“I know,” she smiled, though it was smaller and sadder than those she typically wore, “he would.” She always missed their friend, but found herself thinking more about him this time of year. When everyone was together at once, it was hard to ignore the gap he’d left in them. She didn’t talk about it; she couldn’t shake the thought that it was selfish. Everyone else was hurting too, especially Hiro, and to see Tadashi as her loss felt wrong. It felt wrong to try to comfort Fred, too, knowing that no matter how much time passed, the pain wasn’t going to magically go away. It got fainter. The shock wore off and she stopped forgetting she couldn’t pull her phone out and call him up whenever she wanted. She could look at his pictures now without crying. It got fainter, but it was always there.
“He’d probably tell us we better suck it up and eat twice as much for him.” It felt like just yesterday he was laughing with them. Just yesterday and a million years ago, too. She wished she’d hugged him tighter, held on longer. She had no way of knowing it would be the last time. “I wish he was here. It sucks. As hard as I try to sugarcoat it, I can’t.” With a small sigh, she laid her head on Fred’s shoulder and closed her eyes. It didn’t feel right to force a smile and go back inside. For a moment, she thought, maybe it would be better to sit in the sadness together, to stop playing pretend. “It sucks.”
