"You'll never understand." / "Did I even ever cross your mind?" / "You left me!" / "Don't forget me." / "I've never felt so alone." :D
"you'll never understand."
“ are we getting started with that silly conversation again? ” leo asked, rolling his eyes. though it was just a defense mechanism of his. he knew he’d never understand, he knew he had done more damage than good by sending him away because he wanted him to be more tamed, because he ( and caelan ) couldn’t deal with managing the whole family at that time, when he was younger. but of course, he couldn’t tell how he felt now, it was too late, so he did what he was best at; lie. “ because i’ll start to pretend to listen if that’s the case. ”
"did i even ever cross your mind?"
“ did you ever cross my mind? ” he repeated, gaze fixed ahead of them as the two brothers stood in the main balcony of the family compound, the night stars above them. with his gaze lowered a bit towards the people walking in the distance, he spoke quietly. “ you have always been on my mind, quill. ” maybe it was unlikely of him to be this honest with the youngest wallace but things have been changing for the demon-blooded, too. “ you’re a fool if you believe i never thought of you for all those years. ”
“you left me!”
“ i had no choice ! ” leo shouted back, turning around to look at the youngest of the clan with guilt, remorse and anger in his eyes. “ i had no choice, quill. you were getting out of control and i didn’t know what to do. i was lost as much as you were. here i admit -- i couldn’t handle you. i couldn’t help and take care of my own brother. ” he said, voice growing quiet towards the end. “ and it’s a burden i’ll live with till my dying breath. ”
“don’t forget me.”
“ don’t go. ” leo said, voice quiet but firm. feeling quill slowly turn around to face him, the shadowhunter raised his gaze to meet his, a slightly pleading look on his face. “ i need you by my side, brother. ” he admitted, taking a few steps closer. “ for years you’ve been away, because of me, and don’t you ever think i enjoyed it for a second. but now you don’t have to. ” placing his hands on the younger one’s shoulders, leo looked at his face. “ stay, quill. we all need you more than you know. we need our brother - and i’ll do anything in my power to be the big brother to you that you always deserved. ”
“i’ve never felt so alone.”
leo was quiet as his younger brother spoke, his words cutting at his skin like knives. alone. he knew that so well, unfortunately. and maybe, his kind of alone was worse than quill’s; being alone while surrounded by a lot of people. but that didn’t change the fact that what he made quill go through was a horrible thing, and that he hated himself for that. he wished he was better, he wished he could fix everything but he knew he couldn’t. so without daring to meet his eyes, leo, put a hand on his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “ you’re not alone. not anymore. ”
