Nov 2, 2025
Real Madrid vs Valencia | 01.11.2025
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Real Madrid vs Valencia | 01.11.2025
Aldandıysak da Allah için aldandık
Helen Seamons posting Calvin Klein’s post about Louis to IG story (01.11.2025)
My Irrational Fear for Tsuki ga kirei desu ne
I can’t remember how or when my fascination with the moon began, but from the farthest end of my memory that I can still reach, I’ve always gasped each time I beheld her splendid beauty. My heart just suddenly fills with overwhelming joy when the night sky is clear and dear Luna is up there — calm, gentle, and majestic.
My obsession with the moon became intense when I finally owned a smartphone that could capture a decent shot of her glory, decent enough that the moon actually had a shape in the photos, not just a blurry bulb of light. The gallery on that phone probably has around 500 photos of the moon in all her phases, and roughly — just my guesstimation — 300 of those shots are of her in her full, magnificent phase.
A couple of years ago, I used to share this fascination to someone. Each time I went out at night and the sky was clear, I’d take photos of the moon and send some of the best shots, sometimes just one, to this person, saying something like, “The moon is so beautiful tonight,” with multiple crying or heart emojis at the end of the sentence, trying to show how I felt at that moment.
I guess I did that for more than a year — until I read about a Japanese literary trope involving the moon. It’s said that in Japan, when you tell someone “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” it’s actually an indirect way of saying “I love you.”
The gasp I gasped when I read that! My heart skipped a couple of beats. I probably even stopped breathing for a minute. Horror tingled down my spine. I panicked.
From that moment on, I stopped sending that person photos of the moon. I suddenly became afraid that perhaps he knew about this Japanese cultural reference — and all this time, he might have thought I’d been indirectly confessing my love to him. I was terrified by the thought that I’d been embarrassing myself without even realizing it.
What scared me the most was the idea that maybe, just maybe, if he knew I still loved him, he would stop talking to me — that I might make him feel uncomfortable. (And was I making him feel uncomfortable all this time? Oh, good Lord!) I had this irrational fear that I might not be able to keep our friendship if he figured out that I still had feelings for him after we’d agreed to stay platonic to preserve the friendship.
I never asked him if he knew about this Japanese way of indirectly expressing romantic feelings — because what if he did, and by asking, I accidentally made him think I was actually confessing my love when, in reality, I just wanted to share the beauty of the moon?
Looking back, I feel so stupid for having that irrational fear — for panicking over something that might not even have been true. And what if he didn’t know about it, right? He probably just wondered why I suddenly stopped sending him photos of the moon. (Or maybe he didn’t even notice.) And even if he did think I was indirectly telling him I loved him, so what? Did he do anything about it? He didn’t though 🤭. And even if he had asked me about it, I could have just denied everything and acted all innocent to keep my dignity. LOL.
I still carry that irrational fear with me. Maybe I’ll carry it for the rest of my life. That fear has kept me from casually sending anyone photos of the moon even to this day because I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable in case they know about the Tsuki ga kirei desu ne thing.
Louis Tomlinson cooking with Zara McDermott, via Zara’s IG story (01.11.2025)
Looking forward to climbing tomorrow! And we got meds for the dog. And my symptoms seem better. I did have a bad time last night but have spoken to H about it and been honest about extent of feelings. He's been so helpful.
when i try to speak but my mouth is sewed shut. Theres so much I wanna say but i keep choking on my own saliva. Theres so much i wanna utter but my throat keeps convulses to hold everything in. How long can I go keeping my feelings inside. Will there ever be a day i can open this mouth and not have to wonder what i say to the person beside? Ever? never?
