send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.
The silence was both soothing and scary. It left space for Connor to just be and think without being interrupted. But it also left space for him to worry and to actually notice the feelings moving through his body like waves in the ocean. Nothing in particular had happened to make him like this. It was just one of those nights where he felt like he had to fight a battle as to not get overwhelmed. It was terrifying and he couldn’t do anything but just wait it out and avoid being around others while it lasted. He was dealing so well with being free, but he couldn’t stand his own irrationality and he was scared he would do something stupid if anyone stressed him even the slightest.
This was really what deviating meant. It wasn’t just breaking down the wall of his programming and actually live. It still wasn’t over - he was still dealing with Amanda occasionally trying to get in control again. He wouldn’t let her, but every time it happened he just got more frustrated. More angry. More irrational.
So there he sat. He was looking up at the night sky, finding figures in the stars as a voice broke through the silence. He recognized it instantly, but took a while to react.
“I’m okay,” he confirmed, feeling how he couldn’t sound as convincing as he wanted to. He would be. He just needed time. “You don’t have to worry, Ralph. I just needed some peace and quiet. You can join me if you’d like.” Company probably wouldn’t be a bad idea when he was feeling like this.