they've done so much practicing and preparation for their stages that when it comes time to take a break, vanessa is almost one of the first out of the room. just to get out and see something else other than the practice room; maybe a snack at the vending machine or just a walk around the building. it's about time to eat, so maybe she'll get something for her stomach too.
she's perusing the options in her head as she crosses down the hallway, and lingering near the turn of the hallway is a somewhat familiar face. not around trc though, that's for sure-- so the knowledge of his presence hits her sense and she smiles pleasantly as she begins to approach.
"well that's a face i wasn't expecting to see around here." she muses, a grin beginning to tug at the corner of her mouth. "minho, right? i'm not too good at remembering names. i promise i know who you are though~" she chirps brightly. "how long have you been roaming around these halls?"
she practices a lot this month. if to give herself something to do, and not settle into the domino effect of thoughts overthinking will do to her. so after a session of dancing, she peruses into the cafeteria tiredly, hood pulled over her head as she goes to purchase a bottle of water and a small snack. after, she swings her goodies by her leg as she walks through, but pauses when she sees the familiar form of chanyeol. he isn't facing her, which brings a slow grin to her mouth.
she approaches cautiously, as quiet as she can-- and she's sure she looks a bit silly, reminscent of a predator about to pounce on prey. once she gets close enough, she slaps her hands on his shoulders and raises her voice, "what are you munchin' on?" she says in english, leaning over his head to flash a grin at him upside down. "boo, did i scare you?" she teases, before straightening her form and moving to plop down next to him. “ooh, whatcha got? can i have some?” she bats her eyelashes at him playfully, grin sharpening as she laughs.
they’re filming for their debut music video. they’re actually filming something-- they have a song recording and a dance and it’s really happening. vanessa is overwhelmed by the thought of it, quiet and thoughtful and stressed as the days pass by and come closer and closer to the final day. shifting on the set, she looks over the staff and cameras place around them--gearing up for the next round of shots. vanessa shifts, reaching down to adjust the hem of the dress she’s wearing. she grimaces when she straightens back up, arms crossed loosely as she moves over to where yubin is standing.
“unnie, we’re really here~” she sing songs softly, flashing her teeth in a grin as she comes to pause where the other girl is. looking back over the cameras and then the set, she returns her stare to yubin with a warm grin. “and we’re looking pretty great too, if i do say so myself.” she bats her eye in a wink at the other, nose scrunching up with the force of her smile. “though the mirror scene is kinda freaking me out.”
even though the dorm itself is relatively a new concept, something new to have to get used to-- it’s not entirely too much out of the norm. it’s just sharing an apartment with six other girls, or shoving as many people in a hotel room as possible to be cheap on paying for it. it’s not something entirely new to vanessa, so she’s falling into the norm quicker than she’d expect. the only thing that sucks is that when she lived with her brother, noel would often fix the things she broke-- claiming she’d only make it worse or something else. so when things go wrong, vanessa has to clean up her mess.
“what rotten luck.” she scoffs, staring down at the bottles of water that had fallen from the fridge, to the dislodged shelf in her hands that had popped off the door of the fridge. irritation stems at the back of her head, making her nerves twitch constantly. she squints her gaze at the fridge door, then tilts her head towards the entryway as she hears rustling. looking up, she catches the sight of doyeon, and lets out a happy noise. “doyeon-ah?” she calls out, a slight whine to her voice. “can you help me? the fridge decided to fight me and he lost.”
between the dance routine and the choreography for both news and no playboy-- vanessa doesn’t know which one she likes the most. they’re all different styles, different difficulties. she thinks that the dose one has a lot more dance centric poses and movements, whereas news is a bit more complicated with the idea of singing along with it. no playboy seems to be the easiest to her by far-- but none of them are really easy for vanessa. she’s still struggling a lot more than the other girls, even if she’s improved from the beginning.
raking a hand through her hair, she bounds over to sejeong, tossing her arms over the other girls shoulders. she nuzzles her cheek into the side of the girl’s head, letting out a low him. “sejeonggie.” she greets cutely, turning her face to give the younger a kiss on the side of the head. “my cutie! how are you holding up with the dances? better than me, i hope.” she jokes, swaying the two of them side to side. “which one are you feeling the most? i really like news? that might be because it’s our debut, but i don’t know...no playboy too, but that’s because i’m catching on more to that choreo than dose or news.” she pouts at the statement, but it’s gone as quickly as it came, replaced by her grin.
