event: vocal training
location: vocal practise room, sphere building
date: february 18th, 2019 // 9:25pm
the start of the year was hectic, and only seemed to get more so upon rome’s departure. one day, he was there, the next, poof, gone. it had been hard, seeing one of their own leave, and noticing that empty space in the dorm where he used to be. it was so sudden none of them had had any time to prepare, and even now, weeks later, ten still felt that gap.
ten and rome weren’t that close, but ten remembers the night he cooked pad thai, and they sat and ate together, getting to know each other, breaking down that wall of stranger-ness. ten missed him more than he thought he would, when he poked his head round the door of what used to be yixing, yien and rome’s room, only to see rome’s bed stripped and all his belongings gone. that was really the moment it hit him that rome was gone. living with someone for over a year, and then them suddenly disappearing really threw a spanner into your routine.
but, they had to move on, and smile like nothing was wrong. ten knew he’d get over it faster than some of the other boys who’d been closer to rome, but he still noticed his absence. he noticed it when they were given the lines for their new song to rehearse, and ten was painfully aware of how there were no lines for rome. it was soon out of mind though when he noticed his single line, and sighed, shoulders slouching just a little.
he’s not had much to practise since they’d been given the lyrics to their new song, but still, sat dutifully in a small, single person vocal practise room, feet up on the table as he tries to make notes on the lyric sheet. he has a single line, which he practised over and over until he practically sang it in his sleep. the only other time he sang anything was the chorus, which wasn’t as much singing as it was shouting with a slight tune.
he can’t complain too much though, he’s a dancer, not a vocalist, despite how much time he put into improving his vocals. he just hopes that the dance has a part for him to at least get some screen time. he knows he not a popular member, possibly one of the least popular, but he wonders whether he’d even get any more attention if he had more lines and screen time - unlikely, he thinks, it’s his own fault he’s not popular.
eventually, he lays his head down on the table, thinking about how much he wants to just lay down and sleep right now. he’s been cooped up in the vocal practise room for hours now, listening to the demo track over and over, singing his part again, and again, and wondering whether he’ll ever get more time to shine. this isn’t want he really thought being an idol would be like - being able to perform on stage, and listen to fans screaming, though rarely screaming for you, so often not hearing your name screamed even once during a performance.
ten’s seen the netizens talking about hyun, and yien, rome and kibum. he wonders how the netizens took rome’s departure (not well, he supposes). ten’s only seen himself mentioned once recently, and that was to out him and johnny. it had made his stomach churn and palms sweat when he’d seen it at first, but thankfully it had never gotten any attention, and no one else had caught onto it and tried to take it further.
it surprised ten how little he cared about himself being found out to be in a relationship, and a gay one at that. he more-so worried about johnny, and how it could affect him, and his future. ten might be disappointed with how idol life is going at the moment, but he didn’t want to get johnny in trouble over his sheer lack of caring for the situation.
he sighs, standing from his chair to stretch his arms over his head, thinking about the vlive scheduled for later that week. he’s practised his self intro, and his special talent, but has pretty much assumed he’ll not be called on for anything else - they’d likely focus on the popular boys, like hyun, kibum and yien. no matter how much he seems to work on his charisma, his dance, his vocals, his rapping, none of it ever really seems to do him any good - he always ends up in the background. at first he didn’t think he minded, but now, he thinks, he craves what the popular boys have - they have fans who talk about them and post pictures of them and love them.
do i even have one fan who isn’t my family or close friends? he thinks.
probably not, he concludes with a sigh, sliding his back down the wall until he’s sat, knees curled to his chest on the practise room floor. tugging the hood of his hoodie up he sighs, leaning his head on his knees and closes his eyes for just a moment, craving a moments rest.
debut. it’s so close it’s tangible, and they’re in uncharted territory. their showcase date looms, two weeks away. it’s closer than it’s ever been, but kibum knows that these next two weeks will probably feel like some of the longest of any of their lives. for now, at least, he’s still in familiar territory -- this weekend has been spent in a photoshoot for their album jacket, and for kibum at least he’s still in his element. modeling is something he has experience with, after all, so he’s settled easily into his usual role as leader and role model for the others.
he lounges on the floor of their current set, an open-air courtyard. there are several photographers flitting around, and for now they’re telling convex to just act natural, like they’re just all hanging out together around the courtyard. kibum sits with taeyong, watching as most of the others take part in a seven-person game of rock-paper-scissors, two photographers moving around them and snapping pictures. kibum can see the others going between the small pairs and groups of the remaining members, snapping candid pictures of them all hanging out together.
