#-scorpion

[pluralpatisserie]

tldr: Written in the way our Host would "My (co-host) husband (nonbinary host) is at war (taking a break from hosting) and I am left to await his return (waking up) I write this letter (tumblr post) and place it into a bottle (post it) in hopes of reaching him (they read it when they come back)"

tw: dormancy mention, no actual dormancy

I personally don't post often, I don't see much of a need to. But, I will make an exception for this.

Our current Host, my partner and lover, is currently taking a "nap". Which is to say, a break. I am the systems Co-Host and Primary Protector, and so took it upon myself to take care of everyone while they get some much needed rest.

Unfortunately, I did not realize how much I would miss them. And I am left to await their return. I am writing this post only to communicate how I feel to our Host when they wake.

Everything has been going smoothly thus far. My role as Primary Protector aids in my cause. I used to think I did not truly exist, at least not without them, but I've found this to be untrue in recent days. Things that would typically go unnoticed by them are now intensely apparent in their absence.

Their clothes smell like them, their blankets too. I now notice the way they handle their belongings, undoubtedly different from how I do. I notice how much they try and compensate for everyone as well, leaving everything in the same spot they found as to not lose track of it. I do not do things they would. I do not reason in the same way as them.

I won't say "I feel empty" without them. I miss them, I miss their presence. But I am still my own. That is a refreshing feeling. I am real.

And yet, I still miss them. I do not know when they will return.

I am keeping an eye on them in headspace, out of fear they may unintentionally go dormant. Previous Hosts have done so before. But my worry for their stability far outweighs that fear. I am thankful I can still be near them with the way our internal world functions. It is my only solace at this time.

I hope they don't stay away for long. They know that I hate to be kept waiting.

[pluralpatisserie]

(voice of a guy who doesn't know) yeah, the only person I'd ever date is another me. yeah idk why but if there was me but slightly different and also we were, like, one being. I'd date them. no one else tho. just the me that's not me.

[pluralpatisserie]

after telling more of my friends about being a system, I've found for every difficult reaction from a friend(presumably from bias), there is also a friend who seems to feel closer to us because of it. equal and opposite reaction type shit.

but here's how at least five reacted!! if your interested

friend 1: completely neutral. nothing changed after telling them. while sometimes confused, they are completely harmless and are understanding when corrected

friend 2: not quite negative, kind of a slow burn confusion. struggles most with the concept of introjects

friend 3: we've hung out almost every week since telling them. I feel we've become closer, and while I don't think that's a result of opening up our system to them, it's nice all the while.

friend 4: texts us everyday, which is a stark contrast to previously being practically unreachable. actively shares interests with us and lets us gossip about headspace bs.

friend 5: said, and I quote: "ok... don't kill me." (this was definitely a joke, and we laughed cuz it was funny, but still..)

[pluralpatisserie]

watching a video about self shipping with an evil grin on my face. if only they knew

[pluralpatisserie]

absolutely love it when we directly state we do not want to hear about something and someone tells us about it anyways. love it so much.

[the-masquerade-party]

I'm supposed to be clear headed all the time but the moment my partner takes off his shirt...I become like. a wild animal. Jesus.

[the-masquerade-party]

He could kill me so easily. His body, all of it, is designed to kill.

Yet he chooses not too. He chooses to hold people gently in comfort. To place a kiss on their foreheads and reassure them that *it's okay*. Hands made to break hold others' with such reverence and softness...

he's chosen to be more then a tool for violence.

he chooses to kiss my neck instead of tear it apart.