I’m doing okay, I hope all of you are too. it’s been a while since I last posted on here, and I debated doing so for a long time. I’ve been on @disastergay for a couple months now, and it gave me the fresh start I needed. and yes, you can still call me dizzy! I just also go by ‘jinx’ now.
what I have to say isn’t exactly something that can be condensed into one or two paragraphs, so I’m putting everything under the cut for those who want to read about my experiences over this past year and the reason I came back one last time.
personal stuff:
I spent a lot of time off of tumblr, partly due to the influence of my now ex-girlfriend, who I didn’t realize I had a kind of toxic relationship with at the time. and don’t get me wrong--I love my new blog so much, and I don’t realy intend to come back to this one after today--but I felt like I needed to make amends.
in january, I lost all of my real life friends. the bi lesbian discourse made its way to my university, and I was the only one in my social circle who didn’t see why we should attack and harass people who identify as bi lesbians, even if it didn’t really make sense to me at the time. I still miss them sometimes. yeah, they’re in the wrong for trying to police people’s identities, but I have a lot of good memories with them, like when one of them was so worried that she drove me to the bank--to open a secret bank account--so I could have money that wasn’t controlled by my parents.
it’s been 6 months and I still haven’t fully recovered from losing their friendship and support, and I didn’t want to cause drama by coming back on here and posting about it.
so, I created @frostwitch to get away from everything and everyone (except for a small handful of close friends). but very quickly, I realized I missed the friends and queer connections I had made on this blog--especially with people who liked using my flags. the reason I’m here right now and telling you my new blog’s url is because I’m tired of running away from my past, and re-inventing myself to avoid the consequences of my mistakes.
I’m not really in the undertale or deltarune fandoms anymore, but I do still love the game and a lot of the art that people make for it. undertale will always have a special place in my heart, but I’ve moved on to danganronpa, as it has fascinatingly complex characters and lore that I can really sink my teeth into. so if you followed me just to see my undertale stuff, you probably won’t be interested in my new blog.
apologies:
unfortunately, I had some internalized transphobia and biphobia to work through. I also had to come to terms with some of the transmisogynistic beliefs I unknowingly held, and recognize that even if single-gender schools are outdated and wrongfully exclude nonbinary people, the way I went about addressing the issue was wrong and hurtful to trans women.
I understand that now, though I don’t really expect any of the trans women or transfeminine nonbinary people who called me out on it to forgive me (especially since it’s been long enough that I’m not sure if I still have some of them blocked, but in my defense, I did try to fix that). I have to work to forgive myself for making mistakes like that, though, otherwise I’ll become an even worse person and make mistakes that hurt even more people.
and to yoli, kira, enfys, emma, sarah, and olivia: I apologize for not being a better friend. I wasn’t a good friend to begin with, and treated you less like people and more like trash cans for my negative feelings. many of you have expressed the desire to limit or cut contact with me permanently, and I’m happy to oblige. I’m only sad that I wasn’t a more positive presence when I had the privilege to be part of your lives.
believe me, I’m genuinely sorry.
conclusion:
so yeah, that’s it. that’s all I have to say, and all I came here to say. I’ll continue to keep this blog up as an archive, but since I’ve moved on, I won’t be posting on here anymore. I hope that in the future, I can make each and every single one of you proud to have known me, even for a little while. take care of yourselves <3
michaelclifford: feel like I haven’t had the ability to disconnect since I was like 15. but it’s much better having this one by my side. and having less acne is nice too
#project hail mary
#lana del rey
