#*naia

[pimpmyaravel]

incredibly #emotions about merrill

also petra, but like, that's a given for me, still, mostly merrill

also there's a bit about naia and naia/isabela at the top there and a brief heron mention and a bit abt maddi's aras who i also love

casimir:

i pretty much always sort of base my characters on their optimal romance based on who i'm going to romance?? like partially take inspiration for them from. that. basically?? maddi:

I DO TOO OMFG

like from the get go aras was gonna be Dorian's bae That is how aras happened

casimir:

and like there's plenty of other contributing factors obviously in no way is anyone sculpted to be The Perfect Partner

maddi:

'Gotta get the tevinter booty - need a boy elf for that' casimir: 

but like. heron was crated to be a cuddly comforting dad type who was extremely pro mage and very protective of family and people he cares about and like predominantly actually pretty anti-violence but has no problem with violent acts for a cause that helps people in the long run

maddi:

But then of course I fell in love with aras and like. His romance is almost a side thought at the moment casimir: 

so heron's character is very big but it was all originated from like. make someone who would be perfect for anders petra i didn't specifically craft this way but after i was developing their character more they turned into like

having always had a fascination with dalish culture and being very spiritually questioning and having turned from what little andrastan faith they once had after ostagar and the sack of lothering bc having gone through all of that they kind of decided that if the maker WAS real that he was a fucking asshole and that they had no interest in serving them maddi: Petra sounds hella

casimir:

they're incredibly caring and very fierce and sort of borderline feral, very unpredictable, very much a trickster kind of person, and bc they grew up with bethany and their father, fiercely protecting one, idolizing the other, they're also pretty strongly pro mage rights they're very open gender and sexualitywise but tend to be attracted predominantly towards women so with their attraction to dalish culture, unconventional views on blood magic and general rule breaking in general, fierce protective streak, and their general type attraction-wise as well as them being my youngest hawke (they're 22) their being absolutely devoted to merrill but also very attracted to and loving with in a somewhat lighter way with isabela was. pretty natural

naia has a bit of a looser moral compass, tending to not be quite as tied down feeling, and though she grew up protecting bethany, she has never felt any real bond with carver and kind of gave up trying years ago, so winding up without bethany and just with carver kind of. knocked a lot of the caring out of her. and she still cares about her friends and her family and generally about mage rights bc she is a mage but she doesn't get involved like the others do

ideally she would like to do her own thing and not get wrapped up in all this champion nonsense really but, much like isabela, she realizes that's not an option, and reluctantly rises to the occassion hence: isabela romance maddi:

You are literally so amazing ok My hawkes can all be summed up as 'snarky fucking loser in love' And tbh I've never romanced Merrill because I read her as aro and having a sexy thing with bela but like. Your Petra is just so perf for Merrill. Your hawkes are all so great casimir:

i love merrill she's my one true love tbh like petra is my canon hawke obvs and i just. i'm. merrill is truly the best love interest we all have our bias and merrill is mine but i just love her so much and her romance is so sweet and so nice and i love her so much and tbh thinking about her in world states where her clan is killed and she's not romanced breaks my fucking heart??? she's so profoundly lonely and romancing her heals a part of her she won't acknowledge is broken that only breaks more if she loses her clan like that like the rest of the companions benefit from their romances for sure but. none of them are lonely like merrill is lonely maddi:

[softly] whoops that is my world state casimir:

and romancing merrill gives her the things she craves the most. she gets a home and a family who love and care for and respect her and stand by her even through decisions that are dangerous or maybe kind of bad and then when things fall apart they stay and they hold her together so she doesn't fall apart too maddi:

Mir ur making me want to romance Merrill now casimir:

when you romance merrill there's all these little details like you can talk to orana at one point after merrill moves in and she talks about merrill asking her to help her try and learn to play piano and like bodahn and sandal are so fond of her because she's so sweet to them and just maddi:

