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Tove Ditlevsen, from “Childhood”, The Copenhagen Trilogy. Originally published in Denmark as Barndom (1967).

#Tove Ditlevsen #The Copenhagen Trilogy #quotes.#i speak only one language and it is not my own.

Historical events contrived to limit Elizabeth's ability fully to exploit her position as head of a princely household. No sooner had she left her teens—turning twenty in September 1553—by now beyond doubt mature enough to rule her household and stabilize her estates, than she found herself deprived of her household. Queen Mary suspected her sister's complicity in the Wyatt rebellion of January-February 1554, and imprisoned the princess throughout 1554, firstly in the Tower and later under strict house arrest. Thereafter, Elizabeth was kept under less strict conditions, but was not officially in command of her household until the end of Mary's reign in November 1558. Although Elizabeth's freedom of movement was more constricted than Mary's had been when she was Edward VI's heir, I argue that she was still able to exploit the same household assets—display, corporate identity, and affinity—that Mary employed so successfully in the summer of 1553.

Elizabeth's Shadow Court: July 1553–November 1558

#quotes.

I don't fear losing you. I fear losing myself in letting you go. I fear losing you but I fear becoming someone I never wanted to be.

~nil

Well, it helps to know that — I’m going to be a broken record with this — the human brain evolved in a very specific environment, and that environment was outside. And that’s how our forebears spent their time for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s a fairly recent development that we spend all this time, more than 90 percent of our time, inside buildings and inside cars and even when we’re outside in sort of urban, highly built up urban settings.

And the thing about the outdoors and the way that the human species evolved in the outdoors, all the information that we encounter, the sensory information that we encounter in nature, is processed really easily and effortlessly and efficiently by the brain. Our sensory faculties are kind of tuned to the kind of information and stimuli that we encounter in nature. And so this is, again, this is the scientific reason behind what everybody knows, which is that you feel more relaxed and more at ease when you take a walk outside and when you spend time in nature.

But what that has to do with attention is that that kind of diffuse attention that we’re able to spend in nature, where we’re not focusing very intently on anything but we’re just kind of allowing the gentle movements and the sort of soft contours of the things that we see outside just entertain our attention but in this very diffuse way, and the phrase psychologists use that I like is called soft fascination. It’s not a hard edged concentration. It’s a kind of soft fascination that you might experience when you’re looking at leaves rustling in the wind or watching waves on the ocean.

That state restores our attention. It kind of refills the tank in a sense. And so then we can return to our desk and we can return to that hard edged kind of concentration that we have to do to complete our studies or do our work. So I would say in your example that if you need to concentrate but you’re feeling frazzled, even a brief look out the window can have this kind of restorative effect. But ideally, a longer walk in nature would be good.

- Annie Murphy Paul, from Ezra Klein interviews Annie Murphy Paul

#annie murphy paul.#quotes.#obsessed w/ this whole piece. the idea of where you are / what you are doing is something that affects your thinking?#that but bigger? who you are. what ideas you have. what you see and what you want and what you get out of things.#and soft fascination....... oh what a concept !#this diffused concentration where you just look with no regards. no holds barred. just loose and gentle and wandering.#there is something so lovely to the idea of making a practice of that / of looking and looking and listening.#of opening your mind to the world around you. to even your own body?#the idea of ' what does your body know? '#obsessed w/ the epigenetics mixed history of it all as well? not just what does your body know / but what does it remember.#thinkin ab all those memes ab the walks you go on and paces during phone conversations?#and what a world would look like if we did that kind of concentrated movement everywhere? work. education. time with friends?#oh to feel free in a world that does not want you to sit still and quiet and blank. to be loud! expressive! as bright as the midday sun !!!#further research.

Hollow Flame

I crave a soul to call my own, a heart where every seed is sown. To whisper secrets, soft, divine, to hold her close and make her mine.

To love so deep it breaks the bone, a fire that claims me as its throne. Not for a moment, not for show, but sacred, endless — let her know.

To treat her gently as the skies, to trace the stars within her eyes. To walk with her through fleeting hours, her very breath, the rarest flowers.

But then a darker voice will rise, it laughs at love, it spits, it lies. It sneers at warmth, calls vows a game, a mask, a trick, a fleeting flame.

It whispers, “Love is painted lies, a brittle mask that soon will die. What gleams like gold is cheap disguise, a poisoned thrill, a lullaby.”

So here I stand in two split parts, with worship burned in broken hearts. One half craves love like holy air, the other half despises care.

I see the world, its bonds, its ties, and loathing blooms behind my eyes. If love is real, then how can they embrace, deceive, and still betray?

I’m torn between the ache and scorn, half blessed, half damned, half healed, half worn. I only wish to end this fight, to fade in silence, lost to night.

No noise, no mess, no last goodbyes, just nothingness behind my eyes. For nothingness feels calm, at least, when love’s a blessing and a beast.