after several run throughs of the choreography their learning, vanessa lays on the ground for a long moment. she stares tiredly up the ceiling, chest heaving to catch her breath before she groans. pushing herself up with her elbows, then her hands to straighten her into a sitting position, she brings her legs closer to her, crossing them as she enjoys the few moments of a break they’ll receive before it’s back to dancing. it’s not nearly as hard as it was before; she’s improved, and she’s much better than when she started, but she’s no where need joy or doyeon level yet.
looking over to joy, she lets out a small hum. stretching out her legs, she places her feet on the ground and attempts to drag herself closer to the girl. she’s sure she looks comical, similar to a puppy rubbing their butt on the ground, but she continues until she’s closer to the other girl. looking up, she cracks a grin, cheeks red. “i bet i wouldn’t have been able to do that before.” she muses, snorting. bracing herself on her hands, she leans her head back. “our lovely joy~” she sing songs. “do you like this choreo?”
trigger warning: dissociation, lots of crying lmao, brief negative thoughts.
there’s a lot buzzing around in her head when she makes it home after evaluation review. it’s-- it’s a lot to take in. she’s passed, she’s made it; she’s going to debut. after years of work, after these past few months of working herself down to her bones, she’s finally made it.
well, not made it. but she’s claimed as official, and the rest of the girls too; they’re a group of seven-- and she’s the leader. she’s main vocal and the leader and it’s never felt so incredible. never felt so exciting; never felt so draining.
her feet drag as she pulls herself into her apartment, tosses her bag to the ground as she closes and locks the door behind her. her back presses against it, slumped as she stares, unfocused at her feet. she’s numb, she’s not; she’s excited, she’s terrified. there’s so much going on, there’s so much to take in, so much to focus on.
there’s the muffled sound of the television from the sitting room, and noel’s voice echoing a greeting that she doesn’t quite hear. she breathes out through her nose, the action harsh as she wraps her arms around herself. she’s shaking, she’s trembling; her heart is beating a mile a minute. she’s going to debut, she’s going to debut; she’s in the official lineup for a debut, once again.
“nessie?”
she blinks, slow. her head lifts and her gaze focuses in on noel, peeking his head around the couch cushions to peer at her. she watches the expression on his face shift and change, watches the panicked motions of him getting off the recliner and stumbling towards her. his hands are extended, and she’s confused; his eyes are wide. she can’t bring herself to speak, a lump in her throat, a pressure on her chest. but noel does it for her, his worry and concern clear in his voice. “hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
what’s wrong? there’s nothing wrong. she’s ecstatic, and maybe she’s scared. but she’s going to debut. there’s not a single damn thing wrong-- but noel moves, and he’s frowning, tapping at his own cheeks for a gesture.
when vanessa follows the motion, her cheeks are wet, and there’s the strangled sound of her breathing; shallow and quick, small little sobs that were muted to her own ears. her hands are shaking because she’s crying. she’s crying because she’s so happy and she’s tired and she’s been thinking she’d never make it this far. she can only be confident for so long before she starts to doubt herself.
noel’s a stronghold when he hugs her. he’s grown taller, the little brat, and she feels small and fragile when he hugs her. her fingers are gripping too tight on his shirt, a shuddering breath leaving her. a smile curves on her mouth, her body trembling and noel’s panic is clear in his voice. “no, wait-- hey, stop crying, noona! nessa, it’s okay. it’s okay. did something happen at training? did you get into a fight again? did they say something that--”
“noel.” her voice is low. it’s choked, clogged and it doesn’t sound like her. “noel, i’m so happy. i’m-- i’m so happy.” and then her breath is shuddering, and she’s full on crying. scrunched eyes and shaking fingers and strangled sobs that have been waiting months to see the light of day. and noel just lets her, quiet and pensive as he lets her release all the emotions she’s been holding back; every big of negative emotion released through tears that’s been causing her to suffocate.
it’s the first step of many more; but at least she’s made it this far.
