#(being dramatic again)

[nxght-shxft]

i hate my job so much someone please stab me in the sternum so that i may not return 😭🙏🙏

[dearings]

i know it sounds dramatic to say my chem saved my life when i've been into them for less than a year, but they've been with me through finally finishing school, breaking off an engagement, getting sober...i think they're still saving my life right now

[chippersweetbaby]

[nemotoself]

change for qyrhu, body for faro, time for tevuuk AND (because I must) dance for all three?

Thank you, squirrel! <3

Change: if they could see how much they've changed over their life, coming face to face with a past or future self, how would they feel?

Oh wow yeah, that’s A question for Qyrhu.

The Qyrhu of say, Onslaught onwards (37+ yo), has had to deconstruct a lot of Empire induced beliefs he held, has realized he doesn’t want to go back to the Empire, has had to face his disillusionment with it, and the identity crisis that followed. He has also managed to get over his wounded pride and his fear of appearing weak and work on his mental health (a bit. Not that he’s figured everything out, but he’s had to accept that he is not powerful enough, not unreachable enough not to fail on some major points of his life, and that reaching out and receiving help from other people can be very necessary in the process to get better).

Put that Qyrhu in front of his early class story self (22 – 24 yo) who is all about getting ahead, playing the power games, hell bent on conforming to the image in his head of what a Sith must be, putting his all in the war effort. They’re going to look at each other and both disapprove. This is really not what his younger self wanted to turn into, some washed-out weak traitor. Fucking embarrassing. What is he busting his ass for all these years, huh??? He will deny this to be true.

And the older self is sick of this self-absorbed idiot. While there are things that he is still proud of, and he will not be going around all remorseful either way, he sees many of his failings, the many ways he made himself blind or callous or miserable. And what disquiets him the most is that he doesn’t know if he has changed all that much. How easy it is to slip back into some of it. That’s… he wants to look away so bad. But he can’t quite allow himself to do it.

Also, he briefly marvels on what a tough bitch he had been, how did he do it back then, how did he manage, he’s getting old… (burning out and never entirely recovering is what actually happened).

Neither of them cares to be sympathetic to the other. Both are like: Stop embarrassing me!!!

Body: if they were made physically unrecognisable, what would they do?

On a practical standpoint, Faro would find this useful. Especially once she’s trying to get out of the Empire, suddenly looking completely different without all the hassle of a generator (or however those eagle network guys and Hunter do this) would make things much easier and less costly.

However, she would mourn her old body. She hasn’t always had the easiest relationship to it, sometimes she felt like her body dictated too much about what she was, how other people treated her, and resented her body for that. But she and it worked hard to find a comfortable accord, and now you take it away? That’s just rude! She’s probably not going to give it up without stabbing someone about it if that's at all possible. But she would eventually get with the times and adjust to the new looks. What’s one more thing, am I right??

P.S. Ok, maybe she would take it worse if it was the mind control plus her body being different at the same time. Like that might make her snap for good this time. (Hasn’t she already snapped? – Yeah, but, even worse, trust me.

P.P.S. I first tried to talk about her cybernetic implants, but although those changed the feel of her body, they haven't brought much physical altering.

Time: how do they feel about aging? do they worry about lost opportunities or miss experiences they can't go back to?

Tev hopes to get old and well set up. She can picture herself, liver-spotted, probably bald, smoking one (1) expensive cigar per week (just one, get off her ass, Risha), humbling the young’uns at pazaak, giving solicited and unsolicited advice in merc bars, knowing she has nothing to prove anymore, stars, that’s the life she’d want. Unfortunately, it sometimes feels like a pipe dream. Although her chances multiplied, unreachable still. Even among the stars it’s a brutal world. A brutal world heralds a brutal end. Every year she gets older is a step towards this dream, and that is a win to her. Financial stability has also a lot to do with it, and as that starts being a thing, growing old doesn’t seem bad at all to her.

She does worry about losing opportunities constantly but it’s all about her business, making bad calls, missing out on clients, overlooking a forming coup, stuff like that. Personally, she feels like she got farther than any possible other version of herself ever could, feels like she has cashed in on every nine lives or however many a Zabrak gets. She's not missing out. Sometimes, she gets brief vertigo at having gotten this far (it’s very brief but it’s there).

And I think everyone has seen my dancing monkeys (you had to, and I am eternally grateful :))