he approaches her on the first day of filming, before everything gets underway. there are staff running around everywhere, and kibum has only just been dismissed from the makeup chair, where the makeup noona chatted his ear off about how amazing his skin is, and how lucky sphere is to have so many visuals in their new group. the showering of compliments led to kibum feeling confident and happy, even if it sounds shallow. he’s grown up since the time when he chased shallow validations like that, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate them now.
he met rachel at the height of that time, though, when his insecurities and anxieties overwhelmed him so much that he put up an overconfident front, to hide his anxieties from both the rest of the world and himself. it’s been over six years since he met rachel, back when he was so alone that he moved all the way around the world without leaving anyone behind.
looking back, it seems like it was always inevitable for them to come together, but kibum still hates the way they fell apart.
he can’t help but look for her now, knowing that she’s gotten a featured role in the music video, knowing that ironically enough, she’ll probably end up with more screentime than him. that doesn’t bother him as much as the fact that they’re still not on speaking terms, though. he’s lost count of how many times he’s clicked on her name in his phone, preparing to send a text about some funny thing one of the convex members said or did, before seeing the short, to-the-point messages they exchanged when seonho was in the hospital and remembering that she’s not there anymore -- not for him.
they’d known they would have to break up. that’s the part that kills him -- they knew it was coming from the moment kibum entered sphere. it was building for six months before everything fell apart, but he never expected them to fall apart so horribly. after everything, even with all the stress they were under, he never thought things would get so bad.
and now, over three months later, kibum can’t take it anymore. he misses rachel -- in a romantic sense, of course, but mostly just in a general sense. they were best friends long before they were ever anything romantic, and he sometimes wonders if their relationship is what led to them ending so disastrously. but regardless of what’s happened over the last year and a half, he can’t help but miss his best friend.
so he approaches her when the makeup staff leaves her at her chair. there isn’t anyone else close enough to overhear them, but there are still people milling about -- convex members, other female trainees, and staff members move around everywhere, either waiting until filming starts or rushing around to try to get everything ready to film. nobody pays them the slightest bit of attention, though kibum does sweep his eyes over the room as he approaches, just to be sure.
“hey,” he says, rubbing the back of his newly-blonde head with one hand, being careful not to mess up his carefully styled hair. “i, uh...” he swallows, suddenly unsure of what to say. i miss you sounds like too serious of a way to start out this conversation, and the last thing he wants is to fight with her again. “congrats on the featuring role,” he says after an awkward moment, looking into her eyes and trying to convey with his own a silent apology, trying to extend an olive branch without saying it aloud.
even after everything, she’ll still be able to read him like a book, especially now, when he’s opened himself to the most private pages to let her see, to show her just how honest and sincere he’s trying to be. he doesn’t want to hide anything from her, doesn’t want anything else to come between them.
all he wants is his best friend back.