taeyong is looking the other way, and he thinks he has the right angle for it, so kibum reaches to taeyong’s opposite shoulder and taps it, moving his hand away quickly. the idea is that taeyong will hopefully look to his right, towards the shoulder that kibum tapped, before he realizes there’s no one there and kibum must have done it from his left. as kibum pulls his hand back from tapping taeyong, he hears a snapping sound behind them -- a photographer is getting an angle of his little trick.
so, i disappeared for a while - had to take a break for personal reasons, but i’m back! it seems i’ve missed a lot, but i’ll give a little overview of everything as it stands now surrounding groups and the mga4 finals.
the finals of the mgas was last night and let me tell you all i’m surprised, disappointed, and a little pissed off. but, before i get into that i’ll just say i’m happy for kim doyeon - she was strong throughout the whole show - i liked her and i’m glad she ranked as high as she did. what i’m not happy about was who won. let me tell you this now, in no way do i have anything against kim junmyeon, apart from the fact he seems too cocky, but good god i have no idea why he won.
his singing is alright, his stage presence, i’ll admit, is striking, but you need more than some average vocals and good stage presence to be an idol. his dancing; mediocre, voice: alright, looks: alright, stage presence: great. to me, that doesn’t make a winner, that makes a solid ranker. i’d have given him seventh place. he’s got potential, sure, but he isn’t at the level i’d expect of a winner.
i also want to point out that that kid, lee minhyung, had bigger balls than pretty much all the other contestants, and i’m baffled as to why he ranked twentieth. he had the skills, he had the flare, he was exciting, and i’m starting to think mnet had something against younger contestants.
anyway, enough of that, i’m annoyed enough as it is.
now, luxe debuted finally, and i enjoyed their album immensely - i can’t give an in depth review at this moment in time, as i’d need to look into them more, but for now all i’ll say is i’m proud of those girls, and how hard they’re working. their debut went well and they’ve shown great performances in their promotions this month.
now, for eclipse - we’ve been introduced to taeyeon, anna, minji and blue. again, as i’m not a big girl group enthusiast, i don’t have a lot to say on them yet, though i do love anna; she looks adorable. other than that, i’m looking forward to see what they’ve got to offer. they seem to have a summery vibe, which will be nice i’m assuming they’ll be debuting in autumn, it’ll bring back that last leg of summer for those who miss the sun!
finally, convex! we’ve met all the boys, and episode one of project convex aired last week, so we’re well on the way to debut, i should think. i’m still somewhat undecided on a bias, it keeps changing! right now i’m really enjoying taeyong and royal (no surprise there), but romeo sure is about to rip off my entire scalp.
that’s all for now, i’m exhausted and the bf’s calling me for our date. anyway, i’m excited to see what else comes of the recent happenings, but for now, that’s all beibeis!
event: september evaluation // press interview refreshment course
location: sphere ent. building
date: sept. 18th // 3:04pm
since the august evaluation life had been interesting. it seemed people were keeping a closer watch on him, making sure he was trying to eat, and that he wasn’t wandering around the dorm in the middle of the night, pacing and trying to practise choreo in the living room at 3am. at first, he’d been irritated that he wasn’t given his space to do what he wanted when he wanted in what should have been his personal time, but he knew it was out of concern really.
preparing for the press interview for september’s evaluation was, initially, worrying for ten, until he realised most questions would be directed to members like hyun, kibum, rome and yixing. ten wasn’t in the spotlight as much, he was a background member for the most part; they wouldn’t ask him too many questions, and any they did ask would probably be simple, easy things.
eventually, the refreshment course came and ten filed into the room behind the other members, sitting with the dance unit and letting his eyes scour over the cameras around the room and the microphones pointing their way. surprisingly, none of it bothered him; he felt strangely at ease. cameras didn’t scare him, nor did flashing lights - somehow he’d become numbed to it, to being watched.
the questioning starts, and ten sits, back straight and forced smile on his face - he’d spent hours staring into the mirror, trying to perfect his fake smile, to make it look real, just in case he wasn’t feeling smiley when he had to put one on for the public (which he imagined would be often). eventually, though, as it inevitably would, the question lands on him, this one a loaded question, probably intended to elicit a heavy response with deep meaning - but ten knows how to make it funny, how to make it a cute, quirky question instead.
“if you could have your fans remember one thing about you, what would it be?”
ten smiles, putting on a thinking face as he reaches out mentally for the prepared facts, and answers he’d tried so hard to learn over the past year to help him in these situations.
“i’d like them to remember that i’m the cutest in convex, after taeyong hyung, of course!” his smile’s sugar sweet, accompanied by a light laugh, yet it’s all very fake - he hasn’t smiled so brightly, nor laughed genuinely, in quite a while.
his answer seems to go down fine - it wasn’t a perfect answer, he’s sure, but it’s forgettable thing; no one’s going to get anything negative out of it unless they try far too hard. it’s playful, as he wants his image to be. ten wants people to see him and think he’s cute, a little cheeky, and playful - one of the ‘fun’ ones, who likes to mess around and have fun, because that’s who the real ten is.
not who he is at the moment, sad and reserved, plagued by worries and insecurities.
he receives another question a little later, this time similar to the last - an easy question with a very clear right and wrong answer.
