#;roboticflower

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"I'm so tired of missing you."

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My head knows, but there's no convincing my heart.

Mickey Guyton

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Aftermath || Drabble

@technoheart

Home. She was finally home. Well-- As much of a home as an apartment in a strange city could be. She'd been here for almost a year and suddenly it was strange all over again. As if she'd just arrived that morning and these streets and bus stops that she'd traveled a thousand times were all fresh and foreign and threatening. Because HE wasn't here anymore.

Long braided hair was falling down, her knees and arms were scraped, and as she closed the door behind her--her legs finally failing her as they'd been threatening to do since the fire had first started--deep brown eyes fell to the soft flesh of her palms.

Soft fingers that had held onto Hiro tight enough to stop him from going into the blaze after his brother. Soft fingers that hadn't held onto Tadashi quite hard enough. Because he was good. Too good to leave people alone in that fire. Too good not to go rushing in without a second thought.

These soft fingers that had caught Hiro's small body and held him against her when the blast had thrown them both back; that he'd grasped to stop her when she'd gotten up to go after the love of her life. They were just too soft. Far too soft.

Sliding down the door, the tears started, tears that she'd been holding in for hours. Frightened and sorrowful as they rimmed her eyes a red that she would not show anyone. They skated down her cheeks and dripped from her chin as her whole body curled in on itself, doing its best to sink into the very grain of the polished wood floor. Because she didn't want to be here without him. She didn't want to feel like this.

This was the first night. The first night she cried herself to sleep on her hallway floor, and far from the last. But even if she didn't want to, even if she was sad and sore and stiff, she didn't stay there. She still got up the next morning and washed her face, Tadashi's laughter whispering in her ears as ghosts of days they spent together haunted her. Echos of a life that was gone.

Even so she got dressed, pulling on her bravest face as she pulled her hair into a long plait down her back. Making her way to the Cat Cafe just like she did every other morning. Because Hiro needed her. And Cass needed her. And oh how she needed them.

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I'm learning how to live without you even though I don't want to.

Mallary Hope (Love Lives On)

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Headcanon: Nightmares

For years after Tadashi’s ‘death’ and reappearance, Jasmine has nightmares about that night and him not being there anymore.

At first--before he came back alive--these dreams would wake her up crying and she'd have to make herself some tea and watch some late night television to distract herself for a little while before attempting to go back to sleep.

More than once she’s woken up and rolled over just to make sure he’s still there and she panicks a little bit in the morning when he gets up before she does. When this happens, she usually ends up laying there holding her breath until she hears him moving around making breakfast or getting ready for the day.

Before they were living together, she would call him after these dreams, needing to hear his voice. During their brief break up, she readopted her habit of making tea in the middle of the night.

[aviscaptum]

He's left a small bundle of chocolates--made with help from Aunt Cass--for Jasmine, tied off with a pale green bow. It's White Day, after all!

It shouldn't have made her cry. This little parcel of confectionary affection should not have moved her so, and yet she felt the familiar feeling of tears welling in her eyes; tanned cheeks flushing as dusky rose lips pressed into a thin line.

And it's all she can do to smile; bowing down the slight difference in their height--he would surpass her soon--and kissing his forehead with an affection that only an elder sister had.

The tears slipped down her cheeks, but her trembling smile never faltered--for him she would never falter. It was a moment before she took a deep breath, henna stained fingers coming up to wipe away her tears as she muttered a soft exclamation in her native tongue.

"I'm sorry Hiro" She managed a laugh around the lump in her throat. It had been a month and a half since Tadashi had broken up with her in that hospital room, she should have been past this, right...?

"You give me a present and here I am crying!" Wiping her cheeks once more, she wrapped him in an almost too tight hug--because what if he left her too?--her voice soft and a little too heartfelt.

"Thank you, Hiro, it's wonderful."