#(g)raveyard posts

[horrorinthegraveyard]

my dm just asked if dark content was okay for our campaign and my initial response was ‘i read violent serial killer murder non-con fanfic for fun there is no fictional limit for me’ and then i realized i may have to reel in my enthusiasm a bit

[horrorinthegraveyard]

oh i forgot to tell you all our last dnd session all of us got kinda drunk and the DM got a bit too excited and when a bomb went off shook the table and spilled his cosmo spectacularly 

[horrorinthegraveyard]

I’m having an... issue and I’m making a post just to think out my thoughts because idk it helps more than writing in a journal and IDK why.  

Anyway I’ve met someone that... okay so I’ve identified as ace for ever and a day and I’ve met someone that I’m.. I think I’m sexually attracted to them, genuinly, not just their attention and it’s so overwhelming and I don’t know how to deal with it?  like I’m in a poly relationship, and i’m not sexually attracted to my longest term partner and I’m not attracted to anyone else?  Even for the guy I was obssessed with for years was veying for his attention and not sexual interest but like.... i don’t know if this is real or if this is just... the thrill of getting to know someone new? and i’m scared about what that means for my primary relationship because I love him and i don’t want to hurt him but this is just.... is this what regular people feel??  Is it always this intense??? Always this unperformative need????  This is terrifying 

[horrorinthegraveyard]

GUESS WHO’S THE DUMB BITCH WHO FORGOT WHERE THEY LEFT A WHOLE ASS CAR AND CALLED THE CITY LOOKING FOR IT

[horrorinthegraveyard]

“I will harness the infinite energy from a black hole just to shove it up your ass” is a real sentence one of my partners just threatened someone with

[horrorinthegraveyard]

For the Ohio Renaissance Festival Fantasy weekend I’m going as an autumn forest fairy and my friend is going as a Forest Protectress and like our character are dating tbh

[horrorinthegraveyard]

Let see... I’m tired and bored... Why not... vent.....

It really sucks when people say you need to talk about a traumatic thing when you’re functioning because maybe it will improve my standard of living in the long run, but it doesn’t stop this feeling of disgust and turmoil now.  It doesn’t negate the fact that my quality of life will decline sharply at the beginning and it sucks because I’ve worked to hard to cope with it all now.  To reassure myself that the csa was really that bad and I’m not being dramatic about a couple of kids playing doctor.  To figure out how to accept that my parents love me, and I love them, but they were abusive and how to exist with those seemingly dichotomous ideas at the same time.  To come to terms with my feelings of otherness and outcast in my family. To understand the gravity of my life.  To find pride in myself and who I am.  It’s taken so much work and time to find that and I will feel the need to prove to someone else the things I already know.  It just.. not worth it. 

[horrorinthegraveyard]

I’ve had people comment recently about how they think I’m like... really together and shit and like... I guess?  I cope well most days because I’m trying to live my best life.  I’ve only got one and it’s no use being bent and tattered about it.  It doesn’t stop my depression, or my anxiety, or past events from happening.  I still am anxious 2/3 of the day.  I still go in and out of depression.  I still have to deal with the repercussions of abuse.  But like... I can also eat cake.  I can also look tacky and love it.  I can also go do whatever I want because honestly? as anxious as I am, I don’t have to really worry about other people disliking me more that I dislike myself.  I’ve started to figure out what I value and after that, things get easy because if I just stick to what I value, I won’t regret much.  It took 24 years and I’m still struggling but I’m also getting better.