knew it, although I could’ve done without the party. Any suggestions on how I can give you exactly what you want for Christmas so I can keep up this trend?

[tabulasmythe]

I think you already have.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: Even though it wouldn't be true?

Kurt: I do?

Sebastian: I hope it's eventually true.

Sebastian: Yes. Does that surprise you?

[tabulasmythe]

Name three followers that you would kiss under the mistletoe.

The only person I would kiss under the mistletoe is Kurt. Sorry, everyone else.

[tabulasmythe]

[k-hummels]

Really? I wonder what that could have been… Was it a party and Hershey’s?

[tabulasmythe]

Mm, those definitely added to the ambiance.

[tabulasmythe]

TEXTS || KURTBASTIAN

Kurt: Hopefully they'll be the end of it. It's nice not having to read about who I'm supposedly sleeping with.

Kurt: I don't choose to. I just happen to know you well enough to know that you're an amazing person, and most definitely not bad news.

Sebastian: It's nice not to read about that, either. Unless they say you're sleeping with me. Then it's fine.

Sebastian: You surprise me.

[kaceywhitaker]

A Sydrian is one of my favorite ships of all time, just slightly below Drarry and Deamus. Wow, it’s like you think I have cooties or something. That’s hurtful.

[tabulasmythe]

I can definitely get behind Drarry. Draco definitely wanted on Harry’s dick. Not that I can blame him. You don’t have cooties. Or do you?