“are you currently dating anyone?”
of course ten can’t say yes, he has to lie, as all idols do. he’d come to realise just how much lying was involved in being an idol, and nearly none of what you saw from the outside was real - every idol had to be a good liar, be able to get away with hiding everything about themselves, even hiding that they might hate one of their group mates. you’d never know, from the skill they put into their fake smiles and forced friendliness.
“of course!” he answers with a bright smile. “i’m dating all the fans! every single one of them!” with a playful wink at the nearest camera he laughs, once again, then hands the mic to the next person.
it’s all fake, and forced, but ten knew it would be. it’s not something that makes him want it any less, just a new aspect of idoldom that he has to pay attention to now, and realising he’s going to get the behind the scenes view of being an idol makes him excited, in a way, getting to know just what life is really like for the people he used to look up to when he was dreaming of being where he is today
of course when he thought of how he wanted to be a dancer in an idol group, he never imagined how drained, lonely, anxious and stressed he’d become. but now, he supposes, it’s all part of the package - you can’t be an idol if you’re not suffering, it would seem.
candles flicker, their light spreading a warm glow around the bathroom. laid out on the edge of the bath are oils and creams, ready for the night of pampering ten had set up for him and taeyong. spending each day on your feet, singing, dancing and altogether performing, putting energy into being likeable and charismatic can take it’s toll, so ten had suggested to taeyong that they lock themselves in one of the dorm’s bathrooms for the evening and pamper themselves silly to get rid of their aches and pains and to catch up on all the recent gossip they might have heard.
“tae! hurry up! bring your towel and a cushion to sit on.” shuffling from their shared bedroom to the bathroom, arms laden with things he’s sure they’ll need, ten urges taeyong out of the bedroom and into the larger bathroom, shutting them in and locking the door behind them. “d’you like it? look! i even got us this!” reaching behind the trash can he pulls out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses.
“it’s been ages since we had a good gossip, and what better than a night of mani-pedis, face masks, and boy talk?” dropping onto his own cushion he crosses his legs and gestures for taeyong to sit, hands already busy with a bottle opener, struggling to tug the cork out. “so, tell me - anything interesting happening with you lately?”
event: convex showcase
location: yes24 muv hall
date: june 30th // evening show
the afternoon show went well, ten thinks; the audience were responsive, and seemed to enjoy their performances. he might even risk a guess at saying they may have gained at least a couple fans from the showcase, but the evening one was more important to ten - the one his parents and friends were coming to. everyone was busy during the afternoon showcase, so the evening was packed full of family and friends, those who were trainees having come from a long day of training. so, stepping out onto the stage for the first song, alongside the other boys, ten’s heart hammered.
this was the first time his mum and stepdad would see what he’d managed to make of himself since becoming a trainee only a year ago. johnny had seen him perform before, but it had been a while since then, and he was nervous to show off how much he’d improved, despite knowing he had in fact gotten better. he simply had to do his best and show all he was capable of, not only for his family and friends, but for the audience members who didn’t know them - this was their chance to be known, to gain fans and to be somebody.
the music starts, and ten’s heart, though hammering, fills with a prickling, electrical excitement, his eyes scanning the crowd as he begins the dance, weaving amongst the other members, each of them moving like well oiled cogs in a machine, their movements perfectly in sync, formations spotless. their voices, clear and loud, filling the hall. ten realises, in that moment, that he’s going to look back on this day as the first day of his career - now they’re publicly a group, though not officially debuted their faces are out there, their voices, their debut song, they might as well be debuted at this point.
people are going to talk about them, it’s inevitable, and despite them not being officially debuted, it’s officially the end of being a nobody - he’s a public trainee for now, soon to be debuted, and it’s still not sticking, still not seeming real, despite it being right there, at his fingertips. the audience interacting, some shouting their names and screaming in support.
ten spots his family, at one point, and beams so bright his cheeks hurt, his movements only filled with renewed energy as he locks eyes with his mum. then, seconds later, he spots johnny, and it takes all his energy to pull his eyes away, to focus on the performance, because he knows johnny is infinitely more distracting than his family, and he can celebrate with him after the performance.
as the song comes to a finish ten finally lets himself scour the audience for other friends faces, waving to the audience as a whole, before he hurries off to make room for the next group to perform, his breathing laboured, but his smile unwavering.
the familiar voice, sounding clearly like a child’s but somehow loud enough to echo through the whole section of the street, has kibum freezing where he was bending to pick up more fliers from the box they brought with them. he straightens up and turns toward the voice and sees a small, familiar figure running towards him.