GOSH Like romancing anders hurts but??? I feel like romancing Merrill would be jut as emotional but with JOY???? casimir:

she's such a ray of sunshine tbh like it comes through in everything like when you romance merrill isabela's the only one who says anything nice to you about it and really she mostly says "be good to her she deserves the world" but when you romance anders or fenris merrill at some point comments on both of them looking happier and they're both like "why would u say that" and merrill's like "because it's good and i care about you and i'm happy that you're happy"

and that means so much bc they're SO AWFUL to her but merrill is... used.... to people she loves being terrible to her.... and she still cares so much anyway and she doesn't just let people walk all over her she always fights back but in the end she understands that they're hurting and she loves them anyway even if they treat her like shit maddi:

Literally all I wanted for da2 was a dlc where you can fucking rip the boys a new one for being a dick to Merrill Like it makes me so mad casimir:

she's so unbelievably strong and determined but she's also just so small and so delicate and fragile sometimes that like. anders needs someone to hold him together so he doesn't collapse in on himself, but merrill needs someone to hold her hand and stand next to her, she gets all the strength she needs from just. knowing she isn't alone. maddi:

Especially with anders like??? Just because she's a blood Mage??? ANDERS BABE WHERE IS UR INTERSECTIONALITY???? casimir: 

also fun fact! i'm gay and crying i love merrill so much lmao i'm literally crying right now fucking incredible

but yeah anders and fenris are. really shit to her and it's really unfair

maddi: 

OMG MIR Don't cry gosh (Or do cry I'm not gonna lie I've cried about anders so many times) (And bela) (And fenris)

(And now cole the list goes on)

casimir: 

same tho

anyway

but she's still mostly just sunshine back to them and it? really hurts me tbh?? bc i. know that. i know how that is. i know anders' bitterness and his caring so hard it hurts but. i know merrill's caring and trying so hard anyway even though you know you might lose even more and people don't understand you and the people you love don't love you like you love them and honestly you're so lonely but it. doesn't matter so long as you can do something that helps. and. be there if they ever let themselves need you

doing what you need to do for yourself but. ultimately what she does for herself isn't just for herself. she does what she does alone because no one else will believe in her and stand by her and do it with her but she's doing it for her people it's all always for her people and petra means everything to her bc petra doesn't question it for a moment. she just asks what she needs and where she needs them to be to help her for the first time there's someone who will do everything and anything for merrill instead of her just throwing herself, literally her life force bc that is what blood magic is, to help people

like??? merrill is covered in scars and the emotional scar of how this magic makes her an outcast and feared and treated like absolute shit but she keeps doing it and hurting because she believes so strongly that this is worth fighting for and bleeding herself dry for and dying for this is worth risking her life and more because they've lost so much and while she has turned away from her path as keeper she also really hasn't

it's a keeper's job to remember and that's what she's trying to do. she would've stayed with her clan and kept on as their first if they would have let her keep her mission and stay they've lost so much and she's. willing to give up everything she has to get some of it back maddi:

I have to go to bed BUT I am super into u talking about ur faves ok so JUST KEEP SENDING ME MERRILL STUFF and yeah pls feel free to talk to me whenever because I have NO ONE TO TLK TO ABT MY DRAGON AGE PAIN casimir:

merrill is the most underrated fucking character and it makes me so angry sometimes maddi:

Merrill is so important gosh casimir: i was gonna talk to u about lavellans but then this happened and i'm such a wreck lmao

[pimpmyaravel]

world state talk and heroes meta, esp wrt hawkes and faith??

in which em goes to sleep so i immediately go talk maddi's ear off about my dragon game instead. buncha stuff about causation lines and then a whole lot about naia tbh

casimir: my worldstate is absurdly over thought out

and now like originally all my inquisitors were supposed to continue the idea that like

each world state follows a line

estel mahariel > petra hawke > ruive lavellan

tinuviel surana > heron hawke > canary cadash (was the original plan)

but things have started getting rocky bc like

with my lavellans all in the same universe and also i started rethinking that even tho like

tinuviel > heron > canary are all bird names so that was the joke there but

i'm thinking more and more that i would rather it go like.

tinuviel surana > heron hawke > tintalle lavellan ??

