Well... tumrblr isn't therapy. I have to learn this somehow once and for all. Not broadcast my vulnerabilities.
I need an outlet. Do I? Or therapy? Already taking anti anxiety meds but I'm not sure if working and may actually be detrimental (I haven't had this much self harm impulse for a while... which isn't saying too much severity wise but still. Also harder to get up and may be making me feel bad even earlier in the day! What if it messes up my ability to feel good in the morning! Things start out good usually then go downhill. I sent theDr. A message. I already stopped one anti anxiety med bc my heart was like 114 bpm when sitting still for a while).
Need something. Idk. Everything is hard. Emotions unstable and i panic easily and spiral easily. Like today. Again. Idk if I have a disorder or what. I feel so helpless and often hopeless. When I think what I want vs what I have the capacity for. when i try to get there and fail miserably at the SMALLEST step. 😞
Is there any solution. I feel like i am different from everyone even mentally ill ppl... I don't fit in with anything, I'm unique but not in a good way
In any case... I can't expect tumrblr to help me. Help as in distraction maybe. But too much temptation to vent. 😞 why.
I see others talk about their issues and they get sympathy, ppl gently attempt to help. I have gotten some of this. But. At this point ppl probably tired of me, everything is the same and I say stupid stuff. I'm toxic. Why are they following? Idk.
I really can't expect anyone to help me. Ppl don't want negativity. I've got to somehow figure out things. I like tumblr and it has seemed more of a home than other places but. Can't let it be a solution. Bc itisn't. Idk what is. .
Maybe I should go off for a little while. Something. I have to have self control to not post stupid personal stuff no one cares about. I don't want to be a spectacle. Don't want to be known for this
It's just I have so many emotions and with such intensity if I don't express them in some way-- idk what will happen