“jooyeonnie!” he exclaims, moving forward before realizing that she’s too close already and kneeling so that the girl can jump into his arms. “what are you doing here, sweetheart?” kibum asks with a wide smile, standing up and spinning around with jooyeon in his arms.
“we came to see you, kiki!” the girl replies, giggling as she grips kibum’s neck.
“ugh, you’re heavy!” he exclaims dramatically as he hefts her higher onto his hip. in reality, she’s not that heavy, not after all the working out kibum has been doing in training for so long, but she’s significantly larger than she was the last time he saw her.
“i’m six now, oppa!” jooyeon proclaims proudly.
“what a big girl!” kibum replies with a grin. “where’s hyoyeon and umma?” he asks next, and she turns in his arms to point back the way she came. sure enough, kibum’s sister and mother are standing there, beaming at him from a few yards away. he can’t help but laugh in glee at the sight of them. “i didn’t know you were coming, hyo!” he says as they get close, and he isn’t surprised or upset when hyoyeon wraps her arms around both kibum and jooyeon in a sudden hug.
“you think i’d miss my brother’s first showcase? no way!” she replies with a grin as she pulls back. “and with sphere, no less! who would have thought?”
kibum chuckles, remembering hyoyeon’s own time in sphere, before she was briefly signed to royal. “not me, that’s for sure,” he replies, shaking his head.
“we’re all so proud of you, kibum,” his mother says, and kibum sends her a soft, grateful smile. “you guys have plenty of water, right? you’re not staying out in the heat too long?”
“we’re fine, umma,” kibum replies, and his mother cups his face in her hand, examining him closely. he doesn’t stop her, knowing that she worries about him and cherishing this unexpected family reunion too much to put a stop to it. jooyeon, however, is soon wiggling in kibum’s arms.
“i wanna meet the other group members!!” she insists, and kibum laughs and puts her down.
“alright,” he concedes, taking her small hand in his. “but don’t run off, okay? we don’t want to lose you in the crowd.”
“‘kay!” jooyeon responds, already tugging kibum to the box of fliers he’d abandoned a moment before, where woohyun is now standing, watching kibum interact with the girl. kibum gives him a small smile and a shrug as jooyeon drags him over, excited to meet one of her oppa’s friends.
hi again beibeis! let’s get this review of the rappers of CONVEX on a roll quickly as i’m headed out soon! these boys were particularly eye catching, and that’s saying something coming from someone who usually doesn’t pay all that much attention to rappers.
so, without futher ado, here are the convex rappers!
bone structure 👌🏻
as good as his rapping is he didn’t stand out to me all that much - not to any fault of his own, though, he’s just not my type. he seemed a little shaken at the very start of the unit performance, but i think that’s to be expected from a predebut groups first show. he did really well though and showed a lot of charisma towards the middle and end of the performance. sadly, my attention is rarely caught by rappers, but maybe he’ll win me over later, we’ll just have to wait and see.
mr muscle aka yu barom
i’ve definitely seen this guy before - who could forget the man who turned down a contract after winning the mgas in season 2?! he’s still as handsome as he was back then, and i was pleasantly surprised when he appeared, and not just because of his muscular body which was surely enough to earn him a few fans. not only does he have a great body but he’s good at what he does too. i’m not expert when ti comes to rapping but he surely sounded good to me. good to see you again, mr muscle, i hope i’ll be seeing a whole lot more of you!
eyecatcher
if any of the rappers caught my eye it was this guy. he’s got some very distinct features, and i’m more than sure he managed to accumulate a significant amount of fans already, maybe even more than mr muscle, despite the distinct difference in total body mass - in comparison to yu barom, this guys pretty slender (though could for sure be hiding a chiselled figure for all we know). his rapping, to my non-rapper ears, sounded good; he had nice flow, and has a very suitable voice that’s nice to listen to.
ice ice baby
so, this pretty boy seems like the type to come off as scary at first glance, from his icey gaze, but his smile can really brighten up and deflect that conclusion - he seems pretty soft if you ask me! something about his smile and seemingly boundless energy really seemed to carry the whole performance. i’d chance it to say he might be the youngest of the rappers - that or he’s just super energetic and charismatic. his voice is really distinct from the other rappers, and he manages to stand out well with his unique voice, so i’d say, for one, i’m really looking forward to seeing more of a rapper!
SO THAT’S IT FOR THE RAPPERS! i’m obviously not as invested in rappers as i am singers and dancers, so sorry if this is a rather wishy washy post, i don’t want to give criticism if i don’t know what i’m talking about, but i dd think they all sounded very good, and they do a good job as rap line for the group.
that’s all from me, keep tuned for the dancer unit review, beibeis!