and then have it be

casper tabris > naia hawke > laurelin lavellan

which leaves sela brosca > bellatrix hawke > canary cadash

which i think lines of causation works better to the lore BUT it also makes it like

maddi: I can barely keep up with my two lavellan kids I am genuinely so in awe of how in depth u are with all ur kids and world states gosh

casimir: the reason ruive is who they are is because of estel but it would totally make sense for tintalle to do that small change that makes them become inquisitor instead of ruive in a world where tinuviel and heron were warden and hawke

that would make the alpha world state all be pro mage nonbinary rogues

but the second world state is gay as hell mages with the exception of heron

who is fiercely pro mage rights and incredibly protective bc he is the best big brother to bethany ever and bc anders is the love of his life

maddi: Mages are so important just an aside here bc I am very hecked up about mages

casimir: it also makes the casper > naia > laurelin line be "people who have no idea what they're doing and kind of don't what to be doing it but ultimately do and are good people and accidentally wind up heroes"

sidenote i cant believe im gonna have to create genderswapped versions of my last two wardens in order to import them properly to the keep tho

maddi: I just honestly wish bioware would catch on and add the following: all characters can be romanced by queer kids, customizing bodies and choosing pronouns. Like how hard would it be to put in a toggle so u can select what pronouns ur character wants and then just??? Run the appropriate audio???

casimir: fo real

anyway so that puts the sela > bellatrix > canary line as like. first of all dwarves. double dwarves. and not just any dwarves but. both commoners??

and then in general they're the ones who are all slightly more shy about mages

but they're still ultimately stand with the mages they're just slightl more open to the other side of things

whereas like. heron and petra and ruive are aggressively pro mage considering none of them are mages

naia and tintalle and tinuviel and laurelin are all varying shades of pro mage bc obvs they are all mages

out of all of them tho tinuviel is definitely the most politically minded

but that's bc she's also the only one who actually experienced circle life

so category one is "extremely passionately pro mage rogues" (ruive, heron, petra, estel)

category two is "mages who obviously are pro mage" (tinuviel, naia, tintalle, laurelin)

category three is basically. not so extreme or enthusiastic, sometimes almost scared about magic, but ultimately cares more about people especially the downtrodden of all kinds to let their unrest about some mages come between them and standing up for people who are oppressed" (casper, sela, bellatrix, canary)

sela and bellatrix are more like

aggressive personalities who are just. well. bellatrix is my only non purple hawke

and i honestly don't know if she'll turn out that way or not bc she's about fifty fifty on sarcasm and aggression

so far anyway

so she's borderline aggressive which is a Feat for me

she's still a hawke tho so i mean. she's not all business lmao

and honestly most of her aggressive behaviour is the kind of like "i gotta look tough for my family and also to impress this cute boy who is a total jerk so i have to be more of a tough jerk but secretly i snuggle kittens all the time"

she kind of tries to be a hardass to impress fenris tbh

naia is definitely the most bitter of my hawkes

maddi: Omg I was gonna say bellatrix sounds like a fenris kid

casimir: lmao yeah 

but. bc she lost bethany and got stuck with carver and is being expected to do all this shit that she never asked for and really she just wants to run away and pretend it never happened she wants to not have to care about any of them or have any obligation to any of this

she wants to be able to take the gold from a job she knows isnt right and walk away without turning back a moment later and getting in a fight over it

she tries to act a lot more indifferent than she actually is and uses sarcasm to cover up the fact that like

all my hawkes have some degree of a crisis of faith after the sack of lothering

petra was never religious but becomes actively anti andrastian after

heron gets more spiritual but farther from the chantry

bellatrix just takes it as proof the maker isnt watching and so she doesnt care if hes real or not (unlike petra, for whom the same conclusion ultimately results in their eventual at least partial conversion to dalish faith practices)

and naia... ironically though she doesnt see herself as having too much in common with him really

naia kind of gets like anders does about it

she still believes and wishes she didnt but doesnt believe the maker cares or pays attention, wishes there was an alternative to it

she doesnt pray and she can't speak civilly to chantry sisters, even if they're being kind to her

if she was doubtful at lothering, it's bethany's death on the road to kirkwall that makes her lose her faith entirely

she's kind of listless and apathetic about a lot of stuff but like

she is Angry at god for what happened to bethany

she tries to connect with carver but it just doesnt stick it never would

she blames herself for bethany's death, and she resents carver for being the one to live, even though she still loves and protects him

she feels as if she's already lost everything so she doesn't want to form new attachments, but they happen anyway...