#! honesty

[feyhyunwoo]

do you think you could say you love me someday?

the question is surprising and he blinks at hyunjin for a moment, his eyebrows arching silently as he takes in the question. it’s more surprising to him that hyunjin is asking this question at all, honestly a little ashamed that the other feels the need for it. has he not shown his hand well enough?

“i’m sorry,” he says softly after a few moments, “for making you wonder that.” realizing that his words could be taken the wrong way, he continues on with barely a pause. “of course i’ll be able to say it.” he tilts his head slightly, a small smile spreading over his face, fond and warm. 

 don’t you know i’m already half in love with you? he wants to say, but he thinks that it might be coming off too strongly. hyunwoo is not afraid to express his emotions, not when he knows that no good comes out of it. it’s been over a hundred years — he knows who and what he wants, and he’s firm in his decisions. “when you’re ready to hear it, i’ll say it.” he says, and here, his voice takes on a slightly playful tone, his eyes crinkling up into crescents.

mentioned // @feyhyunjin

[feyhyunwoo]

Is there someone you want to protect?

"yes.” there’s no hesitation in his voice when he says that. there shouldn’t be, after all. 

hyunwoo is a familiar. it’s literally within his nature to protect and guide, and for someone with hyunwoo’s personality, it means that his protection is often extended to those outside of just his bonded witch. 

the number of people he would lay down his life for — literally, even. his family, both biological and bonded. a revolution of smiling faces that cycle through his mind — they’re always smiling, when he thinks about them.

although now that he’s bonded with donghyun, the young witch will always take priority. hyunwoo can no longer endanger himself in the process of protecting another, because their lives are intertwined. but the lengths he would go to, to keep his family safe? limitless.

“i think it would be stranger if i didn’t,” he adds with a faint laugh.

mentioned // @feydonghyun, @feyhyunjin, @feyminsoo, @feyeunji

[feysebin]

do you love me?

[ trigger warnings: emotional manipulation ]

love. 

love is such a funny word, isn’t it? it’s only four letters and yet it carries such depth, such importance, such weight. love carries so much on its shoulders and bears the heaviest burdens when it is genuine. and yet, at the same time, it’s so easy to have the words mean absolutely nothing. 

for sebin, though, the words mean so much. does he love sungha? 

the answer, unequivocally, is yes.

and in a way, perhaps that, too, is a product of what sungha has done to him. would sebin, in his right mind, aware of everything that sungha had engineered behind the scenes, still say that he loved sungha? no one will ever know.

but sebin loves sungha. he does. sungha is his saviour, his best friend, his guardian and protector. sungha is always seeking to make him stronger, to protect him from the world around them that is aggressive and wants to hurt them. there is no doubt in sebin’s mind that sungha is the most important person in his life after he’d reawakened. 

he’s not quite capable of wondering why sungha is the only one who knows about him.

there aren’t words to describe just how much sungha means to sebin. the other has become more than just a friend, but almost the centre of sebin’s world. so the paltry question of love? 

easy. 

mentioned: @feysungha

[feyhyunwoo]

What do you regret the most ?

there’s a moment of hesitation as hyunwoo takes in the question, his eyebrows furrowing slightly and his usually calm expression twisting slightly. there are a lot of things that he regrets. but for him to pinpoint the one thing he regretted the most? that would be a difficult question. 

he wracks his brain for memories of the past century of his life, everything that had happened in what felt like both eons and the blink of an eye, all at the same time. 

but oh, there’s one thing that stands out. one thing where he hadn’t even been the one to pay the biggest price. one thing where he could have done better, maybe even saved them years of suffering —

“i’m sure there are things i’m not considering,” he finally says with a small, heartfelt frown. “for the time being, i’d have to say that what i regret the most is not being able to protect minsoo better.”

mentioned // @feyminsoo

[feysebin]

what do you miss most about life before you "died?"

sebin doesn’t remember a lot about the life he had before he died. it feels like they’re locked behind hazy gates, barriers that block off access to his clear thoughts, and it constantly feels like he’s swimming through a pool of clouds — insubstantial and yet so stifling. 

but he remembers the warmth of bodies pressed up against him, the cooing of voices in his ears, the press of lips against his forehead. and he aches for that, from time to time. it’s okay for the most part, his memories buried behind all the other things that call at his attention, distracting him from ruminating on the things he misses. 

if he had to verbalize it now, he probably wouldn’t be able to. he can’t quite put his tongue to the word that would encompass the feeling that he misses, distantly though it is. he misses the warmth in his mother’s hugs, the feeling of his father’s hand ruffling his hair. he misses jisung’s hand in his, a silent squeeze saying more than he needs to know.

a third party would say that what he’s missing is affection. 

mentioned: @feyjisung

[feyhyunwoo]

What drew you to donghyun? Why did you wait so long for him when you could have found another witch?

[ trigger warnings: death ]

all of his witches have been exceptionally special. there’s more than just an arbitrary choice when it comes to a familiar bonding with a witch, and hyunwoo, as a generational familiar, is even more picky when it comes to successive witches. haneul had accepted his offer of partnership and that had come after they had known each other for several years, feeling connected at the soul before finally taking the final step when she was nine. the same age as his own sister. she was young but she had known, and hyunwoo had taken care of her faithfully until the day she died at 80. 

minsoo had drawn him in amidst the wake of grief and loss that had followed haneul’s death. if it hadn’t been for minsoo’s spirit calling to him, signalling their compatibility even as haneul weakened. if he hadn’t found a suitable witch, he thinks he would have let his life end with haneul’s. but minsoo had been there. 

in the wake of minsoo’s abrupt loss, the rupturing of their bond that had left hyunwoo alive — he wished at the time that it hadn’t, it would have been easier to bear death than the hole that his bond with minsoo had left — had been when donghyun had called to him like a flame flickering in the darkness of his life. donghyun had been bright, pure, and so very kind. 

why had he chosen donghyun? when hyunwoo thinks about it, donghyun had been a light in the darkness, calling to him with his pure soul. although he thinks that he probably could have gone to another family, he had loyalty to haneul’s family. the more donghyun grew up, the more hyunwoo had been sure that donghyun was the one he wanted to bond with. there could have been other people, but donghyun was the one he wanted to protect. 

mentioned: @feyminsoo, @feydonghyun

[feysebin]

if you were given the choice, would you still choose vampirism over death?

[ trigger warnings: mention of death ] please note that sebin is an unreliable narrator!

if sebin’s heart could still beat, perhaps it would have stuttered a moment at that. would he choose vampirism over death? vampirism hurts and it’s difficult to keep under control. he feels like a child more than ever, but would he have preferred to be dead over the second chance that someone had snuck upon him? he honestly isn’t sure. vampirism isn’t all that bad, he thinks, he has sungha and it hurts sometimes, but not as much as when he was human. he heals faster now, and the pain usually passes more quickly. 

sebin is used to a life of pain, after all. it’s never been easy for him, and it’s normal, now. he misses his family, but they think he’s dead. he hadn’t understood for so long what was going on, until sungha had finally explained it to him — he had died and had been turned into a vampire. 

he thinks that he would choose vampirism over death. even though it still hurts, it’s still more of a chance than he had with an early death sentence hanging over his head. he has eternity to learn new things now, doesn’t he? 

( he doesn’t want to think about what will happen when sungha ages and leaves him alone. )

he never questions the perfect timing of the witch. he never suspects that the person responsible for his fate now is the very person he views as his saviour. maybe if sebin knew his situation more, he wouldn’t pick vampirism again. 

mentioned: @feysungha