ok so I found this in my notes app from a year and half ago and... i need the public vote on continuing it or not
Jes: I dare you to commit a crime
Kazzle: bet
Neens: GUYS GUYS
Neens: HOLY FUCKING SHIT GUYS
Neens: [Attachment: Link <17 year old Arrested for Attemped Murder>]
Nej: that little shit
In which Everyones having fun until Kaz gets arrested but it's not because Jesper dared him to (chatfic + prose)
(so yeah that's what I wrote for the summary and now here's the chapter one that I abandoned)
Kruge before bros
10:22 AM
Saturday
Devil spawn #1: Kazzle wya
Devil spawn #1: it's time for phase 2 of ur plan
Devil spawn #1: hello??? Kaz????
Devil spawn #1: And you were worried about ME not showing up
10:24 AM
Devil spawn #1: r u fucking seeing the news??
Devil spawn #1: KAZIMIR BREKKER RIETVELD
Six of Crows
10:27 AM
Saturday
Neens: GUYS GUYS
Neens: HOLY FUCKING SHIT GUYS
Neens: [Attachment: Link <17 year old Arrested for Attemped Murder>]
Nej: that little shit
Nej: I better get on the front page when I slit his throat
Jes: LMAO AINT NO WAY THIS IS REAL WTFFFF
Wy: only attempted murder? are we sure this is Kaz?
Neens: also Kaz wouldn't get caught
Mattmatt: is everyone esle freaking out and a little worried?
Mattmatt: Not that I am. But theoretically if this was real
Jes: HOLYFUKC
Jes: GUYS THIS IS ACTUALLY KAZ
Jes: "tried to fight officers off with a bird headed cane"
Jes: how many teenagers do we know that have a bird headed cane??
Jes: or any type of cane???
Neens: when have I EVER linked something fake
Jes: youve literally linked me rickrolls with like 100 different links
Mattmatt: so the demjin has actually been arrested?
Wy: OH MY SAINTS GUYS
Wy: the police station is calling me
Wylan Van Eck: Call Transcripts
Ketterdam Police Station Call Transcript
13/5
10:32 AM
Wylan Van Eck: Hello?
Ketterdam Police Station: Wylan? It's Kaz
Wylan Van Eck: Kaz! What the fuck?! You've been arrested for attemped murder??
Ketterdam Police Station: Wylan, please your high pitched shrieking is not helping the headache these fluorescent lights are giving me.
Ketterdam Police Station: I need a lawyer
Wylan Van Eck: You need a lawyer... please tell me this is a scheme
Ketterdam Police Station: Yes. Have one sent to me.
Wylan Van Eck: Kaz, I don't have spare lawyers?? I don't own a law firm???
Ketterdam Police Station: You’re rich. Hire one.
Wylan Van Eck: ..Oh. Right. Because I can do that now.
Ketterdam Police Station: Thanks Wylan
Wylan Van Eck: Oh. Sure, Kaz. Wait. Wait Kaz-!
Call Ended
Six of Crows
10:32 AM
Saturday
Jes: WHAT?!?
Jes: WYLAN????
Jes: OH SAINTS ABOVE THE COPS ARE TAKING MY BOYFRIEND
Neens: would you chill, it's prob just Kaz using his phone call or whatever
Mattmatt: Is this a normal occurrence? Why are you all so calm?
Nej: Why would he call wylan?
Jes: yes, why would he call wylan, MY boyfriend
Jes: who could also be getting hounded by detectives right now
Jes: Saints, why does he get all the cool stuff
Mattmatt: Don't you only get one call?
Mattmatt: Why would Brekker call Wylan and not Inej? Or his brother?
Jes: wait, guys this is kinda insane I can't believe Kaz was actually taken in
Neens: deadass it's probs part of a scheme or some shit
Nej: that doesn't change the fact I'm going to murder him in his sleep
Nej: this might go on his record
Nej: oh Saints what if they book him as Kaz rietveld and not brekker
Nej: This could affect his education and career and not to mention what will happen if he goes to jail
Mattmatt: Inej, it wil be ok. The demjin probably has all of this planned
Mattmatt: Probably
Mattmatt: However, I agree with Jesper
Mattmatt: Brekker is insane
Neens: I agree, insane and in need of professional help
Jes: guys jordies blowing up my phone what do I tell him
Nej: tell him his brother is facing up to 20 years
Jes: AND THAT I DARED HIM TO???
Neens: TELL HIM ITS BECAUSE KAZ HAS ANGER ISSUES AND A POOR MENTAL STATE
Neens: WE CAN PLEAD MENTAL INSANITY OR WHATEVER IT IS
Wy: GUYS it WAS Kaz
Wy: He wants me to hire a lawyer for him
Wy: WHERE DO I HIRE A LAWYER
Mattmatt: [Attachment: Link <Ketterdam Criminal Lawyers for Hire>]
Wy: oh thanks Matthias
Jes: sorry do you just have a law firm link at all times??
Mattmatt: They are good lawyers, helped me appeal early. But expensive
Nej: wait wylan, is Kaz ok? How did he sound?
Wy: He asked me send a lawyer over to him
Wy: then thanked me for it
Wy: I'm a bit worried guys, he sounded..
Wy: like this was very much not one of his great plans
Jes: ok but was he just acting so that eavesdropping detectives would think he's not a threat???
Neens: I think you've been watching too many cop shows buddy
Mattmatt: Surely, this is all part of a scheme
Nej: I'm going down there
Nej: you guys can come if you like
Jes: I will definitely be coming
Neens: me and Matty too, I wanna make Kaz in a cell my new lockscreen
Wy: ill come as soon as I get a lawyer for him
Wy: which is still kinda insane btw
Jes: RIGHT???
Jes: IS THIS NOT THE START OF A TEENAGE COP DRAMA???
Unfortunate Brothers of Kaz Brekker
10:34 AM
Saturday
Blood Bro: Jes, where in the fresh hell is kaz
Blood Bro: Jes I swear
Blood Bro: if that kid in the news is him
Blood Bro: I'm gonna whack his ass back to the saintsdamn farm
10:42 AM
Crime Bro: ok so don't freak out
Crime Bro: But Kaz may or may be at the station rn and used his one phone call to ask wylan for a lawyer
Crime Bro: because he's being charged with attemped murder
Crime Bro: because I maybe may have dared him to
Blood Bro: oh fucking hell
Crime Bro: we're all heading down now
Crime Bro: if you want to come
Blood Bro: I'm already omw
Blood Bro: I'm gonna kill that little shit
