#06.13.2019

[itwasjustmisplaced]

Can’t keep away from me, can ya?

[a-bon-a-day]

〖Day 164〗of 365 ✰

[famousornotbuthot]

[theweedthatgrew-blog]

One more

I have been looking at adoption videos the whole day because they allow me to feel a depth of emotion that is hard for me to find anywhere else. My heart melts as I see the tears of joy as children and teenagers receive their good news. Good News. It represents my adoption and I am so overjoyed to see their smiliar faces and minds at the idea that they have a place to celebrate Christmas and thanksgiving. That they always have loving arms and a places to fill on an address line. 

It is beautiful. I also look at refugee children’s interviews and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Burning streams of tears relentlessly slide down the tracks on my face and I can’t help but want to give them a better life as I have been given. 

To hug them and kiss them and tell them that though I can’t ever remove or take back the tears they have shed in their past, I will try my hardest to give them a life that helps them come to terms with their past. To show them the flip side of the coin. To instill a love in them and show them there I get my hope and pray their heart is softened to be adopted once more. I want to wipe away their tears and give them all I have. It’s a restless feeling that feels powerless right now. But I hope one day I can use that to show what true love really is. To show the type of love the requires a new heart to see. But to which we were always meant to have. 

My heart goes out for those little tears. My heart desires to give them a home, a family, and acceptance that they cannot deny is from anywhere else than motivated by the above. 

To serve and give my last dieing breath to show the Glory of an Almighty and Unblemished Lamb and Father is to truly live. 

It crushes me that I cannot be emotional vulnerable with my dad. It hurts every time I go home and it is one of the reasons I don’t like going back very often. 

With every painful breath I will pray to have those walls lifted for those tiny hearts that I hope to see grow into hearts bigger than mine. That they embrace the love that was denied to me and them for my childhood, but to which they can forever rest in knowing we will all be together and where the sea is no more and where He will wipe away every tear from their eyes where they will no longer know what pain or crying is and where all their pain will be passed away. And where they will know what I tried my best to be, but failed to truly be: our Father.