to the first person that held my hand
this is a love letter to you, marked with admiration, gratitude, and warmth.
the way you were introduced into my life, a very unexpected first love you are. awkward heys,
Insecure faces and lessons of a lifetime. with not even the slightest indication that it’d be you to teach me. I was jealous of people who got even a minute of your time because my clock started to tick only for you. It’s a Platonic first love, disguised with intense feelings. In the process we even became architects. Did you know I built my first home with you? A structure set up with the warmest of materials. I found the corners of my puzzle piece with you, just the way you like to figure them out.
I grew up feeling comfort from the streets, spending my days with the neighborhood and its tenants. Feeling out of place when under a roof, not liking the smell of walls. yucky. But our friendship was one behind doors, crowed with air conditioning and tiled floor. we spent most of our time in your home, as bright and early as eleven in the morning till the ring of my phone when my dad's name would flood either of our phones. Comfort was found, in that two-story apartment, but that’s because it was you, who could only be found under that roof. I learned all sorts of things, how to draw, love, clean, scroll, and a few Mexican words, to name the least.
the beginning of my passion is linked to you because our friendship was the catalyst to the second thing to ever touch my soul, art. You were there before the debut when I couldn’t even stand to use watercolor or distinguish the difference in papers. I joined you on the journey of attending art high school. The goal was to go together, but life had other things planned. we were able to find each other on the metro, setting times, and scheduled Friday meetings. Hours of filling up sketchbooks, with your floor singing us a tune. Motivation found through each other's words of encouragement.
My first vulnerable and intimate moments were with you, touches, and embraces that opened me up. I think we were meant to grow in our own small space, to learn to trust and lean on each other once life gets hard. The pain didn’t come from our own doings but from the outside.
There was a moment when the blissful days turned into a hellhole for you, when someone that made even me smile, hit the final blow of total suppression. oh, and she wasn’t the only one I witnessed do that you, it manifested through multiple other people. I saw the timidness you felt in trying to use your own words. Feeling as if they were useless and held no power. Those days hurt, and it forever left a scar on our home. But you grew from it, and now we’re in the present. You’ve grown into such an amazing person, with the most luscious (LOL) hair, and a love for life. The same goes for me, (not hair yet), there was a purpose for the entanglement of our lives.
we’re still only seventeen, and I’m sad to be reminiscing, that means that what I’m writing about is no longer the same feelings. It’s not a bad thing, change is bound to happen when we’ve learned the lessons, so that’s why I want to write this to you. so you’ll forever know how I felt. Now don’t stop texting me, this is to acknowledge the change, and if there is ever a time where our last talk was forever ago, to remember that this is how I feel. As we grow older I will never forget you, and I hope to meet you with a different purpose one day. not another relationship with a lesson attached but one where we can enjoy life together, go out and laugh about experiences we weren’t able to see together. see how much we’ve healed from the future that lies ahead. if our paths do cross again because of an overlooked lesson, I’m glad it’s you that I’m being taught through. Everyone falls in love with at least one teacher, and so far that has been you. This is not a farewell, just an acknowledgment, because there is no certainty in this life so I want to shout it now when the only thing I’m certain of is my fingers.
I am so unbelievably grateful to have met you, thank you so much once again for being a source of joy, my soul has your markings on it, and it’ll never forget about you. don’t let anyone else ever treat you the way my eyes have seen. not all teachers will be like me, be careful out there.
I thought it was only right to leave it in a digital place that can be dug up under where we first met. forever stuck in the webs of time and space.
my first clear memory of you, Tumblr. we sat outside on the benches with the others as I followed you and the joked about how imma unfollow you cos I’m so funny haha lo lo ol
