🍺 do you ever regret leaving?
missing sam has become like second nature. in class, hutch remembers the way he could laugh with his whole body. at lunch, he wonders what sam might think of the idiot next to him. too much money, too little brains. in his dorm, hutch thinks of how pleasant it would be to turn and see him half asleep trying stay awake only for hutch’s sake.
this is not homesickness. he does not miss blackrock, not much of a home anymore anyway.but the days went easier with the memories of those he left behind held close to his heart.
it takes him three whole months before he finally caves to his classmates and goes out with them. it’s a mess of a saturday, and hutch ends up more drunk than he cares to admit. there are shots passed around that he doesn’t pay for, and he definitely does not make out with his classmate who had been hitting on him the entire evening out. he does text clover to ask if he should, with a picture of said classmate attached. ew. is the response received thirty minutes later, so he calls it a night.he staggers his way home, and ends up a puddle in his bed.
tomorrow he’ll wake up with a hell of a headache, and no idea where the fuck he put his pants. but it will have been a good night. he will have felt normal, real.
but at two am, his brain can’t stop missing sam. can’t stop missing home and what could have been if he never had left. and maybe, maybe all this was a mistake. dreams weren’t real anyway, and what had he sacrificed to fuck up his?
he dials the number out of habit, sam is always there when he’s drunk. the answering machine is not a surprise.
“hey.” it feels treacherous in the quiet of his apartment. he breathes in, deep and slow, “i miss you.”